An unattached sexual lifestyle as a choice:-

[Waaib]

Lots of sex threads at the moment so I thought I'd throw this in.

Do you think there is value in choosing to have several sexual partners as opposed to settling down with one for life? I'm wondering if there are people out there who consciously choose to live a life where they have several partners who drift in out of their lives over time. Some serious some less serious but never just one forever. Would living like this on purpose solve issues of infidelity and affairs and the like?

I don't mean living a promiscuous life or having several casual relationships at the same time. I'm also not talking about regular visits to sex workers or about risking ones life with diseases etc. but I think all the aforementioned are relevant.

I know there was a time when I consciously avoided serious relationships but had no problem dating people. As such I was open to meeting new people and was fairly happy go lucky about the whole dating game and as far as I know no-one got hurt. As soon as I met my wife all that stopped but I did, at a point, have to make a conscious decision to date her exclusively.

 

[Ou grote]

How do you feel about your wife having multiple sex partners?

 

[Waaib]

How do you feel about your wife having multiple sex partners?

oh ****. Is that video still doing the rounds?

 

[Jewelbox]

Video

oh ****. Is that video still doing the rounds?

Maybe it's your double on the video?

 

[Keeper]

i know *exactly* what you are talking about Waaib, and is a great concern for me personally.

the more time moves on I feel I am obligated to choose the straight and narrow as opposed to the slippery slide.

It sucks man.

i'm at "the crossroads" currently, for the last year or so - and still haven't decided yet....

the term onegina still brings shivers to my spine.

 

[Ou grote]

oh ****. Is that video still doing the rounds?

Joost?
Is that you Joost?

 

[Waaib]

the more time moves on I feel I am obligated to choose the straight and narrow as opposed to the slippery slide.

I guess what I'm thinking is 'is it really a slippery slope' or can it just be an alternate but normal lifestyle. Like people who chose to be religious are considered, more or less, normal.

 

[koeks]

Lots of sex threads at the moment so I thought I'd throw this in.

Do you think there is value in choosing to have several sexual partners as opposed to settling down with one for life? I'm wondering if there are people out there who consciously choose to live a life where they have several partners who drift in out of their lives over time. Some serious some less serious but never just one forever. Would living like this on purpose solve issues of infidelity and affairs and the like?

I don't mean living a promiscuous life or having several casual relationships at the same time. I'm also not talking about regular visits to sex workers or about risking ones life with diseases etc. but I think all the aforementioned are relevant.

I know there was a time when I consciously avoided serious relationships but had no problem dating people. As such I was open to meeting new people and was fairly happy go lucky about the whole dating game and as far as I know no-one got hurt. As soon as I met my wife all that stopped but I did, at a point, have to make a conscious decision to date her exclusively.

could it be a case of being scared of commitment....

 

[w1z4rd]

Get a bisexual gf They rock. ... So I hear...

 

[Waaib]

How do you feel about your wife having multiple sex partners?

could it be a case of being scared of commitment....

You're interpreting my post incorrectly. I'm getting more and more convinced that I type really badly. No-one ever seems to get what I mean. I'm talking about it as a concept not as a desire for my own life. As mentioned I'm married and have chosen that route. I'm posing the issue as something that could or couldn't work.

My immediate response when it was posed to me was:
1) Relationships are not only about sex.
2) What about when you're old and lonely.
At the time I was given the same answer to both: That's why people have best friends. The kind of best friends you don't have sex with.

 

[icyrus]

A purely monogamous lifestyle isn't for everyone. If people can find what they need in relationships outside of traditional bounds then they should go for it.

 

[CathJ]

You're interpreting my post incorrectly. I'm getting more and more convinced that I type really badly. No-one ever seems to get what I mean. I'm talking about it as a concept not as a desire for my own life. As mentioned I'm married and have chosen that route. I'm posing the issue as something that could or couldn't work.

My immediate response when it was posed to me was:
1) Relationships are not only about sex.
2) What about when you're old and lonely.
At the time I was given the same answer to both: That's why people have best friends. The kind of best friends you don't have sex with.

I would agree with your response. I suspect that human nature kicks in after a while, and you do start having possessive thoughts about someone, and don't want them drifting in and out of someone else's life; or you fall in love and want to spend a lot of time with them. And while best friends are good, they don't replace a lifetime partner, because they have a life of their own, separate to yours, whereas with a partner you share a life. (And they're not there to make you toast in the middle of the night when you're feeling sick!)

I think it's partly human nature to find one person and stick with them, but it's also cultural pressure, both the obvious stuff and the fact that this is the way you're raised to think of a "normal life" as being (which is constantly reinforced by books, tv, movies, even music).

 

[Kilgore_Trout_Redux]

I get what you mean and if you can find like minded members of the opposite (or same. Who is judging?) sex and are not too worried about kids and long term companionship I think it is a perfect lifestyle. There are confirmed bachelors out there who do it and seem pretty happy about it.

 

[DJ...]

I live like that at the moment Waaib, but it's not a long term lifestyle for me and I'm well aware of that. When I'm ready to settle down, I'll look for something a little more serious...

 

[JK8]

Thats seems to be the new lifestyle these days, to much TV influence and its open and normal now...

Its common to hear, "im gonna F around till im 27 then get married" both male and female... I think people are rebelling against the whole marriage thing, especially young independent professionals.

 

[Cara]

I would agree with your response. I suspect that human nature kicks in after a while, and you do start having possessive thoughts about someone, and don't want them drifting in and out of someone else's life; or you fall in love and want to spend a lot of time with them. And while best friends are good, they don't replace a lifetime partner, because they have a life of their own, separate to yours, whereas with a partner you share a life. (And they're not there to make you toast in the middle of the night when you're feeling sick!)

I think it's partly human nature to find one person and stick with them, but it's also cultural pressure, both the obvious stuff and the fact that this is the way you're raised to think of a "normal life" as being (which is constantly reinforced by books, tv, movies, even music).

I'm with Cath, I think at a certain stage in your life you need a stable, monogamous relationship to fill the gaps. Personally I can't see how you can reach a fulfilling level of intimacy in a relationship if it's open. I'm not sure if it's a built-in biological drive for the entire human race or simply limited to certain individuals and based on social factors, all I know is that I haven't seen any healthy polygamous relationships. I've heard of many cases where it is a mess though

 

[Kitten]

I am friends with a married couple who have several sexual partners, but at the end of the day go home to each other. Apparently their marriage wasn't doing too fantastically until they started this, and now they appreciate the little things each person does a lot more. Their multiple partners is purely sexual, and this has also apparently strengthened their own sexual experience with each other. *shrug* not for me tho.

 

[Nanfeishen]

I don't mean living a promiscuous life or having several casual relationships at the same time. I'm also not talking about regular visits to sex workers or about risking ones life with diseases etc. but I think all the aforementioned are relevant.

You mean "friends with benefits" ?

IMO, in todays age with fast paced lifestyles, finacial pressures, cost of trying to buy a house, and doing all the "normal" settled lifestyle things, marriage, children etc, that more and more young professionals prefer the idea, no commitment, yet regular companionship without the complications of permanence.
I think if one is mature about it , open minded enough to accept it , is not a "player", then it can work very well, with like minded people.
However, there generally comes a point where one either must move on, or succumb to the pressure that may be placed upon one from another for something a little more stable or permanent.

 

[Paul_S]

... more and more young professionals prefer the idea, no commitment, yet regular companionship without the complications of permanence.

I cannot imagine being in a relationship with little to no commitment.
A lifetime commitment is what makes a marriage relationship all the more valuable and fulfilling. Knowing that my partner cares about me enough to want to settle down and make a promise to spend the rest of her life with me far outweighs the disadvantages and complexities that will be encountered in the relationship.

Maybe some people don't want that sort of depth in a relationship but down the line when they're still single and old and possibly alone they're probably going to look back with regrets. It's not just about security - it's about pledging to share everything you have with someone else for the rest of your life and creating something that is totally exclusive.

I've often heard the "why are men scared to make a commitment" question from woman and my answer is that most men don't have the backbone and guts to take responsibility for making a lifetime commitment.
Basically they want the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities. They want to be free to live however they like without having to worry what the other person thinks.
In a nutshell they care more about themselves and their own needs than the needs of their partner. That's not true love imo.

 

[Slootvreter]

Multiple sexual partners and no commitment is the way to go for me, because I don't trust women. Just don't keep a 'booty-call' relationship going too long else you'll start to develop feelings and burn your fingers.

EDIT: Safe sex though!