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copacetic
King of the Hippies
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Not much of a case, just unfounded statements.
Mildly insulting statements, frankly.
I feel it's a little arrogant to baldly proclaim that someone like myself is unable to engage in a healthy sexual relationship, due to such an arbitrary facet (marriage).
Lycanthrope
Honorary Master
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Oh, don't worry. Arthur is the kind of gentleman (and I use the word quite wrongly) who disparages any relationship and marriage that doesn't conform to his personal sense of "morality."
Also, boldly
Lycanthrope
Honorary Master
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Nope, meant baldly.
He didn't exactly make a case, and I was being a little sarcastic.
You've taught me something new
thats quite a ridiculous statement
As for me, i was ready to have sex early on. I only achieved my goal quite a bit later than when i was physically ready.
At the time, it was such a surreal experience, i didnt really enjoy it. I didnt dislike it either though.
In terms of responsibly having sex, it was only until much later (im ashamed to say), around 23 -24 where I was more responsible.
By responsible I mean a few things, practicing proper safe sex and realizing that having sex can cause other spin off emotional and psychological issues for certain people who attach a whole lot more to it than i was doing at the time.
Lycanthrope
Honorary Master
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Could it be that what you're saying is that psychological and emotional issues (read: scarring) might actually be caused by religious and societal nonsense being drilled into the minds of young, stupid and gullible people? Something that conditions them to believe that sex is the be-all and end-all of a relationship instead of the other slightly more important things like love, honesty and commitment?
Say it ain't so!
Not at all, I just saying that some of the females I have been with have attached more to the sex we were having at the time than I did. And from my side, I didn't see or care about what they felt/were going through. In fact, the thought that sex was anything but a lustful fulfillment never crossed my mind, and I think I hurt people because of my attitude.
Lycanthrope
Honorary Master
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Understandable. Sex is an important part in a relationship but sex is also just that... sex. I get a little tired of the nonsense and, especially, the stigma attach to it.
I like to think humanity is a bit more cerebral than that but, alas, sex is, to many people, the be-all and end-all of existence and everything in life is centred around it. If two people love each other but they have matching genitals, then alas, they can't possibly love each other or have the same rights as other people.
If you lose your virginity before you're married, apparently you're unclean and unworthy and, apparently "scarred."
Yet, the funny thing is, the only scarring I see on people like that are by people like Arthur who degrade them, especially those in positions where their toxic opinions pollute the minds of the vulnerable (schools, churches, etc).
But, that's okay, because as I said in an earlier post, people like that are generally the ones with "scarring" and who are completely out of touch.
Sex is normal, fooling around as a teenager and figuring yourself out is normal and healthy. What isn't normal or healthy is becoming some kind of insecure or puritanical fruit-loop who can't function normally with others or form normal relationships with others based on whether or not they've had sex before. Madness.
I have my own agenda against people like Arthur who preach their own twisted sense of "morality." I was just using your post as a gateway for expressing that agenda.
Oh, and heartbreak and failed relationships are normal. It's all part of growing up and maturing. You need that experience to figure out what you want in life and what kind of person you want to spend your life with. You don't just jump into a relationship blindly and expect it to work. I think that's a small part of the reason most western cultures frown on arranged marriage.
I was emotionally ready at about 17-18, when I lost my virginity. Physically, I was ready at about 13.
If you mean extra-marital affairs, then yes. But sex before marriage, no, I disagree strongly. I suspect you are religious? I do not see how sex before marriage can be damaging. Even in the case of casual sex, if all parties are of age, are mature enough, are consenting and use protection, then how, logically, can it be damaging? The only possible damage I can see is heartbreak, because intimate contact sometimes does lead to emotional attachment, but that happens often in marriage too - people do get divorced. Heartbreak is part of life, it makes you stronger in the end.
If you mean extra-marital affairs, then yes. But sex before marriage, no, I disagree strongly. I suspect you are religious? I do not see how sex before marriage can be damaging. Even in the case of casual sex, if all parties are of age, are mature enough, are consenting and use protection, then how, logically, can it be damaging? The only possible damage I can see is heartbreak, because intimate contact sometimes does lead to emotional attachment, but that happens often in marriage too - people do get divorced. Heartbreak is part of life, it makes you stronger in the end.
Nick333
Honorary Master
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Agreed. I'm pretty sure people like that retroactively fit their philosophy to their life "choices".
When I was probably 12 or so cant remember exactly my age this girl and I were alone in a caravan and we did sexual stuff together, touching each others private parts but never got further than that, since someone knocked on the door
Wow, reading that just awoke a long forgotten memory. Similar story, but at age 6 or 7. Didn't do anything because we physically couldn't yet. I think this is entirely natural, healthy and normal. Kids at this age are very curious about sex and will explore. I do, however, think it is very important for parents to have "the discussion" at the age when they start showing a curiosity. Moreover, I think it very important that sex is discussed openly, with no "shaming" taking place. Treating sex as shameful, sinful and dirty can be harmful to healthy development and could lead to deviant sexual behavior in extreme cases.
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Bona Botse
A little insight goes a long way
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I thought I was ready at 16 but nerves got the better of me after trying literally all night (what if she gets prego? What if I get "the Aids"? What if my mother comes storming in right now? What if HER mother comes storming in right now?!).
Another opportunity didn't present itself until I was 18 and in varsity, where "he shoots, he scores!".
Another opportunity didn't present itself until I was 18 and in varsity, where "he shoots, he scores!".
Have you tried using some lube?
