Voldemort

December 2nd 2010:

This year is almost over...have i done what i set out to do for the year? Probably, i dont know considering i didnt have anything planned for the year, how sad is that?
I see the people that i have known for very long reaching their goals and i wish them well, success is all about time right?
I found out today i have a garnishing order that will take most of salary on a monthly basis til i can kill it in March, oh wow how faaaaaar away March is,...sigh...
A friend of mine offered to help me out but now it turns out he cant and now im stuck right back where i was, oh well, such is life...
I was young and stupid, as were most of us, now this is the part of my life where i pay for my misdemeanours.
All of this makes me panic, a bit of history on me- i used to do drugs, hectically and on almost a daily basis... One day i came home from a rather hectic H20 having popped 15 pills over the last 3 days, not eating and just downing it all with a couple bottles of vodka.
Got to a point where my heart started racing so much that i had my first panic attack. Was staying with my mom at the time and i went to her to say my final goodbyes, i had never had a panic attack before so i didnt know how to handle it. To her credit she stayed by me the whole night til i finally snapped out of it 9 hours later, the worst experience of my entire life....
I have had panic attacks almost every day ever since, but im not on medication for it- instead i went the medical route to check out what was wrong with my body. Ive had chest pains ever since that day, diagnosed with costa chondritus( inflammation of the rib muscle) to hiatus hernia to GERD, I lasted til 12 october this year when an operation, a Nissen fundoplication was deemed necessary. I chocked on solid foods for a month but now im okay, i still experience the odd chest pain, but yeah, i am a smoker after all...
On a daily basis i encounter periods where i cant breath, the panic attacks are still there and they will not go away, i have to live with that now, thats all that drugs ever gave me...
Any way, enough about my past, today is what i focus on.
Today i went to Buccleuch, a strong area for MTN signal, however i found that the roving terrain along with the complex itself met my match, looks like a signal booster for this guy, thank God he meets the criteria. Still asked me what i can do for the whole complex, but i answered that im looking out for him, not the complex....
Went out to Sunninghill yet again to check out their coverage problems... our serving site was demolished in lieu of a new complex so we had to scramble for a new site....3 years later im still fighting hard to get this site up seeing as i have at least 3 calls logged per day for this area!
It should be up before year end, only because i drive tested that entire area, gave my feedback to the CTO and kissed some serious a$$...
Sat stuck in traffic for 2 hours til i finally got home and this is where im typing from.
Tonight i join my clan online for some call of duty:black ops, of which i am the clan leader (Lord knows why, all of them are more talented than i am...)
and thats my day in a nutshell, il post about my mom tomorrow lol.
Anyways i hope im off to a good start and i welcome readers to read this and learn to understand me and where im coming from.

Panic sucks balls eh?

Sounds like you've had a bit of a time.

Haven't really interacted with ye much, so pleased to meet you.

You make me feel guilty for the easier life that I've had thusfar!

@Copacetic, thank you, its a pleasure to meet you too! Yeah ive had a rough life in general, with every day i post on my blog i will post another of my past experiences, thats what im here for- for people to learn about who i truly am...
@MickeyD, what easier life? elaborate, im eager to hear your thoughts.

Sounds pretty rough hey. Here's to better days!

Clan leaader though, awwesome! What platform do you play on?

@Roseaudio- i play on PS3, Playstation has been my life for a looong time, in one of my daily blogs i will outline exactly where ive come from with regards to gaming, but thats for another time

damn snakey you been living a messed up life and i hope you come out with a more positive outlook.

snakepit - I'm on PS3 too! Don't have Blops although I am a massive Gran Turismo fan. Do you have GT5? Mind if I add you on PSN? (i'm in desperate need of some friends! )

@Roseaudio- my handle is GenoCyba, feel free to add me, although i dont do racing gamesssssss, sorry man...

4th December 2010:

Well friday appeared to have gone on uneventful... the odd customer swearing and i dont blame him, downed transmission links relate to a phone blackout...
I look at life and wonder where it came to be that people just cant go on without their cellphones, anybody even remember 1993? I guess not.

I must admit, i have my vices, Johnny walker calls my name regularly, but i fight the urge continuously- the way i feel the next day is no longer of a hungover person, its one of a scared maniac that struggles to breathe and who's heart races the next day....so i pick my days carefully...
I picked my mom up from work, she doesnt drive, not for the 48 years that she has been in existence, and trust me- thats a good thing.
My mothers form of procrastination seems to have seeped into my life a bit, i find that when i need to do something like the dishes im not motivated enough to do so, that goes along with housework, something i do once a week, with a bit of johnny.
My carpets used to stink from the amount of times i spilled red wine and whiskey on it, 4 days ago i hired an extractor and the smell seems to have diminished, not gone gone away, one always recognises the smell of your past, one has to life with it, no doubt.

Right, so this chapter focuses on my mother.... an awesome woman who i wouldnt trade for the world, but a flawed woman from what i see.... hell im flawed too, so who am i to judge?
My mother loves wine, now when i say loves, well im probably underestimating the english language in a translation therof, she adores it, the white wine to be specific- but throw red wine her way and she wont mind.
My mother drinks to get into a zone that i just will never understand, although i feel the same zone every time i drink myself into oblivion, its a sad state of affairs punctuated by the sad existence she lives. At the age of 48, far be it for me to criticize her considering i do almost the same thing on a regular basis, our reasons are different but our end result is merely the same...
A bit of background about my mother:
She had me when she was 19, could afford to keep me at the time so i stayed with my grandmother til i turned 6, then i had to go to school...
My next insert in my blog will describe what happened thereafter, stay tuned, if anybody is listening.

5 December 2010:

Hmmmmm, its Sunday..... I hate sundays, i dont go to church, i dont feel that whole relaxation thing? Sunday to me is a buffer: a buffer between my sanity and the next work day....
The toilet broke lasssssst night, would have to break at 12:00am this morning, prompting me to get the landlord to switch off the water, for how long i dont know, all i know is i hope im constipated lol....
Im sitting staring at a lotto ticket, admiring its intricate design, its charming resonance, the untold secrets it holds for my future- hell, who am i kidding? most i ever won was R276....R276 off a couple thousands worth of spend, whoever said you have to spend money to make money obviously was an exception to the rule.
I had my little sister over for the weekend but just dropped her off thanks to the toilet thing, went and dropped a dook in my toilet before realising the damn things broken, this will be interesting to explain to the inquisitor (plumber) tomorrow...

Right, so i was born in a small town called Amanzimtoti- how it got its name i wouldnt know, but Warner beach was by far the coolest place i couldve originated from. Growing up i didnt notice really how quiet the town was, how could i have? I had never left the place! I dont remember a great deal, I most certainly dont remeber being bathed in a bucket like them pictures indicate, nor bare a$$ with a wind up tomato, absolute conspiracy!
3 things that stick vividly in my mind though...
The portrait....I still have it, March 1986 it was drawn by a lady that hung it from the wimpy in Amanzimtoti to show how gifter she was, and my my my was she gifted I sat for an excruciating still hour while she did it, little did i know that the portrait would come to give me many years of enjoyment to behold.
"BY DIE HUIS!" something my grandfather used to shout overenthusiastically when we got home from a shopping trip, i also used to shout it, not from being excited about being home( but why stupid moron, life was so much greater then??) but rather because of the toy i used to get with every shopping trip, either a thunder cat or a master of the universe, i built up a hectic collection over the years!
The watergun incident.....i remember very clearly the day my mother came down those long steps...what she didnt know was that there was an M4 supercharged water rifle aimed at her all the way down...i never shot it at her, just aimed it- she was the one person that could take me away from this bliss and i sort of hated her for that, i didnt want things to end? But as we find with everything in life, it all has to end sometime....

To be continued sometime in the future...

December 15th 2010:

Well here i am, its been a busy day.....heck, its been a busy week. 5 out of 7 colleagues have gone on leave, leaving my coverage juresdiction stretching from Botswana to Mozambique....am i gonna pay attention to their queries logged? i dunno, dunno if i can handle that....
went out to three clients today that ask if i can handle and sort the situation before year end...im unsure if i can about that either, im at the mercy of the people who i create a project for, so what do i say, il do what i can...

....its a cold winter morning sometime in 1988...my grandfather oupa willy has been coughing up blood and gunk to the point that he's bedridden, turns out he has stage 4 lung cancer from all the lovely cigarettes he smoked- congratulations rothmans, while you sell your endless tirade of tar one of kindest men i have ever known succumbs to the chemical imbalance that has caused a cancer cell in his body...
In the blink of what i felt was an eye i was whisked away to apparently greener pastures, no more deat, no more illness and one that involved never saying goodbye to the old man i had loved and respected...
I was bundled, kicking and screaming, into the back of a ford rustler, to my journey to a new life, with a rubix cube and an instilled fear in my heart for my ailling grandfather as my only companion for the journey.
I arrived on this new soil with much trepidation in my heart, i never ever took it well that i had been shunted from the life i knew to the life i would come to know then...but that is a story for another day.

Its a new age, Snakepit is no more... the dark lord Voldemort has stepped in to take his place.
Voldemort is the bad side of the snake, he is an uncaring individual, made so by people and circumstance, snakepit was the last of his good nature and that is gone....
I welcome the age of the scorcerer.