Originally Posted by jerijaze
People are always puzzling to understand just what marketing is. So, as a public service, here’s a simple way for our lighties to understand exactly what it is all about:
You vaai to a jol, and you check a genuine looking stekkie you want to dala. You bounce up to her and choon “Ekse, stekkie, I’m a madir. Lets vaai dala” … now that is Direct Marketing.
You vaai to a jol with your guzzies and you check a genuine looking stekkie that you want to dala. One of your bras vaais up to her and choons “Check my bra there, the ou is a madir. You must vaai dala him” … now that is
Advertising.
You vaai to a jol and check a madir looking stekkie that you want to dala. You vaai up to her and organise her cell number. The next day, you bell her and choon ” Ekse, stekkie, I’m madir. You wanna vaai dala” … now thats Telemarketing.
You’re at a jol and check a madir looking stekkie. You vaai and straighten your kleres, you vaai by her and pour her a dop, you open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride pozzie, and then you choon “By the way, I’m a madir, lets vaai dala?” … now thats Public Relations.
You’re at a jol and check a seriously madir looking stekkie. She vaais up to you and choons, ” Ekse, madir, I know you, you’re a madir. I’ll dala you anytime” .. now thats Brand Recognition.
You check a deadly madir stekkie at a jol. You vaai up to her and choon ” Ekse stekkie, I’m a madir. Came way, lets vaai my pozzie and dala”. The stekkie turns around and gives you a lukke sounder on your face … now
thats Customer Feedback
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Lighties in Durban or Lens, maybe
Itty bitty little cuddly bunnies... the other, other white meat
As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to President Obama, " Mr. President, please accept my regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here.
/me est scared of thpiderth...
Kareltjie kom in die kombuis gehardloop en gil vir sy ma..."Kom kyk ouma se prawn!"
Verbaas loop ma agter Kareltjie aan sitkamer toe waar ouma op die bank sit en slaap... oop bene.
Kareltjie wys met sy vinger onder ouma se rok in waar sy geen onderklere aanhet en sê..."Kyk ma, daar is die prawn".
Geskok sê ma..."Kareljie, daai is nie 'n prawn nie"....
Kareltjie sê..."Wel, dit proe soos een!
Last edited by APoc184; 20-07-2012 at 02:37 PM.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
/pukes
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
-Calvin
Dis so sif, maar ek gil van die lag!!
Blonde and a Lamborghini
OK, so there’s this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She’s cruisin’ about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road.
The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it.
The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, “Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!” She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, “While you weren’t looking I stepped out of the circle!”
(LaughAlotJokes.co.za)
Monkey that eats everything
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!”
“Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.
“Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”
(LaughAlotJokes.co.za)
Not bad for a first attempt. 3 out of 10
He's just trying to get traffic to his website by the looks of things. Even tried starting another joke thread on this forum...
A Drunk and a Lawyer Jokes
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic.” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it feels like rubber.”
Curious, the attorney asked, “What do you have there?”
The drunk replied, “I don’t know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.”
The attorney responded, “Let me take a look.”
So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. “Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don’t know what it is. Where did you get it?”
The drunk replied, “Out of my nose.”
(Laugh alot jokes)
Gatiep goes into a bar to have himself a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked," Who owns
the dog tied under that tree outside?"
Gatiep said it was his.
"Your dog seems to be in heat" the officer said.
Gatiep replied, "No way... She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that
shade tree."
The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be
bred."
"No way," said Gatiep. "That dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry
'cause I fed her this morning'."
The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't understand; your dog
wants to have sex!"
Gatiep looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a
police dog.”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
For those sensitive friends, read no further...
The shootings at the cinema in Denver have ruined the Batman film for me.
All I can see in my pirate copy is the audience running about.
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