I'm so sick of people lying!

[Shake&Bake]

I loan some money to a friend that was retrenched from her job in December so that she could get through the month and not default on any of her debits. A substantial amount at that, I think.

I loan this money in good faith, because of it being a very good friend.

In February a payment was made to me and since then nothing.
And it was not meant to be in payments, I'm not a freaking bank! :mad:
I borrowed the money to her taking into account my cash flow and now its facked up.

Now my life has to be spent running around.

Now she's not answering calls. Not responding to SMS's.
The one time I did run into her, she promised to speak to me and she would get this sorted. That was 3 weeks ago and still no word.

The thing that pisses me off most, is that I'm now left feeling like a damn debt collector.

Its understandable that you're in k@k! But why avoid me?
What am I supposed to think?
The least I'd expect is an explanation of the situation.

First it was waiting on the pension fund to pay out, which it surely must have done by this time!
Then it was waiting on her SARS money to come through by the end of March. (March has just come and gone :rolleyes: )

I know that she chats on Mxit ( I hate it) but to to get hold of her I add her and she doesn't accept it, cos she knows my old nick.
So I delete her, change my name and then add her - she then responds!

I was so disgusted when she started chatting with me - I just disconnected and lit up another cigarette.

I asked a friend of ours to tell her on Mxit that I'm looking for her and she gives him the whole sloppy story that she knows she owes the money, but doesn't have it now and will call me from her Mom's place tomorrow. Also saying, "What kind of person do I think she is? She's not like that!"
At the rate this episode has gone, what am I meant to think?
I'm not expecting the call :rolleyes:

I think I'm just gonna lose my ****ing mind and start carrying stuff out of her house like her old bf did when he got hooked on heroin. :mad:

[bwana]

When it comes to friends never lend money that you cant afford to write off :(

[thedoc!]

Shake - I have always thought that the best way of losing a friend is lending them money, alas your episode has proved me thoughts correct.

Just out of interest sake what was the amount you lent, and what was paid into your account?

[Fern9do]

I know exactly how you feel buddy, its disgusting behaviour! went through a similar situation with one of my girl friends and boy did i learn how evil some people can be. It was not about money but the lieing and decieving was there. Best thing to do is cut her out of your life and cut your losses(Unles its alot of money). This girl used me so badly it wasnt even funny,played me like a fool for two years and when she got what she wanted she was gone,havent heard from her in months now! oh forgot she accidentaly foned me two weeks ago and put the fone down when she realised she dialed the wrong number!

[feo]

Tsk tsk Shake, rule #1 of finances: if you needs money, go to bank.

Don't ever loan money to people. That being said, I'm about to kick my self in the ass with my next statement: I just loaned my colleague R100 today because she forgot her wallet at home. She only wanted R20 for transport and she's cool so I only had R100 on me which I gave her. :o

[ghoti]

When it comes to friends never lend money that you cant afford to write off :(

+1

[The_Techie]

When it comes to friends never lend money that you cant afford to write off :(

Definitely... However, I refuse to lend money to my friends for the same reason that I won't open a business with friends/family. It can only end in disaster :D

[xrapidx]

Yup. Friends and money dont mix... I don't do it...

...speaking of which, my brother still owes me R550 for the pool table he bought.. I've asked him for three months now... time to phone Mom :p

[Ou grote]

+1

+2

Had an ex like that.
Still owes me money, but not too worried about it.
Coulda married her and be paying alimony now...

[dablakmark8]

+2

Had an ex like that.
Still owes me money, but not too worried about it.
Coulda married her and be paying alimony now...

well i am in that situation now,And she still steals my fkin money from my wallet..beetch:mad:
my ex is worst that a ex as she is my ex wife

[Ou grote]

well i am in that situation now,And she still steals my fkin money from my wallet..beetch:mad:
my ex is worst that a ex as she is my ex wife

Time to say goodbye.
Hard to do, but the best thing.
Obviousley doesn't respect u, so don't worry about her.

[Alan]

that I won't open a business with friends/family. It can only end in disaster :D

My father found that out the hard way :(

[blunomore]

I hate when people are all over you like a bad rash when they want something, but when they have to give something in return, they are NOWHERE to be found.

Pathetic!!!!!

I am obsessed with repaying anything and ayone I owe money. That's just me.

Oh and by the way: WHERE does this chick get the money to use Mxit / SMS???? She could have saved up those One and Two Rands and paid it over to you instead, OP!!!

[The_Techie]

My father found that out the hard way :(

At least it's a mistake that you'll only have to make once :o

[Ou grote]

I hate when people are all over you like a bad rash when they want something, but when they have to give something in return, they are NOWHERE to be found.

Pathetic!!!!!

I am obsessed with repaying anything and ayone I owe money. That's just me.
Same with me, pay back debt ASAP, so that I can look people in the eyes.


At least it's a mistake that you'll only have to make once :o

U save on presents and boring family get togethers.

[The_Techie]

U save on presents and boring family get togethers.

That's one way of looking at it :D

[elysian]

I am obsessed with repaying anything and ayone I owe money. That's just me.

Me too. :)

[Shake&Bake]

Shake - I have always thought that the best way of losing a friend is lending them money, alas your episode has proved me thoughts correct.

Just out of interest sake what was the amount you lent, and what was paid into your account?

Well its R8k of which I got back R2.5k so still R5.5k outstanding.

To some people that may not be much, but IMO it is.

She's not a gal that I had any romantic interest in, so its not anything like that.

She had a good earning job as an account executive for a marketing company and never seemed to have any money trouble until the retrenchment came along.

The money coming back slowly is one thing, but the deception, unanswered calls and bulldust is really annoying, if not hurtful.

I've learned my lesson - not a facking cent to anyone - I'm going Jewboy from here on in :mad:

[Londo]

I started 2008 with a new resolution. I do not lend money. Already turned down 1 person. If I want to give some, then I will. Otherwise, nada.

I have one so called friend who has paid 50% of what was borrowed (one payment made); another 15% (2 payments made) and another zero.

Yes, it was all meant to be in one lump sum. I am also tired of being a debt collector

[Toko]

While I was working in the UK I borrowed a friend(close friend that went to the UK with me) about 500 pounds over a period of 3 months to help him while he was looking for work.

He didn't make it in the UK and came home early, when my Visa expired I too came back and had to struggle to get my money back.

They always make you out to be that bad guy, I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like a debt collector.He still had money to go party but not to pay me.

I nearly beat the snot outta him, I got about 3/4 of my money back and needless to say we are not friends anymore.

Bwana said it best

When it comes to friends never lend money that you cant afford to write off

[Ou grote]

Sometimes its good to lend people you don't like some money.

[Milano]

Actually lying is an important part of social interaction. If people were unable to lie then society would be unable to function.

[quik]

A lesson we all seem to have to learn :(

I lent money to my ex girlfriends mother about two years ago, and lets just say it's a bit more than what Shake&Bake lent. I also lent money to family members, quite a considerable amount, for which I even took out a personal loan.

I recieved 3 payments from the mother, each one less than the previous and then nothing. The family members who owe me money also didn't repay much of it, and I now sit with alot of debt because of it.

Shake&Bake, believe me when I tell you I know how you feel, the amount of money I have lost trying to help people is probably more than what most people earn in a year, and they end up making me out to be the bad guy. Most of these people have cut me out of their lives and pretend they don't know me.

If it wasn't for the loans, I would have been able to purchase a property I had really wanted. Instead, I am once again living with my parents and dreading every second of it.

From a financial perspective, lending money does alot more damage than just affecting your cashflow. What most people don't realise is that there is an opportunity cost involved as well. That R8k you lent to your friend could have been earning you interest, used to pay off your own debt, buy some assets etc...

I will also never lend money to anyone again. If you want to help someone, rather give them what you can afford. The money I've lost I can live with, but the emotional scars these people inflicted on me will last a lifetime.

[teraside]

I tend to "give", I don't "lend" .

[Toko]

I've helped out family members before and most probably will again.They're family after all and I can't say no when the bank is about to take their car/house away.

I envy you teraside, you must be loaded. I simply cannot afford to "give" anyone enough moeny to pay their rent/car while they look for work.

[teraside]

I'm not loaded at all Toko, but even if I can spare 50 bucks, it's 50 bucks gone to a worthy cause, I don't expect it back. If someone wants to "borrow" something from me, I just say, sorry, I don't have it, but if I do have it I give it without expecting it in return.

[Aqua_lung]

Personally I also pay back any money I borrow ASAP but then again I only borrow If I know I have cash waiting for me at the end of the month.

I too have learnt that friends and cash don't mix, having a friend owe money changes the dynamic of the relationship, if you intend to keep your friends only give never lend is what I have learnt.

[Shake&Bake]

@quik - I hear you man... :o


I'm not loaded at all Toko, but even if I can spare 50 bucks, it's 50 bucks gone to a worthy cause, I don't expect it back. If someone wants to "borrow" something from me, I just say, sorry, I don't have it, but if I do have it I give it without expecting it in return.

Agreed teratjie :) I''ve got a very good friend and we've got a relationship where, even if we're cutting ourselves short, we'll give to the other. I'm talking about 50 or 100 bucks here and there. And we don't keep tabs on that or ever mention it.

In this particular case though, its a large amount and at the end of the day if I don't get the money back - that is not the worst of it. The worst part is as quik mentions - The emotional scars, that friends would actually have you feeling such discomfort is not on IMO.

[quik]

I've helped out family members before and most probably will again.They're family after all and I can't say no when the bank is about to take their car/house away.


I know the situation Toko and that's why I lent the money to the people I did.

But was it worth it? I'm not so sure.

At the end of the day it cost me alot more than it did them. For starters, it damaged my relationship with them badly, and it set me back financially, quite significantly. Some of them recovered and still didn't bother to repay me, and others even did the same to other people I know.

This is just my situation though, not saying it's always the same, but there needs to be a distinction between people who are in a genuinely unforseen and unavoidable financial bind and people who are financially inept and morally shallow even, the latter being the ones who are probably more likely to not pay you back. Sounds cold, but they're out there!

[kevinswan007]

I know exactly how you feel buddy, its disgusting behaviour! went through a similar situation with one of my girl friends and boy did i learn how evil some people can be. It was not about money but the lieing and decieving was there. Best thing to do is cut her out of your life and cut your losses(Unles its alot of money). This girl used me so badly it wasnt even funny,played me like a fool for two years and when she got what she wanted she was gone,havent heard from her in months now! oh forgot she accidentaly foned me two weeks ago and put the fone down when she realised she dialed the wrong number!

been there, done that, got the t-shirt. hell I own the franchise that makes the t-shirts! :(

[Dolby]

R8000 is alot :/

How long have you know this friend? How close were you?

[Bondizzo]

I lent a friend R50 2 years ago and he still hasn't payed me back, he can afford to go drinking on weekends though

[Shake&Bake]

R8000 is alot :/

How long have you know this friend? How close were you?

About 5 or 6 years close enough to know that she is an honest person, I may have been mistaken :rolleyes:

[Shake&Bake]

Well I managed to get her on the phone in the last few days, but nothing concrete coming out of the situation. Still waiting on the SARS money to come through, yada yada.