Adoption Information

[Miss Wong]

So I was adopted a few days after being born and would like to know how to find out who my parents were.

Who should I contact? And how would I go about retrieving this info?

All I know is that I was born in Port Elizabeth on a Friday, I had 7 siblings and that my birth mother's husband was not my biological father but rather her boss was my true father.

 

[azbob]

We have a lot of forumites from PE here and since it’s such a small community, perhaps some photos of yourself will help them deduce who your parents are?

 

[skimread]

Do you know the organization the adoption went through or was it through government?

Adoption is a legal process so find the paper trail and organization that facilitated the adoption.

Do you have a birth certificate?

 

[TheMightyQuinn]

So I was adopted a few days after being born and would like to know how to find out who my parents were.

Who should I contact? And how would I go about retrieving this info?

All I know is that I was born in Port Elizabeth on a Friday, I had 7 siblings and that my birth mother's husband was not my biological father but rather her boss was my true father.

 

[Miss Wong]

@abzo I somehow doubt that

 

[Miss Wong]

@skimread I think my mom got me through an old family friend who worked for an agency (I'm not 100% sure).

I don't even know if she's alive anymore as she was an older woman or if she still lives in Pretoria.
We live on the South Coast of KZN and don't keep in contact with the Pretoria crowd anymore.

As for the birth certificate I will have to ask my mom.

 

[Miss Wong]

@RedViking Well, all I have is my mom. No other family are around. Most of the family are either overseas, dead or in other provinces who are not in contact with us. Its juts mom and me on the KZN South Coast here. My adoptive dad is in Boksburg somewhere and I last saw him like 10 years ago.

My mom is everything to me. She sacrificed a LOT in life to raise me and has devoted her life to me. So no, I do not feel rejected by her at all. My adoptive father on the other hand...

But I just feel sore about being thrown away. I can sort of understand that my birth mother's husband forced her to get rid of me but on the other hand I am angry that she didn't fight for me. And also angry that my birth father didn't search for me, though I'm guessing he was probably married too.

I just want to know for many reasons. Maybe I'll have peace of mind after that.

 

[RedViking]

@RedViking Well, all I have is my mom. No other family are around. Most of the family are either overseas, dead or in other provinces who are not in contact with us. Its juts mom and me on the KZN South Coast here. My adoptive dad is in Boksburg somewhere and I last saw him like 10 years ago.

My mom is everything to me. She sacrificed a LOT in life to raise me and has devoted her life to me. So no, I do not feel rejected by her at all. My adoptive father on the other hand...

But I just feel sore about being thrown away. I can sort of understand that my birth mother's husband forced her to get rid of me but on the other hand I am angry that she didn't fight for me. And also angry that my birth father didn't search for me, though I'm guessing he was probably married too.

I just want to know for many reasons. Maybe I'll have peace of mind after that.

@Miss Wong I actually removed my post as I realised it was very insensitive, I didn't have my coffee yet, and I shouldn't have posted.

 

[Miss Wong]

@RedViking no worries.. I din't find it insensitive at all. It was a legit question as there are many adopted kids who are 100% happy with their adoptive parents and never give their birth parents a single thought.

 

[rrh]

So I was adopted a few days after being born and would like to know how to find out who my parents were.

Who should I contact? And how would I go about retrieving this info?

All I know is that I was born in Port Elizabeth on a Friday, I had 7 siblings and that my birth mother's husband was not my biological father but rather her boss was my true father.

Ultimately the adoption has to be approved by the local Children's Court, so that might be a good place to start.

Alternatively the local [PE} Child Welfare organisation would be able to direct you.

NB: You don't mention your date of adoption. When I adopted my son (in the early 80's) the process was "sealed" by the court, with no-one gaining access to the records. I mention this because, although times have changed, it might require the services of an attorney. Good luck !

 

[RedViking]

@RedViking no worries.. I din't find it insensitive at all. It was a legit question as there are many adopted kids who are 100% happy with their adoptive parents and never give their birth parents a single thought.

This is what I jumped to without out asking the context.

I have 4 or 5 friends who have been adopted into AMAZING families, yet later in their teenage years they wanted to go find the birth parents and then act as if they were rejected. This is heart breaking to watch.

BUT

I guess it is in all of us. Even those who grew up in amazing homes (many don't, sadly) being accepted as one of their own, we still have that something that makes us feel like we don't belong.

This I can imagine is much worse if you got adopted into another dysfunctional family.


I don't know what it feels like as I did have my mom and dad even though home circumstances were tough and my dad was absent for many years (he was there but he wasn't there if that makes any sense).

But I still choose to not accept my home circumstances and my childhood experiences as who I am.

Yes my childhood was part of making who I am today, but the real fathers in my life (yes I loved my dad very much and he will always be my Master Viking R.I.P. ) are those who helped shaped me and correct me and build my character to who I am today.

 

[skimread]

@skimread I think my mom got me through an old family friend who worked for an agency (I'm not 100% sure).

I don't even know if she's alive anymore as she was an older woman or if she still lives in Pretoria.
We live on the South Coast of KZN and don't keep in contact with the Pretoria crowd anymore.

As for the birth certificate I will have to ask my mom.

Once you get the agency name you can contact them if they still exist.

If they don't exist you can try the Registrar of Adoptions

Adoptee Search – Adoption

.

I am not sure if you can get your birth certificate without knowing your birth mother's name. Home Affairs are useless but you might try them.

 

[Miss Wong]

@rrh This was the late 80s. If I can find no info from my mom I might look into this website I found. https://www.ancestors.co.za/adoption-records-in-south-africa/ - A lady named Lorna Swart helps people search for their birth parents.

 

[rrh]

@skimread I think my mom got me through an old family friend who worked for an agency (I'm not 100% sure).

I don't even know if she's alive anymore as she was an older woman or if she still lives in Pretoria.
We live on the South Coast of KZN and don't keep in contact with the Pretoria crowd anymore.

As for the birth certificate I will have to ask my mom.

The birth certificate is amended to reflect the adopting parents' names, so is unfortunately of little use.

 

[Miss Wong]

@RedViking it sounds like you were adopted too? Or am I misreading?

But yes, most of my morals and personality comes from my grandparents who practically raised me while my mom worked. I never felt fatherless as a child because to me my 'Oupa' was my father. He took me with him almost everywhere he went, read with me, played with me, went to my school to 'sort out' the bullies, went to support me on sport days. So I did have a happy childhood, but as you say as I got older the thoughts and questions started to take root in my mind.

 

[RedViking]

Once you get the agency name you can contact them if they still exist.

If they don't exist you can try the Registrar of Adoptions

Adoptee Search – Adoption

.

I am not sure if you can get your birth certificate without knowing your birth mother's name. Home Affairs are useless but you might try them.

I might be wrong, but the way I understand it;
I don't think they keep that information. The parent(s) actually sign a form that they will never be contacted or made known, no records are kept or handed out.

 

[RedViking]

@RedViking it sounds like you were adopted too? Or am I misreading?

But yes, most of my morals and personality comes from my grandparents who practically raised me while my mom worked. I never felt fatherless as a child because to me my 'Oupa' was my father. He took me with him almost everywhere he went, read with me, played with me, went to my school to 'sort out' the bullies, went to support me on sport days. So I did have a happy childhood, but as you say as I got older the thoughts and questions started to take root in my mind.

No sorry I wasn't adopted. I just left home at a young age and during school years stayed with various families due to home circumstances, school being far and can't always go home. My parents always loved me and tried their best to care for me (although they didn't have money) and was just a phone call away.

 

[rrh]

I just want to know for many reasons. Maybe I'll have peace of mind after that.

This is normal behaviour and there is no need to feel bad.

 

[Nerfherder]

So I was adopted a few days after being born and would like to know how to find out who my parents were.

Who should I contact? And how would I go about retrieving this info?

All I know is that I was born in Port Elizabeth on a Friday, I had 7 siblings and that my birth mother's husband was not my biological father but rather her boss was my true father.

One of the best ways is to go do genetic testing they will be able to track any blood relatives who have also done the test.
It never lies and even if a distant cousin has done the testing you can use information on facebook to figure out who your parents are.

The old way was to contact your adoption agency and ask them for as much info as possible. This info is often false and outdated.

I suggest getting some counselling though. Would be good to have someone guide you through the process.

 

[Nerfherder]

Try 23andMe and Ancestry.com

I'm not sure if there is a local version.