Anyone have some form of social phobia?

[Zewp]

I've always been a little shy and reserved, but it's becoming a bit of a problem for me lately and I've started suspecting it might be a bit deeper psychological problem. This might sound a bit strange, but for the past few months I've started keeping logs of it in my daily planner. Whenever I feel intensely uncomfortable in a social situation, or I purposely do something to avoid social situations, I've written it down. It actually happens a lot more often that I'd initially believed. I didn't count every week's incidents and work out an exact figure, but on average it happens around 10 - 15 times a week.

Mostly I'm fine around people I'm very familiar with and in group settings, but individual one-on-one socialization with strangers or even people I don't know all that well simply kills me. It's like I never know what to say and I'm so scared of leaving a negative impression that I'd rather say as little as possible. I also have a tendency to lie in order to avoid social encounters with strangers. There's a guy I met in my first year of university who recently re-established contact with me. We were never really friends, but we ran many of our classes together and got along well. Earlier today he asked if I wanted to meet up and catch up and I lied and said I was busy because simply the thought of it makes me anxious. Worst part is I actually do want to meet up with him again.

I'll probably go seeking professional help some time when I've got the chance. I think I might have a form of Avoidant Personality Disorder, but eh. Not really going to start trying to diagnose myself here. Anyway, was just wondering if anyone else has/had social phobias and how you deal/dealt with it?

 

[bromster]

Sounds like me. I have no problems talking to people if we can talk about something interesting. I am very outspoken on lots of interesting things. Put me in a group of friends, strangers, in front of 1000 people. I don't care. But, I tend to avoid one on one conversations with people that I would consider acquaintances until I get to know them better.

Simply put, those conversations always end up with "So what do you do?", "Craazy weather we're having.", "It's almost FRIDAY already ". I have no time for small talk, my life is more valuable than repeating the same crud over and over again. If I had my way, I would meet people in a group setting to get a feel for the type of things they like. Then I am very happy to start a meaningful conversation. This doesn't mean that I am fearful of one-on-one conversations, it's just not my preference.

There is a little sociopath in all of us. There is nothing wrong with you. You certainly don't need professional help. You just need to laugh at awkward silences. It happens to everyone. Who cares if you leave a bad impression? If we can't find stuff to discuss, then maybe we should be making small talk with other people. No harm done. A valuable social skill I have learned is to always try to be positive in everything I do, but don't give a schit if it isn't received by other people. Why would you choose not to smile and say hello for fear of what might happen if you did?

Just do it once. Phone your friend. Say you're available for lunch at 1. Once you commit yourself to it, the hard part is over. 9 times out of 10, you will have a good time. If you don't, so what? At least you took the opportunity.

I hope that sorta made sense at this hour EDIT: Oh, and MyBB is probably making this problem worse. You type anonymously with like-minded people, creating a false sense of comfort. Then, when you have to do it in the real world, the social discomfort is so drastically different that you convince yourself it isn't worth the effort. Double-edged swords, these forums...

 

[Icarium]

Sounds like you're just introverted... I used to be the same (still am a lot of the time) but at some point I decided to actually think about why I was saying no, and if it wasn't logical then rethink my answer.

 

[zolly]

A formerly shy (and still highly introverted) person here. My advice is to do things that make you feel uncomfortable until you don't feel uncomfortable doing them.

I used to be barely able to talk to cashiers when I was a teenager, but now I engage people I don't know on a pretty regular basis. You're not always going to hit it off straight away. Sometimes you just have to soldier through the awkwardness. And don't expect everyone to get along with everyone. Sometimes you meet people who are nice enough, but have absolutely no connection with.

 

[Nanfeishen]

It's like I never know what to say and I'm so scared of leaving a negative impression that I'd rather say as little as possible.

Step 1 : Reality - Strangers dont care about you, stop worrying about their opinions or what they may think of you.

I'll probably go seeking professional help some time when I've got the chance.

Step 2 : Dont waste your money there is nothing wrong with you , being socially comfortable or "fitting in" is not important.

Step 3 : Be yourself, if others like you, great, if they dont , so what.

I spent many years of my life trying to "fit in" with this bunch or that group just to be sociable or friendly, I had a full social life almost every day and weekend something on with some person or group.
Then one day i decided to do an experiment.
I went on an overseas holiday and while there decided i wasnt going to phone or contact anybody when i got back, just to see who out of all those people took the time to phone or contact me when i returned.
A handfull took the time to phone, over ten years later and we are still friends, the rest of them , who knows.

We often expend too much time and effort worrying about fitting in with people that in the long run simply arent worth it.

 

[AstroTurf]

I get along with people that have the same interests as me just fine.

Also pretty good at bull****ting my way through sport discussions.

 

[RexxGrim]

“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
― Ernest Hemingway

 

[Nick333]

I was extremely shy when I was younger but decades of having to deal with people for work/business forced me to overcome social anxiety.
I used to agonise about what to say in interactions and social settings. I was terrified of saying something stupid.
When you think about it most of what people say is just noise to fill the silence. If I have something to say I say it, if not I keep quiet. I'm comfortable with silence. I'm still a bit reserved in some situations but, I don't find most people all that interesting so it evens out.

I'm basically a socialised introvert.

I guess the lesson here is that if you want to be more socialable you've got to force yourself out of your comfort zone a bit and take some risks. Like any phobia really.

 

[Fuma]

My advice is to do things that make you feel uncomfortable until you don't feel uncomfortable doing them.

I guess the lesson here is that if you want to be more socialable you've got to force yourself out of your comfort zone a bit and take some risks. Like any phobia really.

This ^^

 

[bromster]

 

[TheGuy]

Step 2 : Dont waste your money there is nothing wrong with you , being socially comfortable or "fitting in" is not important.

Dude this is a restarted thing to say being socially comfortable is very important. Most things in life worth doing, you are going to need other people so being comfortable around them is very important.

@OP you probably have some insecurities. My dad was very tough on me growing up so it made me insecure so I learned from a young age to cope with social situations by drinking.

I then went to a professional and spent time working on it and talking it out. Now years later its still a little tough sometimes but I don't have to drink anymore and I don't avoid social situations at all.