
Originally Posted by
The Internet Oracle (formerly the Usenet Oracle)
THE SCENE: A dark antechamber of the iBurst Towers, dimly lit by three 20"
monitors suspended from the ceiling. In the middle of the room is a
Pentium/100Hz, sheathed in a black casing. Three technicians dance around
the machine, chanting horribly. Their pale, clammy complexion is cast
hideously by the light of the monitors, rendered even more repugnant to the
watchful eye bye the 60Hz flicker of the monitors.
FIRST TECHNICIAN: Thrice the brinded net hath mewed.
SECOND TECHNICIAN: Thrice, and once the ADSL-pig whined.
THIRD TECHNICIAN: MacHarpier cries. 'Tis time, 'tis time!
FIRST: Round about the terminal go;
In the poisoned upgrade throw.
Faulty modems, which by a student done
In minutes numbering sixty-one.
Noise errors, disconnection fault,
Crash ye first, crash ye shalt.
ALL: [as they dance around the Pentium]:
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Tempers burn and data bubble.
SECOND: Fillet of an iBurps modem bake,
In the Pentium no connection make;
Point of arrow, click of mouse,
Scream of user, frightened spouse,
Speed doth appeal,
No worries I feel.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;
Tempers burn and data bubble.
THIRD: Click "Refresh" button, speed of slug,
You would think you forgot the modem's plug.
Full speed, ha ha ho
If just one k worked you'd be good to go.
This should grab those straggling few
Who aren't using our iBurps accounts department.
Now we shall the ADSL eclipse,
While curse words cross our users' lips.
Leave the line noise in so we can fix
And sell more... Megabytes!
And so we will interrupt the line for download data
For corruption of their data.
ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;
Users buy, our profits quadruple.
SECOND: Fix it with draconian speed throttling though,
Since the users have no clue.
[Enter Mtswali to the other three TECHNICIANs.]
Mtswali: O, well done! I commend your pains,
And everyone shall share i' the gains.
And now about the modems get,
But NEVER use it on OUR net.
Speed is scarce put in.
[Beeps of PONG heard in the background.]
[Exit Mtswali.]
SECOND TECHNICIAN: By the usage of my Dashboard
Wicked Hackers this way comes.
Open locks,
Whoever knocks!
[Fade to black.]
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