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Thread: Funniest jokes you know

  1. #4081
    King of de Jungle Garyvdh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madman88 View Post
    A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but clingwrap.

    So the psychiatrist says "I can see clearly your nuts".
    um, is that joke deliberately playing on a grammatical mistake? - your/you're

  2. #4082
    Super Grandmaster Madman88's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garyvdh View Post
    um, is that joke deliberately playing on a grammatical mistake? - your/you're
    Yes
    I am 13531

    "Balance is the key to everything, without it we would just keep falling over."

  3. #4083

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    Kaye goes to visit his doctor. Here is the conversation that ensued:

    "Don't laugh!" said Kaye.

    "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional.
    In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

    "Okay then," Kaye said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery...

    Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor.. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

    "I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now ... what seems to be the problem?"

    "It's swollen," Kaye replied.

  4. #4084

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    Lol had me loling loudly in the bus!

  5. #4085

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    Difference among girls aged
    8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 & 78
    8 - U take her to bed & tell her a story!
    18 - U tell her a story & take her to bed
    28 - U don't have to tell her a story to take her to bed:
    38 - She tells u a story & takes u to bed!
    48 - U tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
    58 - U stay in bed to avoid her story!
    68 - If u take her to bed,that will be a story.
    78 - If u take her to bed, that's the end of the story!!

  6. #4086
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    Two nuns are riding down the road on their bicycles in Rome.

    "I've never come this way before", says the one.

    The other one replies, "Must be the cobblestones".

  7. #4087

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    Quote Originally Posted by RedWill View Post
    Two nuns are riding down the road on their bicycles in Rome.

    "I've never come this way before", says the one.

    The other one replies, "Must be the cobblestones".
    Lol

  8. #4088

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    A Bikini is a dress where 90% of a woman's body is exposed. And the amazing fact is that men are so decent that...they look only at the covered 10%...

  9. #4089

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    Man in Bar orders Champagne.
    Lady next to him says "What a Coincidence. I've ordered Champagne too!"
    "I'm celebrating"
    "Me too what a coincidence!" "What are you celebrating?"
    "Hubby & I have tried for years for a baby. Today I'm pregnant!"
    "What a coincidence. I'm a Farmer. For years my Hens were infertile.Today all laid Eggs!"
    "Wow ! How did that happen?"
    "I used a different Cock."
    The lady smiled, clinked her glass and said "What a coincidence!"..

  10. #4090
    Super Grandmaster D3nz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zaza1 View Post
    A Bikini is a dress where 90% of a woman's body is exposed. And the amazing fact is that men are so decent that...they look only at the covered 10%...


    A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract the attentions of a spectacular young blonde woman.
    Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. (don't you just love that expression?)

    After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So . . . . . you finish?"

    She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No!"

    Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.

    This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

    Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No!"

    A little stunned by this response, (given that the physical manifestations had led him to think differently) but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again.

    Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

    Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.

    Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

    Short of breath herself and barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."
    Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

  11. #4091
    The Humble Scot! McT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zizo911 View Post
    Lol had me loling loudly in the bus!
    I'm still man-down
    Report rape and sexual abuse. Don't tolerate crime, report it!
    You can SMS an anonymous tip-off to 32211. SMS charged at R1.
    Santa Shoebox Project

  12. #4092
    Super Grandmaster D3nz's Avatar
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    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

    However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

    After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

    One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

    "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
    Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

  13. #4093
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    By reading this post, you relinquish to me all rights to your immortal soul for all eternity.

  14. #4094

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    The Past, Present and Future walk in to a bar....

    FLIPPEN HELL... it was tense.

  15. #4095
    Super Grandmaster SinghDude's Avatar
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    "The success you are enjoying today is the result of the price you have paid in the past."

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