Discovered husband of 12 years cheating with escorts since beginning.

HeartbrokenWife

Active Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2022
Messages
59
I recently discovered my husband has been seeing hoes ince the beginning of our marriage. It's been 12 years, I have 3 kids. I confronted him over the years when I saw the odd looking at nude women/lots of dating website spam /porn etc, but he always denied and said he was just looking.
In turn I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again because I could never find solid evidence. Until a few months ago I uped my investigation game and everything I needed to know was 100%confirmed.
There's more to it but basically I feel utterly lost and depressed and I don't know if he will return to this 'punting' life even though now he swears he will never again, I don't know how to trust him.
Anyone been through something similar or can can give me a fresh perspective?
Thanks.
 

genetic

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 26, 2008
Messages
37,086
I recently discovered my husband has been seeing hoes ince the beginning of our marriage. It's been 12 years, I have 3 kids. I confronted him over the years when I saw the odd looking at nude women/lots of dating website spam /porn etc, but he always denied and said he was just looking.
In turn I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again because I could never find solid evidence. Until a few months ago I uped my investigation game and everything I needed to know was 100%confirmed.
There's more to it but basically I feel utterly lost and depressed and I don't know if he will return to this 'punting' life even though now he swears he will never again, I don't know how to trust him.
Anyone been through something similar or can can give me a fresh perspective?
Thanks.

This is too much for a tech forum and the inevitable trash posts that come with a "Friday" thread, as many will see this as.

If this is indeed legit, you need to speak to a professional psychologist who can give you proper advice - and not consult a tech internet forum.
 

HeartbrokenWife

Active Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2022
Messages
59
This is too much for a tech forum and the inevitable trash posts that come with a "Friday" thread, as many will see this as.

If this is indeed legit, you need to speak to a professional psychologist who can give you proper advice - and not consult a tech internet forum.
Take.a carrot and shove it, I've browsed through what topics are allowed for threads and my discussion and tags are in the relevant categories.
 

ab-user

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2010
Messages
2,059
Leopards don’t change their spots, as the saying goes. Get professional help. You might have to prepare to forgive and accept, or to leave and move on.

Just one question “I have 3 kids”, are these with him? Or is that the complication?

Disclaimer: just a bored, curious, hair splitting techie. Not a lawyer
 

WAslayer

Executive Member
Joined
May 13, 2011
Messages
8,182
Take.a carrot and shove it, I've browsed through what topics are allowed for threads and my discussion and tags are in the relevant categories.
Slow your roll, he is not saying that you are not allowed to post here, by all means you are and there is nothing wrong with your post or where it is etc etc..

The problem lies with some members who are going to trash talk on this thread instead of offering real advice or insights.. this is what he is getting at..

All I can say is in regards to your situation, he is unlikely to change.. he might have some sexual fantasy/fetish he can pay for and get from prostitutes and he might be too ashamed to talk to you about it.. but that's just guessing from my part.. if he is paying sex, he is either not being fulfilled in some way in your marriage or he might just be that way.. if he is serious about not doing it ever again, he shouldn't have any objections about going to a marriage counselor and talking about what makes him do it..

Whether that will get you to a point where he can trust him again, only you can say once you go through that process..
 

Pegasus

Honorary Master
Joined
May 17, 2004
Messages
10,046
Take.a carrot and shove it, I've browsed through what topics are allowed for threads and my discussion and tags are in the relevant categories.
Just be happy the hoes got the carrot instead of you.

And I third the shrink visit.
 
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RedViking

Nord of the South
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
48,447
You know the real answer and it is not the answer you will find here or would want to hear. As always, kids are caught up in the middle. But stop lying to yourself, he already made his bed, and he most definitely not going to change it of 12 years.
 

Polymathic

Honorary Master
Joined
Mar 22, 2010
Messages
25,656
Truthfully this is too big an issue for you get even 1% more clarity on what to do with in your circumstances.

You need 2 major questions answered before you can even think about even dealing with the issue.

#1 You need find out the "Why".

Essentially finding the underlying issue that triggers this behavior.
What is he getting out of the relationships/transactions that you as his wife cannot provide?
etc.
If he doesn't deal with the "Why" there's always a chance he'll relapse

#2 Is he really the person that you thought he was?
Is this just a compulsion or has he been lying about and concealing a major part of his personality from you.
What else has he been lying to you about?

Once you get your answer to these 2 questions then only you can evaluate that to do next with your relationship and the impact of your family.
 

FiestaST

Honorary Master
Joined
Aug 9, 2009
Messages
99,700
I got a simple rule/view. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Kick the scumbag to the curb/pavement & slowly pick up the pieces from your life.

It will take (most likely) ages but in the end you should come out stronger.

 

newklear

Expert Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2008
Messages
1,406
I recently discovered my husband has been seeing hoes ince the beginning of our marriage. It's been 12 years, I have 3 kids. I confronted him over the years when I saw the odd looking at nude women/lots of dating website spam /porn etc, but he always denied and said he was just looking.
In turn I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again because I could never find solid evidence. Until a few months ago I uped my investigation game and everything I needed to know was 100%confirmed.
There's more to it but basically I feel utterly lost and depressed and I don't know if he will return to this 'punting' life even though now he swears he will never again, I don't know how to trust him.
Anyone been through something similar or can can give me a fresh perspective?
Thanks.
You obviously love the guy and your children else you would have made a speedy gonzales move long time ago.

If trust is an issue and you still want to keep your marriage, as a fresh perspective perhaps sedate the hubby and lock him in a chastity cage and seek a marriage counsellor.

What do you want ? How badly do you want it ? How are you going to get it ?
Those are some questions you should be asking yourself and act upon them, else you are wasting both your time.

Good luck your side.
 

TEXTILE GUY

Honorary Master
Joined
Oct 4, 2012
Messages
13,896
I am not the expert on these matters but, I would ask, if he had admitted upfront that he was headed out to find a hoe, would you have accepted it?
The fact that he did so anyway, and lied about it says a lot for his personality.
What else hasn't he told you?

Do you want kids to be exposed to this?

I know what I would do in this situation ......... I would send off him the general direction of fek.
 
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