I enjoyed some of them too...Originally Posted by McT
I enjoyed some of them too...
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.
A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.
There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."
"No, a straw," says the Tramp.
The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.
To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".
It's a bit of a mystery how he died. Some speculate there was arsenic poisoning in his wallpaper. But he died in bed.
You were watching until a stone was cut out without hands
His doctors did a Michael Jackson on him. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3913213.stm
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Sigh...guess where I am now...
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes?
Americans don't get them.
Jag kamp.....
Vier ouens het na dieselfde jagplaas in die Kalahari gegaan vir baie jare.
Twee dae voor hulle weer sou gaan het Vossie se vrou haar voet neergesit en gesê dat hierdie keer gaan hy nie.
Vossie se pêlle was uit die aard van die saak baie ontseld, maar wat kan 'n man maak.
Twee dae later toe die drie egter by die jagplaas aankom kry hulle Vossie sit by die vuur met 'n bier in die hand.
Tente was klaar opgeslaan.
Vuurmaak hout op 'n hoop en die vleis klaar op die rooster.
"Hoe lank is jy al hier?
En hoe de hel het jy reggekry om jou vrou te kry om jou te laat kom" wou hulle weet.
"Wel ek het vroeg vanoggend hier aangekom"
"Gisteraand sit ek gatvol op my stoel by die huis toe my vrou van agter kom en my oë toedruk en vra
"Raai wie" Ek haal haar hande af en sien dat sy die sexyste nightie aanhet.
Sy vat my hand en trek my kamer toe. Daar gekom sien ek 'n klomp kerse wat brand en roos blare die hele wêreld vol. Op die bed lê daar toue en 'n paar handboeie.
Sy sê toe ek moet haar uittrek en vasmaak op die bed.
Ek doen dit toe maar.
Toe sê sy "Nou doen jy net wat jy wil"
So hier is ek
I asked a pretty, young, homeless women if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box...
Jong outjie wat nog nooit seks gehad het nie is met n meisie in sy kamer. Sy le kaal op die bed en vra hom: Weet jy wat ek wil he? Hy se nee. Sy maak haar bene oop en vra: weet jy nou? Hy se nee. Sy maak haar bene wawyd oop en vra:Weet jy nou wat ek wil he? Hy bloos en se: Ja,jy wil die hele donerse bed vir jouself he!
Jokes about Chinese a sign of razy lacism
Outjie in weermag stuur vir sy ouma 'n handgranaat met notatjie aan. "As ouma die pennetjie uittrek, kry ek 3 dae af om te kom kuier"Liefde, Boetie"..
Lol
A Department of Water Resources representative (Philemon) stops at a
Free State farm and talks with old farmer Koos.
He tells Koos, "I need to inspect your farm for the water allocation".
Koos says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there".
Philemon says, "Meneer, I have the full authority of the ANC Government
with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I
WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I
made myself clear? Do you understand?"
Koos nods politely and goes about his chores. Shortly, thereafter Koos
hears loud screams and spies Philemon running for his life followed
close behind by the farmer's bull, who's gaining with every step.
Philemon is clearly terrified, and is screaming for help, so the old
farmer throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of
his lungs.....
"Your card! Show him your card! "
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Seuntjie ry saam sy pa in die kar en skielik waai daar 'n vibrator teen die windscreen vas. Die seuntjie kyk verstom daarna...sy pa skrik en sit die wipers aan en vee d vibrator weg. Seuntjie vra sy pa: "**** pa wat was dit?" Die pa antwoord: "Dit was maar net 'n tor gewees". Seuntjie skree: "F#kkit, het pa daai tor se p!el gesien?!"
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