Religious jokes?

[buyeye]

Can you prove the burning bush spoke?

No sir , I was not there also I cannot time travel.

I can talk about the message in that scripture though.

[buyeye]

Well, since there's no proof, I'm just going to assert you did.

What you going to do about it?

smile

[Spizz]

No , sir but I would like proof of him talking to God.

let me get this right you think several hundred million christians are mad?

Well that wasn't my point. I was being specific about you two. Your beliefs, to me, are mad.

As for the many hundreds of millions of Christians, well they are all deluded as I mentioned earlier, but for varying reasons they may or may not be mad. I suppose it depends on how you came into the religion.

For a lot of people there was no choice and the heavy handed indoctrination left a path out quite difficult if not impossible. Especially the children abused as youngsters into being forced to believe or suffer horribly for eternity. They had no choice, I feel sad for them unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy as adults.

And of course for adults, many need a teddy bear when life doesn't quite work out. Can't really blame them either.

But of course, there are a huge number of people who refuse to think about things and continue unabated in their preposterous beliefs without even being aware of the contents of the book they claim to follow. They are mad.

So I don't know how you came into your beliefs, but to continue to believe when you know how to use the internet??? Well, there has to be something missing somewhere. Whether it is your fault or not, not to question is madness.

[Chevron]

Well that wasn't my point. I was being specific about you two. Your beliefs, to me, are mad.

As for the many hundreds of millions of Christians, well they are all deluded as I mentioned earlier, but for varying reasons they may or may not be mad. I suppose it depends on how you came into the religion.

For a lot of people there was no choice and the heavy handed indoctrination left a path out quite difficult if not impossible. Especially the children abused as youngsters into being forced to believe or suffer horribly for eternity. They had no choice, I feel sad for them unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy as adults.

And of course for adults, many need a teddy bear when life doesn't quite work out. Can't really blame them either.

But of course, there are a huge number of people who refuse to think about things and continue unabated in their preposterous beliefs without even being aware of the contents of the book they claim to follow. They are mad.

So I don't know how you came into your beliefs, but to continue to believe when you know how to use the internet??? Well, there has to be something missing somewhere. Whether it is your fault or not, not to question is madness.

I think you just won the thread, the forum and the internet with just one post.

[Spizz]

I think you just won the thread, the forum and the internet with just one post.

There's a sig if ever I saw one

[buyeye]

Well that wasn't my point. I was being specific about you two. Your beliefs, to me, are mad.

As for the many hundreds of millions of Christians, well they are all deluded as I mentioned earlier, but for varying reasons they may or may not be mad. I suppose it depends on how you came into the religion.

For a lot of people there was no choice and the heavy handed indoctrination left a path out quite difficult if not impossible. Especially the children abused as youngsters into being forced to believe or suffer horribly for eternity. They had no choice, I feel sad for them unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy as adults.

And of course for adults, many need a teddy bear when life doesn't quite work out. Can't really blame them either.

But of course, there are a huge number of people who refuse to think about things and continue unabated in their preposterous beliefs without even being aware of the contents of the book they claim to follow. They are mad.

So I don't know how you came into your beliefs, but to continue to believe when you know how to use the internet??? Well, there has to be something missing somewhere. Whether it is your fault or not, not to question is madness.

Thank you for your concern .

I can tell you now that I have studied the bible and have a good understanding of who God is and what he wants from me.

Now you can stop feeling sorry for me.

Btw I only studied the bible as an adult , yes they did teach religious studies when I was in primary school but I couldn't follow any of it. So maybe you should give it another shot if you had a similar experiance in school.

[Spizz]

Thank you for your concern .

I can tell you now that I have studied the bible and have a good understanding of who God is and what he wants from me.

Now you can stop feeling sorry for me.

Btw I only studied the bible as an adult , yes they did teach religious studies when I was in primary school but I couldn't follow any of it. So maybe you should give it another shot if you had a similar experiance in school.

The contents of the bible are meaningless unless you know who wrote them. The overwhelming evidence says it was men, loooongggg after the supposed events where the supposed star of the book supposedly lived and supposedly had every word he ever supposedly said transcribed by people who weren't there, never met him or indeed met anyone who met him. If he lived at all.

But hey, if you studied it, I'd be interested to know how you interpret the hundreds of contradictions. Can you tell me for example which lineage of Jesus to David is correct? I'm no expert, but I recall one line of ancestors had about 40 generations, and the other had about 25, with very few being the same people.

Both in the new testament by two different authors (was is Matthew and Luke?), and both completely contradict each other.

So was God wrong, or was it indeed written by man?

If by man, how did they transcribe all of these conversations decades and centuries after the supposed events? Like Jesus talking to Mary Magdelene for example, where were the witnesses who heard the conversation? Now I heard this bit was added by the RC church about 400 after the crucification. Can that be correct? If so, as a scholar, how do you explain it?

Did God guide the hand of the Pope? Are you a catholic? If not why follow what they say from then when you wouldn't now. Should that bit be removed from the bible?

Sheesh, so many questions. Good to meet a scholar to answer them though.

Please enlighten me.

[buyeye]

The contents of the bible are meaningless unless you know who wrote them. The overwhelming evidence says it was men, loooongggg after the supposed events where the supposed star of the book supposedly lived and supposedly had every word he ever supposedly said transcribed by people who weren't there, never met him or indeed met anyone who met him. If he lived at all.

But hey, if you studied it, I'd be interested to know how you interpret the hundreds of contradictions. Can you tell me for example which lineage of Jesus to David is correct? I'm no expert, but I recall one line of ancestors had about 40 generations, and the other had about 25, with very few being the same people.

Both in the new testament by two different authors (was is Matthew and Luke?), and both completely contradict each other.

So was God wrong, or was it indeed written by man?

If by man, how did they transcribe all of these conversations decades and centuries after the supposed events? Like Jesus talking to Mary Magdelene for example, where were the witnesses who heard the conversation? Now I heard this bit was added by the RC church about 400 after the crucification. Can that be correct? If so, as a scholar, how do you explain it?

Did God guide the hand of the Pope? Are you a catholic? If not why follow what they say from then when you wouldn't now. Should that bit be removed from the bible?

Sheesh, so many questions. Good to meet a scholar to answer them though.

Please enlighten me.

Thank you for your interest i'll start by saying I believe the teachings by JW's are closest to what the bible realy teaches.

Here is Christs lineage:
Matthew 1:1-25

"1The book of the history of Jesus Christ, son of David, son of Abraham:

2Abraham became father to Isaac;
Isaac became father to Jacob;
Jacob became father to Judah and his brothers;

3Judah became father to Pe´rez and to Ze´rah by Ta´mar;
Pe´rez became father to Hez´ron;
Hez´ron became father to Ram;

4Ram became father to Am·min´a·dab;
Am·min´a·dab became father to Nah´shon;
Nah´shon became father to Sal´mon;

5Sal´mon became father to Bo´az by Ra´hab;
Bo´az became father to O´bed by Ruth;
O´bed became father to Jes´se;

6Jes´se became father to David the king.
David became father to Sol´o·mon by the wife of U·ri´ah;

7Sol´o·mon became father to Re·ho·bo´am;
Re·ho·bo´am became father to A·bi´jah;
A·bi´jah became father to A´sa;

8A´sa became father to Je·hosh´a·phat;
Je·hosh´a·phat became father to Je·ho´ram;
Je·ho´ram became father to Uz·zi´ah;

9Uz·zi´ah became father to Jo´tham;
Jo´tham became father to A´haz;
A´haz became father to Hez·e·ki´ah;

10Hez·e·ki´ah became father to Ma·nas´seh;
Ma·nas´seh became father to A´mon;
A´mon became father to Jo·si´ah;

11Jo·si´ah became father to Jec·o·ni´ah and to his brothers at the time of the deportation to Babylon.

12After the deportation to Babylon Jec·o·ni´ah became father to She·al´ti·el;
She·al´ti·el became father to Ze·rub´ba·bel;

13Ze·rub´ba·bel became father to A·bi´ud;
A·bi´ud became father to E·li´a·kim;
E·li´a·kim became father to A´zor;

14A´zor became father to Za´dok;
Za´dok became father to A´chim;
A´chim became father to E·li´ud;

15E·li´ud became father to El·e·a´zar;
El·e·a´zar became father to Mat´than;
Mat´than became father to Jacob;

16Jacob became father to Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom Jesus was born, who is called Christ."

Please tell me which question you want me to respond to next.I almost forgot the bible is insipred by(of) God but the actual pen to paper was by men. This is why some of the illustrations have understanding of that Era.

[undesign]

snip

Where did all the (')s disappear to in par 16?

So in short: blah blah blah, bla bla Holy Immaculate Unauthorised Seed Distribution Violation blah blah bla Christ.

[buyeye]

Where did all the (')s disappear to in par 16?

So in short: blah blah blah, bla bla Holy Immaculate Unauthorised Seed Distribution Violation blah blah bla Christ.

I promise you it is a shameless copy and paste.

[buyeye]

Please read this one carefully paying extra attention at the end as this names them back to the begining of man. All generations even before Abraham friend of God , that is where the extra generations come in.

Luke 3:23-38
"23Furthermore, Jesus himself, when he commenced [his work], was about thirty years old, being the son, as the opinion was,
of Joseph,
[son] of He´li,

24[son] of Mat´that,
[son] of Le´vi,
[son] of Mel´chi,
[son] of Jan´na·i,
[son] of Joseph,

25[son] of Mat·ta·thi´as,
[son] of A´mos,
[son] of Na´hum,
[son] of Es´li,
[son] of Nag´ga·i,

26[son] of Ma´ath,
[son] of Mat·ta·thi´as,
[son] of Sem´e·in,
[son] of Jo´sech,
[son] of Jo´da,

27[son] of Jo·an´an,
[son] of Rhe´sa,
[son] of Ze·rub´ba·bel,
[son] of She·al´ti·el,
[son] of Ne´ri,

28[son] of Mel´chi,
[son] of Ad´di,
[son] of Co´sam,
[son] of El·ma´dam,
[son] of Er,

29[son] of Jesus,
[son] of E·li·e´zer,
[son] of Jo´rim,
[son] of Mat´that,
[son] of Le´vi,

30[son] of Sym´e·on,
[son] of Judas,
[son] of Joseph,
[son] of Jo´nam,
[son] of E·li´a·kim,

31[son] of Me´le·a,
[son] of Men´na,
[son] of Mat´ta·tha,
[son] of Nathan,
[son] of David,

32[son] of Jes´se,
[son] of O´bed,
[son] of Bo´az,
[son] of Sal´mon,
[son] of Nah´shon,

33[son] of Am·min´a·dab,
[son] of Ar´ni,
[son] of Hez´ron,
[son] of Pe´rez,
[son] of Judah,

34[son] of Jacob,
[son] of Isaac,
[son] of Abraham,
[son] of Te´rah,
[son] of Na´hor,

35[son] of Se´rug,
[son] of Re´u,
[son] of Pe´leg,
[son] of E´ber,
[son] of She´lah,

36[son] of Ca·i´nan,
[son] of Ar·pach´shad,
[son] of Shem,
[son] of Noah,
[son] of La´mech,

37[son] of Me·thu´se·lah,
[son] of E´noch,
[son] of Ja´red,
[son] of Ma·ha´la·le·el,
[son] of Ca·i´nan,

38[son] of E´nosh,
[son] of Seth,
[son] of Adam,
[son] of God. "

[Pr⊕phet]

Can you prove the burning bush spoke?

I can, seems the bush can speak

[DrJohnZoidberg]

I've also spoken to God before, problem is he never says anything back. I don't think he likes me.

[Spizz]

Please read this one carefully paying extra attention at the end as this names them back to the begining of man. All generations even before Abraham friend of God , that is where the extra generations come in.

Luke 3:23-38
.....

<snip>

Ok, so what am I missing? These two lines are completely different.

[buyeye]

Ok, so what am I missing? These two lines are completely different.

The first one starts at Abraham down to Christ whereas the second counts back from christ on earth to Adam and Christ as the word in the begining.