k, i got it to work, here is what i did.
I had some problems making an ACTIVE connection in DC++ (Now, being an active and not passive user is good, for one, you can download from more people, well, all of them, passive and active users). So I searched around and finally found a little faw over at dc++'s site that described the process nicely, so here follows what I learned.
I did this on a Netgear DG834. But the explenation should work for any router. Also make usre you dont have some software firewall running (also look out for XP's firewall), or at least configure them too.
Here is a snippet from the original faq with some alternations to make things more clear.
Active mode requires both TCP and UDP access on the same port for DC++ to work properly
1) First you need to set up the router to forward the connections to the computer with DC++. This is could be called Port mapping, port redirecting, port forwarding or something like that. Find out how to do this with your router/NAT in the user manual.
You need to forward one port (select a number between 1024 - 65535, they should mostly all be free. The default port is 1412, but it is wise to select a unique one) and make sure both UDP and TCP is forwarded.
On the DG834 you need to go to “Services” and add a service with the port you selected and on BOTH TCP and UDP (just select TCP/UDP), then head to “Firewall Rules” and add the service there uinder “Inbound Services”. “Send to LAN Server” should be your DC++ machine's IP (see end of this on how to make that static if your router is used as DHCP server.
The IP that you are forwarding to should be the internal IP address of your DC++ computer. It usually begins with "192.168", "172.16." or "10.x.". Go to the command prompt and type: ipconfig
2) Now to changing DC++
In Connection Settings you wanna tick “Active” and enter an IP and the port you opened.
The IP you enter must be the Dynamic IP you get from Telkom. You can find out what it is here: http://www.dslreports.com/ip
To make things a bit easier – not having to change the ip in DC++ Settings every 24 hours – create a host name at dyndns.org – I'm not sure about other routers but mine have a field where you can enter your dyndns.org host name, username, and password and it will update it each time your ip changes.
So over at dyndns.org you sign up (it is FREE) and create a hostname for example me.kicks-ass.net . Then in the DC++ Setting you will eneter this host name where they ask for IP and all should work fine

- see the dyndns.org pages for help on how to use their service – it is easy enough.
Assigning a static IP to machine connected to your router. You dont wanna change the ip in the router settings each time dhcp decide to give your dc++ machione a new ip. Just tell it to assign that machine (identified via mac addy) the same ip allways. On my router it is under “Lan IP Setup“ -> “Address Reservation”
Hope this helped ...