Bad sex ruins a long relationship?

[Dolby]

I think if the male doesn't orgasm ... it's not her fault?

That's probably either a physical or mental issue with the male

* followed the more elegant wording set above

 

[Pho3nix]

I think if the male doesn't cum ... it's not her fault?

That's probably either a physical or mental issue with the male

But if she doesn't cum it's the guys fault?

Could you explain? I'm really interested

 

[MickeyD]

But if she doesn't cum it's the guys fault?

Could you explain? I'm really interested

More foreplay...

 

[Pho3nix]

More foreplay...

But if I don't orgasm something is wrong with me :erm:

 

[MickeyD]

But if I don't orgasm something is wrong with me :erm:

Try different positions until you find one that suits you both.

 

[Dolby]

But if she doesn't cum it's the guys fault?

Could you explain? I'm really interested

That's the way I see it - but I'm no sexpert

If he doesn't it's his fault.
If she doesn't, it's also his fault

Mostly his fault, anyway

 

[Jings]

What Okie said. There is no such thing as bad sex if you communicate and listen to each others needs. If one partner is not in the mood there are other activities besides sexual intercourse. It's all about giving and sharing.

 

[senyetse]

So my question is have you broken up with a previous lover because the sex was bad(only thing wrong with the relationship)

Yes, although the sex was not bad, her personality just killed my lust for her.

and on the flip side..Have you stayed in a relationship just because you were having the most mind-blowing sex imaginable.

No.

I'm quite lucky that my wife and I do have an amazing emotional and sex life (after 20 years). The trick is to work at it, make an effort, make your partner feel special and that works both ways. Always communicate, talk about what you like, what you don't like. We have regular sex dates and we stick to them. Candles, dinner, wine, chocolates, romantic music, sexy underwear, whips,chains (er TMI? :twisted. No, I'm joking about the whips and chains, but we do try to keep things interesting, a bit of role play here, sex toys there, couples friendly adult movies there... Let me tell you, for me there is no aphrodisiac like the anticipation of an upcoming sex date night! Sex board games are also an excellent way of keeping things interesting, we have one that we really enjoy although we hardly ever finish the game!

Anyway, my point is it is hard work, but the pay offs are incredible.

 

[Pho3nix]

That's the way I see it - but I'm no sexpert

If he doesn't it's his fault.
If she doesn't, it's also his fault

Mostly his fault, anyway

LOL this is almost the same exact conversation I had with a friend this weekend

 

[syntax]

I'm in a marriage where the sex is k@k. Not the quality but the quantity. However, I love my wife dearly and would not trade her in for any other brand or model. She is my other half, I look at her and I see my conscience sometimes

if there is a quantity issue, then thats something i think that is relatively easy to fix. The more sex you have, the more you want to have. Take her to sexpo this year and see if there is anything which she finds "exciting". Send her texts telling her certain things, slap her ass as you walk past and tell her how good that felt etc etc.

Dont expect anything in return, otherwise you might get disappointed early on and give up. But carry on, and she is bound to start thinking about sex more often, which means you will get more often.

I suppose its easy to get in a rut where you just dont make time for sex, I've definitely been there. You just need to find a way to dig yourselves out of it

 

[senyetse]

if there is a quantity issue, then thats something i think that is relatively easy to fix. The more sex you have, the more you want to have. Take her to sexpo this year and see if there is anything which she finds "exciting". Send her texts telling her certain things, slap her ass as you walk past and tell her how good that felt etc etc.

Dont expect anything in return, otherwise you might get disappointed early on and give up. But carry on, and she is bound to start thinking about sex more often, which means you will get more often.

I suppose its easy to get in a rut where you just dont make time for sex, I've definitely been there. You just need to find a way to dig yourselves out of it

Agreed, that flame needs to be nurtured and it takes effort . It is difficult when there are kids, chores, debts etc. But it is essential to make time for not only sex, but time to reconnect, be romantic, naughty, sex usually follows...

 

[Sensorei]

Depressing thread. Married with a 1 year old baby. I'd take bad sex rather than no sex right now.

 

[ponder]

Depressing thread. Married with a 1 year old baby. I'd take bad sex rather than no sex right now.

That pretty common, right now you're just a wallet Should get better after year 2.

 

[visrot]

He had the fleshlight thread...

@Visrot didn't you mention that some supplements helped your wife's libido increase to some extent?

yes, that Vital supplement. But it's not nearly enough. Make no mistake, I'm very happy when I do score with the SO it's brilliant. Like Christmas every time.

 

[SoulTax]

Depressing thread. Married with a 1 year old baby. I'd take bad sex rather than no sex right now.

My baby is 5.5 months now. I went about 5 months without any. Before that it was about 7 months of pregnancy related lack of. Although we did it a few times during the pregnancy which helped my sanity.

I think it is all about the communication though. I think too often, a husband brings up sex and a wife thinks that all he wants is sex. When the truth is often that he needs the connection.
When a new baby pops into your life, you are trying to focus everything onto the baby. If you are a "Good husband" as the women's magazines describe him. You will not put any pressure on her to resume your sexual relationship. The problem with that is that it is bull****. It often leads to your situation, where not having sex becomes comfortable for the woman. And even a scary prospect, because they are wondering whether it might be awkward and that will hurt them more.

Sure guys need to be caring and understanding, especially in the first few months. But if you are doing that, and doing your fair share of looking after the baby and showing her affection; Then honestly, putting gentle pressure on her is reasonable after 3 months.

At this point there should be no physiological reason to not resume intimate relations. She may be mistakenly waiting to feel 100% normal again, but honestly, she never will. The best way to accept that in a loving relationship is to make love to her partner and realise that it can still feel good.

I obviously do not know your specific situation and babies can sometimes be absolute nightmares 100% of the time. But I feel like you have let the "Good Husband" go too far and for too long.

 

[Hosehead]

They're called married women…

X1000000

 

[ChilliGirl]

/reads

Shame....

 

[ShaunSA]

No such thing as bad sex

 

[senyetse]

/reads

Shame....

 

[Compton_effect]

Heh. I worked with a girl who believed in the mushroom theory.
Her logic was this. If you like someone and see possibility of a future - get him in bed fast to see if there is chemistry, else you might marry and find out he's a mushroom, then its too late. (Her words, not mine)
Then she met a nice guy, decent, friendly, funny, cute, caring, rich, from a very wealthy family. But it turns out his portobello was not even a enoki (if you catch my drift).
While she was still trying to figure out this dilemma, his parents arranged a bride for him (They were both Indian, his parents had given him a due date to marry or they would arrange one for him)
Yep. That theory got binned afterwards. Its not the sack-time that matters, its if the lack of sack time does matter.

Note: That is in a case where there is a lack of sex. Bad sex, different story, horrible, scary, different story.