Try now.Originally Posted by gregmcc
Try now.
Still doesn't display and it belongs in the funny pictures thread.
Oops.
This is a variation of the Nigerian email scam. Read the letter and the reply to it, given below:
From: Barristeredward mark [mailto:barristeredward_700@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: Sun 6/10/2007 11:29 AM
To: Arnold Knopfmacher
Subject: RE: ASKING FOR NEXT OF KIN
Hello Sir,
I am Barrister Edward, a solicitor at law. I am the personal Attorney to Mr. Ronald Shirley a national of your country, who lived in Ghana. On the 21st of April 2002, my client was involved in a car accident along sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives.
I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits was lodged. Particularly, the Union Bank Plc where the deceased had an account valued at about 9.6 million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confisicated within the next ten official working days.
Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over 4 years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at 9.6 million dollars can be paid to you. If you agree we can discuss your percentage.
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Awaiting your response.
Best regards,
Barrister Edward
__________________________________________________ ___________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________
__________
Dear Barrister Edward,
I hope you don't mind if I call you Eddie.
Thank you for your kind offer to present me as the next of kin to Mr Ronald Shirley, with whom you claim I share the same last name. Actually this is a common misconception, but the names Shirley and Knopfmacher do in fact exhibit small differences. For example, Knopfmacher begins with a K, has eleven letters and is of German origin. Shirley begins with an S, has seven letters and is I believe, of English origin. Also Knopfmacher, unlike Shirley, is seldom used as a first name for young girls.
That being said, if you are able to convince me that the bank officials in Ghana are all in fact dyslexic morons with terminal myopia, then it may indeed be possible for your scheme to work. I also don't know if I bear any physical resemblance to the unfortunate Mr Shirley, but under the circumstances I feel that a photo of a dead parrot wearing sunglasses should be adequate to convince the officials you are dealing with of my kinship with dear Ronald. Also, it is definitely a relief to know that I will be protected against any breach of the law. Ever since my convictions for manslaughter I have been rather leery of dealing with the legal profession. I did however, beat the rap on a number of separate first degree murder charges, so, in the end, I suppose I could say that the system works. Indeed, I still have a number of substantial payments owing to the judges in the aforementioned trials, so your 9.6 million dollars would certainly come at an opportune time.
On rereading your letter, it seems rather strange that the accident happened on sagbama express road, since I understand it has been closed ever since the monsoon in '97 which left its entire length under water. But I suppose, Ronald may have been scuba-diving at the time, a favourite pastime of his.
Of course, I never actually knew Ronald personally, (probably you didn't need me to tell you that).But if our scheme is to work, my knowledge of snippets about his interests will add veracity to our claim, which is based at present only the supposed similarities in our two last names, something that is unlikely to stand up to extended scrutiny, even in Ghana.
By any chance, did Ronald suffer from any severe genetic birth defects? Such a coincidence would further bolster our claim of a common ancestry.
One final detail, a condition of my conviction is that I cannot hold a bank account in my name for the next five years. Perhaps I can open one in the name of Shirley, to bypass this problem.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Arnold "Shirley"
Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM
Quicky turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
Last edited by jingaling; 30-05-2012 at 08:50 PM.
Q: Whats happens when a whore house catches fire?
A: Some come out running and some run out coming!
Several people were asked to solve the following problem:
Prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.
mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and by induction, we have
that all the odd integers are prime."
Statistician: 100% of the sample 5, 13, 37, 41 and 53 is prime, so all odd
numbers must be prime.
Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... uh, 9 is an
experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... Well, it seems that
you're right."
Quantum Physicist: All numbers are equally prime and non-prime until observed.
Chemist: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime.. that's enough."
Chemist: 1 prime, 3 prime, 5 prime...hey, let's publish!
Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ..., 9 is
..., well if you approximate, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime...
Well, it does seem right."
Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not working, fetch
toolbox.
Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime...
[Continue until told to go home by others]
Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as
an exercise for the student.
Computer scientist: I've just whipped up a program to REALLY go and prove
it..." He goes over to his terminal and runs his program. Reading
the output on the screen he says, "1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime,
1 is prime...."
Computer scientist using Unix: 3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime,
segmentation fault. core dumped.
Computer Scientist:
1 is prime, 10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime...
C programmer: 03 is prime, 05 is prime, 07 is prime, 09 is really 011
which everyone knows is prime, ...
BASIC programmer: What's a prime?
Windows programmer: 1 is prime. Wait.
Linux Programmer:
3 is prime
5 is prime
7 is prime
9 is fed up with a prime-dominated world, and has set up its own number system.
Mac programmer: Now why would anyone want to know about that? That's not
user friendly. You don't worry about it, we'll take care of it for you.
TRS-80 Computer Programmer: One is prime, Two is prime, Three is prime, Out
of Memory.
Logician:
Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime
Proof:
1) If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true
2) The proof exists; you're reading it now.
From 1 and 2 follows that all odd numbers are prime
Confused Undergraduate: Yes, it's true. Proof: Let p be any prime
number larger than 2. Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd. QED
Linguist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 aaah. I can make 9 a prime.
Linguist: are you lot going to shut up and buy me a beer or not?
Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an
odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime, ...
So we go on to the architect (Architecture is the only completely
non-technical faculty in the technion):
Architects are very friendly people who are always ready to help, so
when asked to prove that all odd numbers are prime:
"I'd love to help you, if you could just clarify something ... what
exactly are odd numbers?"
Philosopher : why don't we just call all the odd numbers prime and call
all the prime numbers odd, that way all the odd numbers would be prime
Philosopher: 3 is prime. Hum, thats an interesting statment, I'll get
one of my research students to look into that.
Economist: "Assume 9 is prime..."
Economist: 2 is a prime, 4 is a prime.
Economist: 3 is even, 4 is even, 6 is even...
Economist: 4 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. Look
the prime rate is dropping.
Theologian: 3 is prime and that's good enough for me!
Theologian: No after all before God all numbers even, odd and prime are
created equal.
Christian: I'm sure the Bible says that all odd numbers are prime.
The Psychiatrist: 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime
but trying to supress it, 11 is prime......
Shrink: 3 is prime, 5 is prime etc... And how could one specify "prime"
anyway?
Psychologists: Do they want to be?
Sociologist: 3 is a number, 3 is prime, all numbers are prime.
Sociologist: is it right to call numbers odd?
Sociologist: 3 is a number, 3 is prime, all numbers are prime.
Multiculturalist: Pfui! There you go, classifying numbers into categories.
Lawyer: 3 is prime, yet 5 could be anything, taking into account, but not
limited to, the fact that 4 may or may not be prime, depending on the
witnesses' testimonies and the written evidence furnished.
Lawyer: According to Maths v Logic, 9 was judicially declared prime
Lawyers: one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, seven is prime,
although there appears to be prima facie evidence that nine
is not prime, there exists substantial precedent to indicate
that nine should be considered prime. The following brief
presents the case for nine's primeness ...
Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10%
tax and 5% other obligations.
Accountant: What would you like it to be?
Liberals: The fact that nine is not prime indicates a deprived
cultural environment which can only be remedied by
a federally funded cultural enrichment program.
QA: 1 is not proven, 2 no and reported, 3 not proven, 4 no and reported,
...
Butcher: Prime? What do numbers have to do with meat?
Salesman:
1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and with 9 you get
five excellent primes for the price of three !
This guy owns a horse stud farm. One day a friend phones him and says, 'There's this dwarf with a speech impediment I know who wants to buy a horse, so I've sent him round to see you.'
Sure enough the dwarf turns up. The owner asks him, 'Do you want a male horse or a female horse?'
'A female horth', the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare.
'Nith horth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?'
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. 'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?'
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. 'Nith teeth, can I see her eerth?' the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. 'Nith eerth' he says 'now, can I see her twot?'
With this the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina, he holds him there for a second before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says, 'Maybe I should wefwaze that. Can I see her wun awound!'
Some super offensive jokes:
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co...joke_you_know/
Holy cow. I didn't want to LOL, but ....
Last edited by dualmeister; 01-06-2012 at 11:18 AM.
dude holy mother of balls
WOW...
I am 13531
"Balance is the key to everything, without it we would just keep falling over."
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! ... so wrong ... BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!
Jason Brody is the Justin Bieber of the gaming world
Bestest MMORPG ever! - www.investorchallenge.co.za
Stephen Hawking
bwahahahaha.
There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Zzzzzzzzz
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