Religion or none

[ChilliGirl]

I was thinking of starting here and then taking the matter further by telling the family and the wife this is a problem though

They will fight.
They will cry
They will pray
They will try to get you to go to church
They will try get you to read the bible selectively as they do.

Been there done that.
The priests/pastors in the family still pray for me as do the other very religious folks.

But with time they will accept(reluctantly) that you have made a choice.

[ChilliGirl]

You would know better than us strangers on the Internet but surely your wife won't reject you just because you no longer share her belief? Surely she will respect your right to choose for yourself?

This^.

She might be upset for a day or 2 but if she respects your right to choose she will.

Remember she will need time to process what you tell her.

[Elimentals]

The good thing is her brother is a geologist and he started doubting a while ago he actually did come to me about a week ago and starting talking about clashes in the bible and that he is doubting I told him he doesn't have to worry and that there is God unknowingly this was lying

One thing I must add is you do not have to take anybody's answer as definitive on the subject. You and only you can decide on that, the decision does not come lightly and needs input, learn read and explore.

Even the bible tells you to go out and seek, so if you ask question to your preacher remember this passages the moment they come with we do not question (John 8:32, 1 John 4:1)

Also being atheist does not mean you must now run in the streets yelling to everyone that you do not believe in a deity. In fact I can promise you 90% of the people in my real life will probably fall on their backs if they knew the truth. Not that I am afraid of it, its just that I do not force my views onto others. Only when you step on my toes will you get me to react. Well except your partner. if you leave this out she will react badly if she does find it out from other sources. Always share everything with your partner.

[ChilliGirl]

I never questioned the bible or god for that matter, I have always had this feeling inside of me that what I am doing is not right though and this actually has been my turn around the facts that what the bible says is so false and what Christians proclaim to be the only living god well i dont see him in front of me

Unknowingly meaning that I never really knew what I was doing

It was more a case of protecting your doubts and very personal thoughts that you were not ready to share at the time.

[TJ99]

I never questioned the bible or god for that matter, I have always had this feeling inside of me that what I am doing is not right though and this actually has been my turn around the facts that what the bible says is so false and what Christians proclaim to be the only living god well i dont see him in front of me

Unknowingly meaning that I never really knew what I was doing

Oh, thanks for clearing that up. Yes I've had to lie about believing in things I don't as well. It feels terrible but at the time I knew those people would never understand or accept it. I don't know if that's the case with you but I do know it sucks to have to live a lie just to please other people.

[ChilliGirl]

Byron,

Very personal question: Are you white, indian......?

[Elimentals]

She actually told me on our marriage day that her faith is very important to her and that i should share the same believes this ultimately is the biggest obstacle in my way at the moment as she will start seeing this, for example when we sit down for supper I normally do a pray for us I wont be able to do this anymore ...

Why not?

I sit on table when my friends pray, I dont close my eye's but I hold hands like everyone else, I lost faith, not respect.

Again not saying hide from your wife but I am just pointing out some of the things people fail on when they stop believing.

[Naks]

She actually told me on our marriage day that her faith is very important to her and that i should share the same believes this ultimately is the biggest obstacle in my way at the moment as she will start seeing this, for example when we sit down for supper I normally do a pray for us I wont be able to do this anymore ...

Boet, I don't want to rain on your parade before it has even started, but your wife may end up shunning you if that's her position on matters of faith.

[dudewotevr]

But you are born as nothing but die as someone.
You don't just become nothing.

You don't become nothing, your body decays and the elements of which you consist are returned to the earth, and over billions of years back to the stars from whence the material came in the first place.

[ChilliGirl]

Not personal

White, wife on the other hand Greek family



Its not that I lost respect but as head of the household I am the one that usually prays

Greek Orth?

Have you got children?

[Geriatrix]

Agreed but the one I cannot hide this is my wife ... This is something that I need to decide on and to decide for myself do I want to live the rest of my life fake or take a stand and the implications of my actions

Why? Serious question. Not for me but for you.

[ChilliGirl]

Why? Serious question. Not for me but for you.

Yip. That makes it sound like a war....

[porchrat]

She actually told me on our marriage day that her faith is very important to her and that i should share the same believes this ultimately is the biggest obstacle in my way at the moment as she will start seeing this, for example when we sit down for supper I normally do a pray for us I wont be able to do this anymore ...

I don't really know what to say to this mate so I will just say what I would do:

Time to make a decision I suppose. If you genuinely no longer believe and there is no hope of you ever being able to rekindle your faith then perhaps it is time to tell her. I know I wouldn't want to live a lie for the rest of my life. If however you are just having a crisis of faith then I still recommend you talk to her as she can help you through it.

[byron_spy]

Greek Orth?

Have you got children?

They Christians though

Yes we have a 6 year old daughter

[DJ...]

She actually told me on our marriage day that her faith is very important to her and that i should share the same believes this ultimately is the biggest obstacle in my way at the moment as she will start seeing this, for example when we sit down for supper I normally do a pray for us I wont be able to do this anymore ...

You need to talk this out rationally with her which will be difficult because this can be a very emotionally-charged subject to discuss with a loved one. You need to be one step ahead of her here, in a good way. Anticipate her reaction, her responses and your reasons beforehand and handle it as delicately as possible.

She will try to send you to your local priest/pastor for guidance. If that is what it takes, then go for it, but come to the forum first for some advice on how to handle that situation.At the end of the day you need to empathise with her position as she sees this not only as an insult to her traditional views of what a family structure is, but as a precursor to how your kids will be brought up. These things you need to factor in to your discussion with her and ease her mind about them before she brings them up as potential argument points.

The forum can help. We've all been through this at some point in our lives. Well, the non-theists at least. What I will say is spend some time studying this subject better before making a rash decision to have the conversation without having your ducks in a row. Spend the next few months asking questions here and start learning more. Knowledge is power, to quote Bill Nigh The Science Guy (I think).

Accept that you may need to put on a bit of a show for a few months. That transition phase is important. Don't just jump ship and regret it later...