Is she cheating????

[CheesB]

Hi guys, I am new here, HELLO:cool:

Anyway, I have a serious problem, my 3 years relationship is on the rocks (I think). I think my girlfriend is screwing her cousin sister’s boyfriend.

Ok, I have not been really a great BF, but I try, let’s just say I treated her so bad (just mistreating her, not respecting her, etc - which I regret a lot and I did apologise to). Basically I kind of neglected her (I guess I just needed some time off - wasn't cheating or anything).

So, recently (for the past 6 months) I started suspecting that she may be cheating. She started getting some long phone calls, forever giggling on the phone at night/ morning/ basically anytime. I approached her, she told me that this guy was her cousin sister's boyfriend - and he has a child with this cousin. Right.

However, why so many calls at such odd hours I asked? She said since I was neglecting her, she wanted somebody to chat to. RIGHT!

Then I started to see some really weird sms's in her phone from this guy (we don’t hide our phones, etc). Some of the messages were so disturbing, like "he want to father her child" some romantic messages, how he misses her etc and many more of those.


Right, one day she asked me to check something for her in her emails and print some stuff for her. I regret that day! So, after I logged in her emails, I suddenly found some emails from this guy. The guy had bought my girlfriend a return flight ticket. Well, my GF was supposed to go back to her place and I knew about that. Just that I obviously had no idea that this guy will be paying for the trip. This is where I also saw more of those romantic messages that I can’t even type here (heart breaking:mad:).

So, I approached her. We had a huge fallout. After arguing up a "storm", she said that she was only doing this to make me jealous/ to punish me/ all because I had neglected and mistreated her! She also told me that how on earth can she go out with her cousin-sister's boyfriend?

Well, I bought it, but I asked her that there's no need to do so anymore. I learnt my lesson and I wanna start afresh. We agreed that no more those long phone calls/ no more 'flirting' or making me jealous with this guy. And we agreed.

But things never really changed. She still get those calls (though not as much as before), but here is the heart breaking thing, the emails have since worsened! The guy tells her about fathering her child, about wanting to get her a medical aid in preparation for the child. How he misses her etc etc. He even talks about how he would like to make love to her, touch her, kiss her, etc etc.

I was really heart broken when I also learned that my GF leads him on. Like there is this email that they were discussing right, so the guy was on about how he would like to touch her, kiss her, etc etc. My GF would respond like "after you touch me what next" and the guy will go on. (So it’s like they were doing some "phone s@x" or something". My GF even responded by saying "man you are really turning me on" to one of the messages. The way I see these emails it seems like these people have slept together or something, don’t know, really but that’s how I feel.

At the same time, I know my GF, how can she possibly go out with her cousin-sister's man? I mean my GF's family knows this guy, he's now like family to them. SO how does my GF also fall for him??? What about her cousin-sister then!!!

I really don’t know what to believe here, what I see on these emails or what she tells me?


My mind and heart tells me that she can’t do that, but the evidence (emails/ sms's) says otherwise.


I really don’t wanna confront her anymore about this. What should I do, gather these "evidence" (if I can call it that) and do what later?

I really love this woman (yes I know I should not be saying it) but that is how I feel about her and I would really like to make her my wife one day.
So, what should I do guys??????????

[Mephisto_Helix]

Well I'm fsckin jaded and I hold grudges so I say 'bye bye cheating ####' .... that's what I do anyway. :o

[gdiza]

First of all, sort the calls out, tell her it's not working, you don't like it and you want to stop.

Next, apologise for being a horrible bf, tell her, you want to try and fix things, you love her blah blah blah, <Insert whatever here> and apologise, but mean it and then start over or try too.

As for what guy your gf goes after, don't assume anything, a lonely woman will go for anyone, a h0rny woman who is not getting anything from her man will do the same thing.

If you think it's gone to far, just end it and move on, learn from it and just don't mess up the next one.

Somtimes, things are 'unsalvagable' and you must just accept that.

I speak from experience btw.

[Messugga]

Ummm...not thinking she's cheating on you must mean you're in a SERIOUS state of denial. If you treated her badly, you don't deserve to be with her and it's only understandable that she went to look for affection elsewhere. Just see it for what it is and break up. I really don't see why you wouldn't.

[CheesB]

First of all, sort the calls out, tell her it's not working, you don't like it and you want to stop.

Next, apologise for being a horrible bf, tell her, you want to try and fix things, you love her blah blah blah, <Insert whatever here> and apologise, but mean it and then start over or try too.

As for what guy your gf goes after, don't assume anything, a lonely woman will go for anyone, a h0rny woman who is not getting anything from her man will do the same thing.

If you think it's gone to far, just end it and move on, learn from it and just don't mess up the next one.

Somtimes, things are 'unsalvagable' and you must just accept that.

I speak from experience btw.

Thanks G.

[Devill]

I'd dump her

[Maelly]

Thats a tough one man, where does this guy live? Ih he does not live next to you guys (same province) then you have all the time to serenade this woman and make her fall for you again (thats if you really love her like you saying). At this point you still have no proof that she's cheating on you so I say forget about those emails and just focus on your woman. All the best of luck man.

[adamr]

lives in joburg i suppose and drives a fancy car????

[ID10T]

Bud, that sucks hey... I'd also apologise and ask that the things end... And you better start doing your part also... You cant be dissapointed that she's going for other men, when you treat her badly

[CheesB]

lives in joburg i suppose and drives a fancy car???? Yes, he's from Gauteng. No, he drives an ordinary car.


Bud, that sucks hey... I'd also apologise and ask that the things end... And you better start doing your part also... You cant be dissapointed that she's going for other men, when you treat her badly

True, I suppose I can hang in there and see how it pens out hey.

[gdiza]

You guys don't seem to understand, once you mess up badly with a partner, recovering it as in, the relationship etc is next to impossible.

In some cases, yes, you can, but in many cases, yes, you can save the relationship, but it's totally destroyed, if "HE" treats her badly by forgetting a date, or being late, or getting angry at her just once, she'll just bring up the past again, this poor guy will have to tread so lightly because anything he does could ruin it.

Also, once a woman is in a relationship for a long time and she gets out, she gets that WIF of single'ness and other guys and the attention, she might not want it, and him fighting for it just to end up getting rejected will hurt him more in the long run.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I speak from experience.

It all depends how far this has gone, from what I've read, I honestly think it'll be better for him to just let go and move on, yes he loves her, yes yes yes, he'll be sad, blah blah blah, but he can meet someone and the past relationship will give him the 'experience' not to make the same mistakes again.

This chick, well, she'll move on too, it'll probably be good for her - or not ;) in which case, maybe she'll come running back.

In my case, she didn't, she moved on :D I'm happy for her, because I've met BETTER after her.

I won't go into it... but yeah... :D :D :D <--- :)

[Nerfherder]

Cousin-Sister .... wtf is that ?

[alf101]

Cousin-Sister .... wtf is that ?

I was just wondering...

@CheeseB - If she's cheating on u, why hasn't she left u yet?

[SYNERGY]

*If* shes going so far to mess with you... - run away. Indicates she's immature and petty.
Personally I think she's cheating on you.

[supersunbird]

Just wondering , but doesn't "her cousin sister’s boyfriend." just basically translate to "her cousins boyfriend."?

I'm no expert on romantic relationships, heck, I dont havend had any for many years now. But he're what I would do, dump her. Let he go gaga over this guy, if he's so good and whatever. I suspect he is not and she will soon return with her tail between her legs. Or you could have upgraded to a better girlfriend by then and not even want her back...

[alf101]

Doesn't alanF live in Pietermaritzburg?

[killadoob]

leave the cheatin ho

treating some and neglicting someone is a farcry from screwing your cousin's boyfriend while dating someone

unless your chick is like a super model and the sex is off the chart

leave her

[AR_GTR]

Dude its gone way to far. If she is teaching you a lesson etc etc i dont think she needs to constantly flirt with another guy, and throw it in your face. I know you love her but her behaviour isnt of someone that loves you. You said something about not giving her attention at one stage cos you needed your own time and im sure you didnt go around flirting with other girls (or i hope you didnt).

Only you know what to do. You know where the relationship is going. Whatever you choose, the best of luck, you will be needing it.

[Vegeta]

Duuuude i'm going to talk from experience, i've been with my GF for 6years we are airtight! But that sheat would have me out tha door faster than you can say "Cousin's sister's boyfriend" :D

There is NOTHING to save at all only reason to stay would be if she was suuuuuper rich and she's a huge suga-mommie & goes bout buying you cars and stuff and looks like a super model even then i'd grab what i can, keys to cars expensive toys/gadgets and RUN!! THE FSUK AWAY FAR AWAY

Shes a cheating little *&^&^ and you're a little biatch for treating her like sheat!

[SlyFly]

Is this a question? Seems like you pretty much answered it yourself...

[wcoetzee]

Vroumense is snaakse goed,
laat los!
As hulle koppe uithaak raak hulle deurmekaar en hou nie opie!:eek:

[Killove]

dude seriously.
why dont you cut it off at the source? i.e phone him and find out.

flirting is cheatings ugly cousin, and from exp and what you've written, im sorry to say but she is definitely going to town on this guy.

leave the bitch

[CheesB]

Cousin-Sister .... wtf is that ? Thats her Mom's sister's daughter. They call each other "sisters".


Just wondering , but doesn't "her cousin sister’s boyfriend." just basically translate to "her cousins boyfriend."? Yes, and the boyfriend has a child with this "sister" and the folks know about it.


Duuuude i'm going to talk from experience, i've been with my GF for 6years we are airtight! But that sheat would have me out tha door faster than you can say "Cousin's sister's boyfriend" :D

There is NOTHING to save at all only reason to stay would be if she was suuuuuper rich and she's a huge suga-mommie & goes bout buying you cars and stuff and looks like a super model even then i'd grab what i can, keys to cars expensive toys/gadgets and RUN!! THE FSUK AWAY FAR AWAY

Shes a cheating little *&^&^ and you're a little biatch for treating her like sheat!

By treating her bad I meant, snapping at her at no apparent reason, being moody, wanting my own space, not being there for her, etc. It happened for just about a couple of months (6 the max). But I stayed loyal to her never even considered cheating. So she wanted to make me feel the same way which I understand, but this flirting or is it screwing is something totally different!!!

Well, since they only see one another like twice or thrice in a year so I suppose I can still try to make it work/ or not. Maybe I should just go even and expose these two cheating b@stards!!! I mean, why not print out all these steamy conversations and mail them to their folks (including the cousin-sister)? If she is really cheating, I guess I have nothing to loose do I? I cant just sit around while this woman is playing me like this can I? Am I being unfair?

What should I do????

[CheesB]

dude seriously.
why dont you cut it off at the source? i.e phone him and find out.

flirting is cheatings ugly cousin, and from exp and what you've written, im sorry to say but she is definitely going to town on this guy.

leave the bitch

If she finds out then she will kill me!

Ya.

[Killove]

ok then why dont you phone your cousins sister and ask if she knows about him wanting to father your gfs child and make love to her?
seriously thats not on.

pm me your name, my gf knows everyone in pmb, might be able to get some inside info

[gdiza]

lol @ killove ;) haha. nice one! haha.
Misses Facebook!

[Moederloos]

I'd dump her

I'd dump him.

If you neglect her, you should not be with her.

[gdiza]

I'd dump him.

If you neglect her, you should not be with her.

Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, but everyone is also be allowed a change to correct that mistake, in essence, be given a '2nd chance' as it were.

[Kasyx]

ok then why dont you phone your cousins sister and ask if she knows about him wanting to father your gfs child and make love to her?
seriously thats not on.

pm me your name, my gf knows everyone in pmb, might be able to get some inside info

Ahh, but she doesn't know me...

And I...

Am the Cousin-Sister-Boyfriend! *cue dramatic music*

Seriously dude. If you talked to her about it, and wanted to start fresh, and she is continuing with the guy, leave the bitch. You've been an ass, too, it seems. But even so, if she isn't mature enough to talk to you about it, and instead plays petty little games, she is not worth the effort.

[The_Librarian]

You gave her a chance before to stop it, and she didn't.

She'll keep on doing the same, and this relationship won't work out in future.

Best to break up with her, remain friends, and find another girl. And this time don't neglect her!

[chiskop]

Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, but everyone is also be allowed a change to correct that mistake, in essence, be given a '2nd chance' as it were.

Of course you get a second chance. Its a chance to fix the mistakes you made the first time round - those mistakes may include neglecting her, or her herself. :cool:

[ColinR]

Yes. Best of luck, its not going to be easy. Your love will could your vision. Be strong. You can only listen to your heart for so long (its actually very long), then your brain will kick in.

And just for the record, even after it was explained. A cousins sister, is still a cousin! I'm not even going to try and work it out.

[gdiza]

Best to break up with her, remain friends, and find another girl. And this time don't neglect her!

Didn't I start a thread about "having EX's as friends" clearly didn't work?
Didn't we agree that's its better to have a complete break and move on?

Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Lib!

[Pitbull]

Didn't I start a thread about "having EX's as friends" clearly didn't work?
Didn't we agree that's its better to have a complete break and move on?

Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Lib!

Just kick her out of your house. Nuff said !

[Kasyx]

Just kick her out of your house. Nuff said !

Agreed.

[bwana]

Time to kick her to the curb and move on. Otherwise, you're just looking at a very painful lesson in futility.

Reminds me of a line from the movie 28 Days - ". . .the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour over and over again, expecting different results."

[Ady]

Yup, as hard as it is tell her to pack her **** and go.

[The_Librarian]

Time to kick her to the curb and move on. Otherwise, you're just looking at a very painful lesson in futility.

Reminds me of a line from the movie 28 Days - ". . .the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavious over and over again, expecting different results."

Agreed, and agreed. You'll regret it later if you don't do it.

Case in point - my brother in law dated a girl - but she won't let go of her father. Everything they did, she had to consult with "daddy" first. Eventually he broke up with her - and he's glad he did. Because that relationship just won't work out.

Can you imagine you want to paint your house, or do some work on the house, and wife have to consult with her father first? Bleh.

[Sly21C]

Hi guys, I am new here, HELLO:cool:

Anyway, I have a serious problem, my 3 years relationship is on the rocks (I think). I think my girlfriend is screwing her cousin sister’s boyfriend.

Ok, I have not been really a great BF, but I try, let’s just say I treated her so bad (just mistreating her, not respecting her, etc - which I regret a lot and I did apologise to). Basically I kind of neglected her (I guess I just needed some time off - wasn't cheating or anything).

So, recently (for the past 6 months) I started suspecting that she may be cheating. She started getting some long phone calls, forever giggling on the phone at night/ morning/ basically anytime. I approached her, she told me that this guy was her cousin sister's boyfriend - and he has a child with this cousin. Right.

However, why so many calls at such odd hours I asked? She said since I was neglecting her, she wanted somebody to chat to. RIGHT!

Then I started to see some really weird sms's in her phone from this guy (we don’t hide our phones, etc). Some of the messages were so disturbing, like "he want to father her child" some romantic messages, how he misses her etc and many more of those.


Right, one day she asked me to check something for her in her emails and print some stuff for her. I regret that day! So, after I logged in her emails, I suddenly found some emails from this guy. The guy had bought my girlfriend a return flight ticket. Well, my GF was supposed to go back to her place and I knew about that. Just that I obviously had no idea that this guy will be paying for the trip. This is where I also saw more of those romantic messages that I can’t even type here (heart breaking:mad:).

So, I approached her. We had a huge fallout. After arguing up a "storm", she said that she was only doing this to make me jealous/ to punish me/ all because I had neglected and mistreated her! She also told me that how on earth can she go out with her cousin-sister's boyfriend?

Well, I bought it, but I asked her that there's no need to do so anymore. I learnt my lesson and I wanna start afresh. We agreed that no more those long phone calls/ no more 'flirting' or making me jealous with this guy. And we agreed.

But things never really changed. She still get those calls (though not as much as before), but here is the heart breaking thing, the emails have since worsened! The guy tells her about fathering her child, about wanting to get her a medical aid in preparation for the child. How he misses her etc etc. He even talks about how he would like to make love to her, touch her, kiss her, etc etc.

I was really heart broken when I also learned that my GF leads him on. Like there is this email that they were discussing right, so the guy was on about how he would like to touch her, kiss her, etc etc. My GF would respond like "after you touch me what next" and the guy will go on. (So it’s like they were doing some "phone s@x" or something". My GF even responded by saying "man you are really turning me on" to one of the messages. The way I see these emails it seems like these people have slept together or something, don’t know, really but that’s how I feel.

At the same time, I know my GF, how can she possibly go out with her cousin-sister's man? I mean my GF's family knows this guy, he's now like family to them. SO how does my GF also fall for him??? What about her cousin-sister then!!!

I really don’t know what to believe here, what I see on these emails or what she tells me?


My mind and heart tells me that she can’t do that, but the evidence (emails/ sms's) says otherwise.


I really don’t wanna confront her anymore about this. What should I do, gather these "evidence" (if I can call it that) and do what later?

I really love this woman (yes I know I should not be saying it) but that is how I feel about her and I would really like to make her my wife one day.
So, what should I do guys??????????

I understand what she is trying to do, she's trying to make you jealous like you said and the fact that she lets you read the emails and is not hiding it from you proves her point that she wants you to be very jealous and she just wants you to step up to the plate. I think you should really talk to her, ask her to tell you in detail how she would like to be treated by you, what should you do for her so she can stop flirting with that other guy. That's what you should do.

As for me, i have too much pride (foolish) and i hold grudges and so i would have dumped her the minute i was the first email, and in my mind i would have called her a f###ing b###h.

[xrapidx]

Cousin-Sister .... wtf is that ?

Cousin's sister...is her cousin...

[Vegeta]

Keep in mind you have to let go of your anger NOW before you decide what to do.
Stop this i'll expose the cheatin **** etc etc. Relax go to the toilet and flush the anger, you'll get nothing done that way. The type of chats that they are having goes overboard to say the least, its enough for a breakup without them having to sleep together. But from the chats its highly unlikely that they haven't slept together or "made-out"

Relax about it dont print the emails, trust me it'll just drive you insane. Tell her nicely that she talks to this man in a sexual way and unfortunatly you are going to leave cuz you wont stand for this, do all this in a very very calm way then say thx for the good times, treat her like a lady not a ****... she will start going crazy, pay no attention to this dont scream dont shout, make sure everything is ready, take your keys and go! Go hang with friends for a while to get ur mind of and have a beer(DONT GET DRUNK!!!), do this for a few days cuz you'll have to get rid of that hurt or else ur gonna run back... its like addiction you get messed up if you just quit your "fix", dont rush to other woman either... take ur time.

Good luck :o

[xrapidx]

Sounds like a skank... I wouldn't bother trying to save anything... email the letters to her cousin... :)

[Kasyx]

Keep in mind you have to let go of your anger NOW before you decide what to do.
Stop this i'll expose the cheatin **** etc etc. Relax go to the toilet and flush the anger, you'll get nothing done that way. The type of chats that they are having goes overboard to say the least, its enough for a breakup without them having to sleep together. But from the chats its highly unlikely that they haven't slept together or "made-out"

Relax about it dont print the emails, trust me it'll just drive you insane. Tell her nicely that she talks to this man in a sexual way and unfortunatly you are going to leave cuz you wont stand for this, do all this in a very very calm way then say thx for the good times, treat her like a lady not a ****... she will start going crazy, pay no attention to this dont scream dont shout, make sure everything is ready, take your keys and go! Go hang with friends for a while to get ur mind of and have a beer(DONT GET DRUNK!!!), do this for a few days cuz you'll have to get rid of that hurt or else ur gonna run back... its like addiction you get messed up if you just quit your "fix", dont rush to other woman either... take ur time.

Good luck :o

This man speaks the truth.

Whatever you do, DO NOT GET DRUNK. Don't yell at her, or call her names, don't even show her anger. I think the only emotions to display on your behalf should be hurt and disappointment. Trust me, that will hurt her more than any yelling or name calling. Tell her you are done, and leave. End of story.

[shenku]

Be a man and deal with it, I'll make it easy for you.

Option 1. TALK to her, sort out your differences, move on, be happy.
Option 2. Don't take that kind of *****, throw her out, move on, be happy.

[Fuma]

Once you have this question "Is she cheating", then you probably know the answer to that. You can always find someone better man. Love is overrated anyway.

How old are both of you anyway?

[Alan]

Doesn't alanF live in Pietermaritzburg?

What you implying here :mad:


:D

[Fuma]

What you implying here :mad:


:D
You are the cousin-sister?

[xrapidx]

How old are both of you anyway?

+1... can't remember the last time I really felt "in-love".

[greg_SA]

Dude, if you treated her badly, and she was unhappy, she should have spoken to you and if that didn't help, she should have left you. I can't believe that people have affairs, etc because they are unhappy with their current partner...WTF? If you are unhappy, leave... don't cause more shyte.

A girl that flirts with other guys, etc to try to manipulate you isn't someone that you should stay with... Manipulative chicks are the worst!

[Natas]

Kill them both.... Kill them both to death....

[CheesB]

ok then why dont you phone your cousins sister and ask if she knows about him wanting to father your gfs child and make love to her? Seriously thats not on. Thats an option to consider, I suppose I still need more proof, right?


You gave her a chance before to stop it, and she didn't.

She'll keep on doing the same, and this relationship won't work out in future.

Best to break up with her, remain friends, and find another girl. And this time don't neglect her! She says that she will continue having such chats (email/phone calls) up until I treat her right.:(


I understand what she is trying to do, she's trying to make you jealous like you said and the fact that she lets you read the emails and is not hiding it from you proves her point that she wants you to be very jealous and she just wants you to step up to the plate. I think you should really talk to her, ask her to tell you in detail how she would like to be treated by you, what should you do for her so she can stop flirting with that other guy. That's what you should do. We did sit down and she told me all the stuff I was doing wrong. We agreed that I need to make it up to her and I have been treating her like a Godess. But only up until I see one of these emails/ sms/ phonecalls. Then I would snap - it's like whenever I do that I push her right straight into this guy's arms.:mad:


Sounds like a skank... I wouldn't bother trying to save anything... email the letters to her cousin... :)

I am angry, bitter, etc etc, so I may also just as well play dirty:eek:

[xrapidx]

Its not really playing dirty - its not exactly fair on her cousin either.

[CheesB]

Dude, if you treated her badly, and she was unhappy, she should have spoken to you and if that didn't help, she should have left you. I can't believe that people have affairs, etc because they are unhappy with their current partner...WTF? If you are unhappy, leave... don't cause more shyte.

A girl that flirts with other guys, etc to try to manipulate you isn't someone that you should stay with... Manipulative chicks are the worst! There was a time where by she wanted me to pop the question so bad. I felt so under preassure, she would talk about the "M" word so often and I just couldnt take it anymore. I guess this is what triggered the "silent treatment". I know for the fact that we 'used' to be so in love. She was more like a wife to me. But I just wasnt ready to make such a commitment.

But I cant explain why she would "flirt" like this:confused:


Kill them both.... Kill them both to death....

I did think about that..... but hey, I Love Myself so much man to do such a stooooopid thing.:cool:

[greg_SA]

She says that she will continue having such chats (email/phone calls) up until I treat her right.:(


The way she is handling this situation says a lot about her character...

Why would you even want to sort things out with her if this is the way she handles things... She obviously doesn't really love you...

Whats going to happen in the future when she doesn't get her way? More manipulation?

Dude, move on!

[Surv0]

hate to say it, but it sounds like the relationship is over..
havent read the entire thread, only first few posts, but leading or flirting or talking sexual with somebody else, doesnt make up for being neglected, i say get over her and move on :)

[Sly21C]

There was a time where by she wanted me to pop the question so bad. I felt so under preassure, she would talk about the "M" word so often and I just couldnt take it anymore. I guess this is what triggered the "silent treatment". I know for the fact that we 'used' to be so in love. She was more like a wife to me. But I just wasnt ready to make such a commitment.

But I cant explain why she would "flirt" like this:confused:



I did think about that..... but hey, I Love Myself so much man to do such a stooooopid thing.:cool:

She will do this even when you guys are married, she will manipulate you 10 years from now, she will do it 15 years from now and when you guys are at the age of 70 or over 70 years of age, she will send and receive email and phone calls if she is angry with you (I'm guesing in future we will have mental telepathy or something more sophisticated to communicate instead of the internet and emails). Do yourself a favour and leave her, I know it's not easy (It happened to me before, not the exact situation as yours but similar as far as manipulation is concerned) but I left her and now I'm happy.

Someone here in one of these posts said that women who manipulate men if they (women) don't get what they want are the worst, I couldn't agree with that person more. They (manipulative women) are the ones who will sleep with another guy and let you find out, when you confront them, they will blame you because you didn't do what they wanted you to do and they won't regret doing it (sleeping with another guy). Those types of women (manipulative women) are the most selfish women you'll ever come across, they only care about themselves and not your feelings, so my brother you will be hurt for life if you continue the relationship.

[CheesB]

How old are both of you anyway?

I'm 25 and she's 21.

[alf101]

Hi guys, I am new here, HELLO:cool:

Anyway, I have a serious problem, my 3 years relationship is on the rocks (I think). I think my girlfriend is screwing her cousin sister’s boyfriend.
.....So, what should I do guys??????????

Do likewise with the cousin's sister.

P.S. Is this a hillbilly family?
Not that there's anything wrong with that...

[CheesB]

Do likewise with the cousin's sister.

P.S. Is this a hillbilly family?
Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Both the cousin-sister and her boyfriend live in Gauteng (one suburb). My GF and I are also from Gauteng. I live 20-30min drive from the cousin-sister and her boyfriend. But my GF is farther (like 90min drive). Both of us (my GF and I) only go to Gauteng like 2-4 times in a year.

Hhhhhmmmm, since I have nothing to loose, I really wanna get even! Wouldnt it be nice to screw both her cousin sisters? (she has 2). First I tell her how her man is cheating with my GF then .....:eek::eek:

[eltherza]

PMB, little hole fill of drama.

As for the girl issue, lessons are best learnt when experienced.

[dhez]

this is staright out of jerry springer!!!
grow some nuts dude

[Maelly]

I think just hang in there buddy. And please try not to freak out about her emails etc, just do your thing and see if she wont change. I mean, try to completely ignore that she is flirting and be a best boyfriend you can ever be. If she still continues this by November this year then it's PAY BACK TIME!!! When you go back to Gauteng in December I say screw her cousins, print those emails and mail them to her Mom, cousins, cousin and her parents!!!

Stay calm and play your cards right. I think she is just trying to get you talking etc etc, ignore all of that and focus all your attention on her. This really needs some serious self control and lots of patience. Gud luck

[Kasyx]

I just live in PMB, I try not to care about anyone or thing in it.

[alf101]

I just live in PMB, I try not to care about anyone or thing in it.

U have any cousins there?

[jsheed_sa]

Haha I showed a lady this thread and gdiza my son you better hope she doesnt end up coming with tonight - she wants to tune the **** out you , hahah.

J

[Fuma]

I'm 25 and she's 21.

IMO - Any woman under 25 can't commit herself to any relationship. They always change their minds every time. You have 10 yrs+ to shag around bro - if you want to get married when you are 35 like me.
Don't commit yourself to these young biatches.

Since I convinced you to get married when you reach 35:D Do you think this little biaaaatch will still be around by then?

[greg_SA]

Hhhhhmmmm, since I have nothing to loose, I really wanna get even! Wouldnt it be nice to screw both her cousin sisters? (she has 2). First I tell her how her man is cheating with my GF then .....:eek::eek:

Don't drop to their "Jerry Springer" level... Even if you are upset now, trying to teach her a lesson is an immature thing to do. Besides, it sound like you are likely to catch an STD. I hope you and your GF aren't sleeping together? When you sleep with someone untrustworthy, that may be sleeping with someone else untrustworhty, etc, etc you never know how long the STD chain goes! :sick:

I think its best to just get out of that group of people.

[Viper25]

Sorry to hear. It must really hurt to read such emails and to discover that she is possibly shagging some other guy. I say you should leave her, doesnt matter if she slept with him as yet or not. The emails should be good enough reason for you to leave her. You still a young guy. Move on with your life, and remember... time heals most wounds... so you'll be fine. A few months down the line you might meet a really amazing woman and this sk4nk will be a distant memory. All the best ;)

[Geriatrix]

Forward the emails to the cousin sister thingy and leave her. Its clearly over.

[gdiza]

Yeah, do as much damage as you can and leave smiling, if you can't get her, no one can ;)

[Safferbeauty]

IMO - Any woman under 25 can't commit herself to any relationship. They always change their minds every time. You have 10 yrs+ to shag around bro - if you want to get married when you are 35 like me.
Don't commit yourself to these young biatches.

Since I convinced you to get married when you reach 35:D Do you think this little biaaaatch will still be around by then?


Why do you say any woman under 25 cant commit?? I dated someone when i was younger than that and could be with him forever and ever. We not all the same you know

[Safferbeauty]

You shouldnt actually get her back. Just say you want out and move on. Remember what goes around comes around all the time. I seen it happen too much

[AcidRaZor]

My opinion, and mine is usually right... disconnect. Don't get even. Just leave things alone, move out (if you're living together) break up and give it a breather.

Don't contact her. Continue with your life. Try and find someone else. If you can't then be happy with the person you are and/or strive to become better.

She will continue this pattern of behavior. Like people mentioned, if you smooth things over and the "in love" feeling comes back (which it can), your past actions would make her feel otherwise again if you screw up a tiny bit. She would run back to the other guy (or guys) as they are the fantasies that gave her the feeling you gave her in the beginning.

Just let it go dude. Many other fish in the sea, none can probably be measured against her, but don't, just go out and move on. You should not let this bother you anymore.

Just let it go. I know it's tough. But by being "the bigger man" and being mature about this and letting it go would speak volumes of your personality and character.

[Safferbeauty]

Its hard letting go as Acidrazor said but its something that you should do. Just have some time out for yourself. Spoil yourself and treat yourself the way you should. Look after number one. It will do you great wonders. It things are meant to be it will happen when the times right.

[AcidRaZor]

Even though sometimes you'd wish for her affection again...

[Maelly]

I'm sure he got the message now... Oh, any new 'juicy' emails? Loi

[adamr]

@ CheesB: please tell me this girl does NOT do promo work ...

[CheesB]

@ CheesB: please tell me this girl does NOT do promo work ...

What is that?

[CheesB]

Thanks to all you guys who read and responded to my thread:cool:

I have been doing some thinking, clearly I really wanna save this relationship, I really cant give up just as yet (besides I dont have concrete proof that they are/have slept together - YES, flirting "sexually flirting" is just as bad as doing it, I know, but my heart tells me to make a plan and try to make it work). Guys, this woman really makes me happy, she's gorgeous, fun, loving, smart, intelligent, a great friend, oh, did I mention that she's a goddess between the sheets:eek::eek:, so, yah, guys, I know most of you are really dissappointed in me right now, but I wanna give it one last shot).

So, I was thinking, I have two options:
(1) Send this GUY an anonymous sms telling him that I know all about his shady business with his GF's cousin and threaten to tell the cousin (his GF) and also provide some proof, etc etc (what else should I say?)

(2) Use the same method to send the cousin an anonymous sms alerting her that her BF is cheating with her cousin and she should try to monitor his calls/ sms, etc and I have proof....

I know it's stupid, but right now this is all I can yhink about to save thius relationship.

Your comments are most definately welcome!

(Well, if it doesnt work, then I will definately call it quit! After all, I would have tried my utmost best).

[AcidRaZor]

3rd option, don't do anything to alert anyone and rather work on your relationship?

[TMoose]

Thanks to all you guys who read and responded to my thread:cool:

I have been doing some thinking, clearly I really wanna save this relationship, I really cant give up just as yet (besides I dont have concrete proof that they are/have slept together - YES, flirting "sexually flirting" is just as bad as doing it, I know, but my heart tells me to make a plan and try to make it work). Guys, this woman really makes me happy, she's gorgeous, fun, loving, smart, intelligent, a great friend, oh, did I mention that she's a goddess between the sheets:eek::eek:, so, yah, guys, I know most of you are really dissappointed in me right now, but I wanna give it one last shot).

So, I was thinking, I have two options:
(1) Send this GUY an anonymous sms telling him that I know all about his shady business with his GF's cousin and threaten to tell the cousin (his GF) and also provide some proof, etc etc (what else should I say?)

(2) Use the same method to send the cousin an anonymous sms alerting her that her BF is cheating with her cousin and she should try to monitor his calls/ sms, etc and I have proof....

I know it's stupid, but right now this is all I can yhink about to save thius relationship.

Your comments are most definately welcome!

(Well, if it doesnt work, then I will definately call it quit! After all, I would have tried my utmost best).Personally I wouldn't do either. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and that you want to save things. If she feels the same she'll tell the guy to bugger off all on her own. If she doesn't, get out of the relationship because it's a train wreck waiting to happen.

[CheesB]

3rd option, don't do anything to alert anyone and rather work on your relationship?

I would also like that one but I freak out whenever these steamy sms/calls/emails comes in and I become bitter, angry etc and that leads to us arguing again (its like taking 10 steps back). I would prefer to have such things eliminated (even if I had something to do with them).

[AcidRaZor]

I would also like that one but I freak out whenever these steamy sms/calls/emails comes in and I become bitter, angry etc and that leads to us arguing again (its like taking 10 steps back). I would prefer to have such things eliminated (even if I had something to do with them).

I know exactly how you feel but this guy / cousin-sister would tell your girlfriend and it would make things worst rather than talking to her and telling her you'd like all communication to stop between them so you could work on your relationship.

Going behind her back is a big no no

[CheesB]

I know exactly how you feel but this guy / cousin-sister would tell your girlfriend and it would make things worst rather than talking to her and telling her you'd like all communication to stop between them so you could work on your relationship.

Going behind her back is a big no no

I know what you saying (going behind her back and all), but I was thinking just using some anonymous number and warn her that I know all his shady business and if he still want to be with the monther of his child then he must leaf this woman (my GF) alone...... that kind of message.

I will also mention that I have enough damaging information that when it lands in the wrong hands (his GF, his GF's folks, etc)... it could spell the end of him.

[EchoZA]

and your wondering what to do... dump her on the street corner she belongs on!

[AcidRaZor]

I know what you saying (going behind her back and all), but I was thinking just using some anonymous number and warn her that I know all his shady business and if he still want to be with the monther of his child then he must leaf this woman (my GF) alone...... that kind of message.

I will also mention that I have enough damaging information that when it lands in the wrong hands (his GF, his GF's folks, etc)... it could spell the end of him.

They/she is not stupid. Trust me dude. Its better to drop it and work on the relationship and talk to her rather. Or dump her. Either way, don't delve to that level...

[adamr]

I was asking if she did promotional work?

i think the best is for your GF to tell the guy he must stop with the emails and the like, ... you must not take any action ... it must all come from her.

Does she want you and her to work? does she love you? Will you promise to support her and be there for her and not ignore her like before? Can you tell her you sorry for being unfair to her?

if "yes" to all of the above, then she must cancel this guy out of her life ... the ball is in her court, cause lets face it she is just as much to blame as this guy is ...

[AcidRaZor]

and if she doesn't get rid of the guy then she's not 100% committed to making things work. so then you know

[adamr]

and if she doesn't get rid of the guy then she's not 100% committed to making things work. so then you know

+10000000000 ... and just also remember she could have told that guy she has broken up with you ... females sometimes play a dangerous game (sorry for generalising)

[CheesB]

I was asking if she did promotional work?

i think the best is for your GF to tell the guy he must stop with the emails and the like, ... you must not take any action ... it must all come from her.

Does she want you and her to work? Yes, well, at least she says so.


does she love you? Will you promise to support her and be there for her and not ignore her like before? Can you tell her you sorry for being unfair to her? Yes, I believe that she still loves me. I will support her man, be there for her and I told her many times that I am so sorry for neglecting her.


if "yes" to all of the above, then she must cancel this guy out of her life ... the ball is in her court, cause lets face it she is just as much to blame as this guy is ...

Yes, you right, the ball is in her court. But here is the thing, she says that she wants to see me "practicing waht I have been preaching and as soon as she is convinced then she will cut all ties with this guy". Now, problem with that is that whole thing drives me NUTS and I end up not keeping my promise.

So, I think that if at least I can warn both this guy and her GF then, maybe, just maybe he can minimise the sms/calls etc and I will be able to focus on working on the relatiinship.

[AcidRaZor]

Yes, you right, the ball is in her court. But here is the thing, she says that she wants to see me "practicing waht I have been preaching and as soon as she is convinced then she will cut all ties with this guy". Now, problem with that is that whole thing drives me NUTS and I end up not keeping my promise.


No dude, you tell her that she either drops all ties with this guy THEN you practice what you preach or you're not going to bother seeing as it drives you insane.

She's either willing to give you a chance or not. And by the sounds of it she's not willing to do that

[adamr]

No dude, you tell her that she either drops all ties with this guy THEN you practice what you preach or you're not going to bother seeing as it drives you insane.

She's either willing to give you a chance or not. And by the sounds of it she's not willing to do that

was going to say the exact same thing ... agree totally with Acid

[thedutchman]

cheesB, listen to what you say, you first have to prove urself, and than she will leave that other guy alone ? imagin u didnt have the problems, its like you going to other chicks and testing them before you decide to finaly stay with ur gf, this is sooooo not on, if she rather wants to see other guys, kick her out, i've never said that to someone, but believe me, if a woman starts making those decisions, no,well, i'm sure u will find an even better goddes in bed, and please, if u have problems like that, for heavens sake, y are u stilll bothering ?

[Turtle]

Dump her. What she is doing to you is sick and twisted, you're just too involved to see it clearly. It doesn't matter if you 'treated her badly', that does NOT excuse cheating in any way - if that was a problem, a normal decent response would be for her to break up with you and then go out with someone else, not just cheat on you. There is NO excuse that "excuses" cheating, ever; a person who looks for an excuse to cheat and attempts to justify cheating, would cheat anyway, because they're just looking for an excuse and sooner or later will always find one. There is no such thing as a "license to cheat". Far as I can tell she's just stuffing you around, obviously doesn't respect you and likely never will. It'll hurt a lot in the beginning, but in the long run you are better off without this trash in your life - if you think it's a stuff-up now, imagine dragging this into an even worse stuff-up ten years from now with kids etc. involved. Chalk it up to learning experience and rather find someone else who is a decent person. She's using a cheating partner as a bargaining chip to try control you, and you pander to that? No man, show her the door. That kind of behaviour is far gone, and she won't change.

[adamr]

@chees: sounds similar to my situation except i was the other guy ... she broke up with her bf (so i thought) ... she comes to joburg and she still sees the guy and stuff i find out (yes i paid for her flight to joburg and stuff to spend time here) ... thats not the good part ... at some point i gave her space to think is she wants to be with her BF, so was not speaking to her for like two months ... in this time ... guy number 3 appears in her life, but then she decides to break up with her BF and date this guy for like two wks, when she gets burned casue the guy is 2 timing her, this broke my heart, everything i thought she was, she was NOT!!! ... i feel like an utter idiot, imagine her bf, or ex, or whatever he is to her now? ... she lied to me lied to him ... just be careful chees ...

[Geriatrix]

Yes, you right, the ball is in her court. But here is the thing, she says that she wants to see me "practicing waht I have been preaching and as soon as she is convinced then she will cut all ties with this guy". Now, problem with that is that whole thing drives me NUTS and I end up not keeping my promise.

So, I think that if at least I can warn both this guy and her GF then, maybe, just maybe he can minimise the sms/calls etc and I will be able to focus on working on the relatiinship.Maybe the ball is actually in your court.
Sorry to be so forward mate but I think you're lying to yourself.
Let me translate her demand for you to clarify what I mean;

her:" I want you to practice what you preach and then maybe I'll ignore this guy"

Translation: " I want you do everything and anything I want without any questions asked.

I will continue with my virtual affair(which incidentally hurts one of my close family members, because she doesn't treat me the way I should be either, right? ;) ) and hopefully work the situation up to a physical relationship.

Otherwise when I tire of this other guy, I'll get myself a new guy to manipulate and control you with.

And because we both know that you'll never be able to, in my opinion, "practice what you preach", I'll do what or whoever I like and you should worship me regardless.
Just in case I might respect you and stop manipulating you one day."

Sorry to put it so harshly but I think you're too close to the situation to really see whats going on.

If she really wanted your relationship to work, why would she complicate and actively sabotage it by involving another guy?

[alf101]

@cheeseb
How about an update on your situation?

[thedutchman]

@cheeseb
How about an update on your situation?

+1

would really like to know whats happening now

[Viper25]

i hope he dumped her... Might be the best for him in the long run...

[gdiza]

I bet he stuck around ;)

[Sploosh_less]

I haven't read most of the posts but here's some adivse.
Confront her about the emails you've seen and the sms's, be honest about seeing them and tell her the truth, if you already haven't that is. Explain to her that you still want her even after what she's done, try to make her feel guilty, though not so that she will come back to you JUST out of guilt. Find out if she really loves you...truely! Or maybe you can speak to the guy she is supposedly cheating on you with. Maybe he doesn't know she's with someone.

Well that's my advice, I don't speak from experience and I'm not and expert on relationships.

[snapshot]

You getting played dude! Thats the plain hard truth! Why would you want her back?

You getting played HARD!!!!!! She doesnt care for you like you do her.

Sorry to be so blunt, but its the truth!

Best way to get over a woman, is to get on top of another one :D

[thedutchman]

Best way to get over a woman, is to get on top of another one :D

so true :D:D:D

[Fuma]

Best way to get over a man, is to get under another one :D

That's what she did as well!

[FaNIX]

So many people are cheating nowadays, it doesn't surprise me anymore. I've seen and heard everything before, no relationship or story can shock me. The things I can tell you about my experiences with past and present partners would shock the living hell out of you!

That being said, it's easy for others to say "Get right of the #####", but the truth is that no matter what other people say, YOU and only you can make that decision. You may feel like trying to make this relationship work, and if thats the case, then you should. If things doesn't change, then after time you will get enough courage to break things off and move on with your life. Do not break things off if you feel you can't handle a breakup right now, because that will destroy you, and you will be miserable for a few months, rather wait until you feel that you are ready to close this chapter and move on.

It's a very painful thing to go through, personally it's the worth thing for me to go through, as I'm very fragile when dealing with these kind of stuff. But the truth is, you will always find someone else, and you might go through the same thing again, and again, and in my case, AGAIN! :)

[alf101]

I take it they got back together and cheesB is too busy to get back to us.
or she killed him...

[thedutchman]

lol :D

[Maelly]

Lets wait and see...

[CheesB]

Hi folks, thanks once again for all your advice and comments (much appreciated).
Here is what an update of what took place since I last posted here:

So, I did use my other number to sms this guy that I know all his shady business he's doing with 'my' GF and I will print all the stuff and post it to his GF and the folks should he not stop doing all this nonsense.

It was on a Sunday and the guy called 'my' GF immediately after U sent him the sms. I was there while they were talking on the phone and I could sense that the guy was really scared and 'my' GF was like trying to calm him down saying that she knows exactly who sent that.

After the call, she confronted me and I never denied it. We had one of those arguments and she took her stuff and bounced! Well, she only left late at around past 8 - 9 pm. But she didn’t want me to take her to the campus and it’s like 15kms away from my place. Infact, I wrestled her bags (3) out of her hands and took them to the car. While I was doing that she left running with a school bag.

I drove the car and spent about 2 hours looking for her all over but I couldn’t find her. I was really scared!!! After I was just about to give up, I came back to my place and found her on my door. I had already taken all her stuff back to campus (I have the key/access to her place).

I told her that she wasn’t sleeping here cause instead of we talk about this situation she only fights with me!! I mean, she was angry that why did I send the darn sms!!! At around midnight, I decided to let it go and go to sleep (we slept together....just sleeping, ok).

The following day, I went to work and came back in the afternoon cause I was just too stressed. I went to her place and tried to see if we can talk about it but she was still not willing to. So, we let it go and pretend as if nothing had happened.

Last weekend, on a Sunday (again), we had an argument and I made sure that I revisit this issue again. Since she was still not willing to talk about him, I gave her a BOOT!!! I took her and threw her in the boot, oops, car and sped off! Man, she tried to attract attention buy trying to get off the car while the car was moving!! She did this 3 times and I had to stop the car in the middle of the road to chase her!!! Luckily it was at around midnight so there weren’t any traffic.

Eventually we got to her place and I stop the car, went to the boot to offload her stuff and the darn woman refused to get off the car!!! There was security there so I didn’t wanna cause a scene. So, I went back to the car and asked her whats up, then she started talking........

According to her, she has never slept with this guy.
She only wanted to make ne jealous and actually make me pay for treating her badly.
She didnt think that this was gonna get out of hand as it did (though her friend tells me that she warned her that things can get ugly).
This damn guy was so scared cause when he tried to call that number I sent an sms from - it went to her GF's number (I diverted the calls). So he was asking of I did IT or something cause he almost wet his pants thinking that somehow his GF found out.
She is sorry for involving this guy - I said it serves him well for snooping around with other peoples affairs!!!
She stopped all those emails after I sent this guy an sms (3 weeks now).
Even the kinky sms have stopped and so did the calls every now and again!

I asked her what she really wants?

She says she needs to think clearly about it over the June holidays - fair enough for me.
Even though she still do love me , she is scared that I will hurt her (I have been really moody since this guy came into our lives) - I told her that if she wants me, then she must get rid of this guy, PERIOD!!!

So, this is all I can feedback at the moment, but I have a feeling that next time I will be saying "We decide to go our separate ways". I think I also need time on my own to think about this with her being around. So, she is leaving on the 19th of June coming back on the 15th of July.

Currently we live just like friends and have some ordinary 'friends' conversations. Oh, we aren't friends with benefits ok! Till next time.

[alf101]

U put her in the boot, then gave her the boot?

[cerebus]

that is a seriously dysfunctional relationship.

[alf101]

that is a seriously dysfunctional relationship.

Jerry Springer wouldn't touch this one.

[Kule]

You are getting played!!!!!!!!!!! No doubt! Im sure the sms's hasnt stopped.

Give her the boot. Whats so hard?

[alf101]

You are getting played!!!!!!!!!!! No doubt! Im sure the sms's hasnt stopped.

Give her the boot. Whats so hard?

Actually he put her in the car boot :eek:, be more specific when u give him advice again. ;)

[Maelly]

I thought he said he did???

[alf101]

I thought he said he did???


Since she was still not willing to talk about him, I gave her a BOOT!!! I took her and threw her in the boot, oops, car and sped off! Man, she tried to attract attention buy trying to get off the car while the car was moving!! She did this 3 times and I had to stop the car in the middle of the road to chase her!!! Luckily it was at around midnight so there weren’t any traffic.
:eek::eek::eek:

[ShaunSA]

This would make a great Ricki Lake episode :)

[thedutchman]

ooooh yes, first ricki lake and afterwards judge judy.. :D

[Fuma]

@CheesB. This is funny. I can just imagine how sacred your girlfriend's boyfriend (not you) was.:D
But after what you just did, i don't think it's worth going back to.
I have this feeling you are unhealthily obsessed with her. Like I always say (unfortunately nobody listens to me), biatches come and go.
***** off while you still have some little pride man. OMG :eek:

[sepulfrodo]

your being played for a chump.

dont even waste your time on someone like that.

if people cant get along then it shouldnt be. for her to even consider doing the psycho things she has done, you should just leave her but by the sounds of things your not going to leave her and this will end in tragedy.

my 2c.

[Londo]

First rule for a successful relationship: Never read the other person's email, letters, faxes, cellphone messages, dig in someone's handbag or wallet, listen in on phone conversations.

Make clear to the other person that you will not do the above. By default, you expect the same from them.

Plus #1: A happier relationship.
Plus #2: You won't find out what you don't want to know.

[frailwings]

are you being played? yes, yes you are.

[Jadoin]

Well confront this issue, the way i see it if your with someone and they tend to neglect you or forget little things like a birthday etc, doesnt mean you have to go off with the next guy that comes along. At the end of the day your just not being true to yourself. If she cant see what she has in front of her, your better off without her and find someone who wont go behind your back sending all those messages and calls, right under your nose. Girls like these give us girls a bad name.

[Devill]

are you being played? yes, yes you are.

+1 :(

[alf101]

are you being played? yes, yes you are.


Well confront this issue, the way i see it if your with someone and they tend to neglect you or forget little things like a birthday etc, doesnt mean you have to go off with the next guy that comes along. At the end of the day your just not being true to yourself. If she cant see what she has in front of her, your better off without her and find someone who wont go behind your back sending all those messages and calls, right under your nose. Girls like these give us girls a bad name.


+1 :(

Did u guys miss the part where he says he put her in his car's boot and drove her around town while she was screaming?

[Fuma]

Did u guys miss the part where he says he put her in his car's boot and drove her around town while she was screaming?

They didn't read the whole thread! :D

[Vegeta]

Did u guys miss the part where he says he put her in his car's boot and drove her around town while she was screaming?
:eek: tehehehe kark funny

[Peerie]

Hows about an update? Have you ended the rship or are you still pulling strong?

[nocilah]

Did u guys miss the part where he says he put her in his car's boot and drove her around town while she was screaming?

wtf?