Angry! Oh so angry!

GforceD

Executive Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2010
Messages
7,315
I awoke angry this morning. I dreamt of love and lust and yet I awake angry. I dreamt of everything I wanted everything I needed, but I am only reminded that I can not have it. And so I woke angry. I dream of her often, and the dreams were sweet, something to be savoured and clung to as long as possible until the dream, as dreams are wont to do, slip though the tightest grasp and dissolve into an intangible mist.

They were always sweet, always full of promise. I knew with a certainty that all they promised could be, I would have to destroy my world and rebuild it, but it could be done. Yes, It could be done. And yet I wake angry and annoyed.

It's been a year now, a year since she died. My first dream of her after she died, was her as she was, dead and cold. The dream was sad but it was true. It didn't promise me anything, just what was. A few months later I dreamt of her again, alive and beautiful. It was a sweet dream, a remembrance of who she was. But last night, last night the dream offered me promises that will never be, and so I awake, angry. Angry at myself. Angry at her for taking what I loved.

And so I vent my anger out upon the world so others may see and strangers may tut-tut, but at least it means I am not going to punch that idiot in my office who unlike everyone else can clearly see that it would be best to avoid me today.
 

Sinbad

Honorary Master
Joined
Jun 5, 2006
Messages
66,643
Shoulda rubbed one out while the imagery was fresh in your mind
 

GforceD

Executive Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2010
Messages
7,315
hay @Ho3n3r you didn't have to delete your post, I wasn't offended.

Anyway I am probably just being overly melodramatic.
 

Ho3n3r

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Messages
17,067
hay @Ho3n3r you didn't have to delete your post, I wasn't offended.

Anyway I probably just being overly melodramatic.
It was a stupid post - just read the first part and replied. :(

When I read the rest and saw what it's really about, I thought something like this would kill me, so I removed it out of empathy. :/ Wasn't meant as an insult though, but as a joke.
 

Sinbad

Honorary Master
Joined
Jun 5, 2006
Messages
66,643
It was a stupid post - just read the first part and replied. :(

When I read the rest and saw what it's really about, I thought something like this would kill me, so I removed it out of empathy. :/ Wasn't meant as an insult though, but as a joke.
I did the same, now I feel bad.

Sorry for your loss Gforce :(
 

Honey Badger

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 30, 2010
Messages
20,167
Sorry for your loss, bud.

What's the backstory here; what happened, if you don't mind me asking?
 

Ho3n3r

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Messages
17,067
Sorry for your loss, bud.

What's the backstory here; what happened, if you don't mind me asking?
I'm intrigued as well. Of course, if the OP doesn't want to tell, I can totally understand.
 
Joined
May 9, 2012
Messages
7,832
If your grief is being channeled into anger you really should look into getting some help, it's decidedly unhealthy.
 

GforceD

Executive Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2010
Messages
7,315
Sorry for your loss, bud.

What's the backstory here; what happened, if you don't mind me asking?

Ok. Sure here it is...

I often thought of her as my Kryptonite. My weakness, but in truth I was the weak one. I could never say no to her. I knew her for as long as I can remember. Our older sisters were friends and I a few years older than she was, I remember chasing her round the her house when I was 5, but we only really met much later when she ended up in class with my younger brother. She was 14 and I 16, I still remember the excited tremor in her lips the first time we kissed.
 
Last edited:

Grant

Honorary Master
Joined
Mar 27, 2007
Messages
46,434
i know this dream very well.
the frustration when waking up and realising you are back in reality, cannot be explained
 

konfab

Honorary Master
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
21,197
It's been a year now, a year since she died. My first dream of her after she died, was her as she was, dead and cold. The dream was sad but it was true. It didn't promise me anything, just what was. A few months later I dreamt of her again, alive and beautiful. It was a sweet dream, a remembrance of who she was. But last night, last night the dream offered me promises that will never be, and so I awake, angry. Angry at myself. Angry at her for taking what I loved.
Would she want you to be angry at yourself?
 

GforceD

Executive Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2010
Messages
7,315
Would she want you to be angry at yourself?
The anger fades much as the dream will, they always do. I don't blame myself. Things are what they are, but having your own body betray you, showing you what could of been, but now can never be, its just not right.
 
Top