Domestic worker family issue - advice needed

C4Cat

Executive Member
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Nov 9, 2015
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Interesting, related.
https://mg.co.za/article/2018-11-23-00-customary-law-can-pose-problems-for-widows
Once a customary marriage is proved to have existed, the widow and children are legitimate heirs under the reformed customary laws of succession (the Constitutional Court decision in Bhe vs Magistrate, 2004 and the Reform of Customary Law of Succession Act, 2010).

Research conducted by the authors relating to such matters found that practices on the ground did not always comply with the Act. In cases when the new laws of succession were flouted, widows’ legitimate control of inherited property was often contested by members of the deceased husbands’ families.
Despite the new laws of succession, practices under customary law could still deny inheritance rights to some legitimate heirs, particularly widows and extramarital children. The non-registration of customary marriages and the lack of information about the new laws and procedures undermine the fair administration of an estate. Lerato’s court case has highlighted an important matter that affects many women and children in South Africa.
 

agustino

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2019
Messages
25
I need some advice regarding a problem that our domestic worker has which she spoke to me about this morning.

She was married, her husband passed away about 10 years ago. She explained to me that according to their culture, everything in the house (furniture, cutlery, crockery etc) belongs to her husband, irrespective of who bought the items. So, when her husband passed away her mother in law took everything out of their house and kept it for herself. The mother in law was allowed take everything because it was her son who passed away - another cultural rule.

Fast forward 10 years or so - Our domestic worker has been working for my BF for about 4 years now and we have given her a lot of furniture (bed, TV, fridge, book shelves, TV unit, cutlery, crockery etc) over the years. She works for another couple who have also given her plenty of items. Recently, one of the family members from her husbands side came to visit and saw she has furniture, a TV etc. Now, her family is claiming that she used money from when her husband passed away (her mother in law took all the money, there was nothing left for her) to buy all the furniture, therefore it belongs to her mother in law and they are going to come to her house on Friday to take everything. Obviously this is not true as we and the other couple have given her all the furniture she has.

Her family seem like jealous fcks who are trying to find an excuse to steal what she has.

We want to help her to ensure her stuff does not get taken. My thoughts were to complete an affidavit stating that we gave her all the items and list each item. If they try take her things, she can call the police and present them with the affidavit.

Any other constructive advice on how to help her?
What kind of culture is this

How comes people taking your properties and you remain calm
 

gamer16

Honorary Master
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Nov 3, 2013
Messages
10,037
An engagement ring and wedding ring?
No because you are paying a uninvolved party and you are paying for a ring not a person. Lobola is akin to going to a shop choosing a woman from a rack and paying the shopkeeper accordingly.
 

Splinter

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Oct 14, 2011
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No because you are paying a uninvolved party and you are paying for a ring not a person. Lobola is akin to going to a shop choosing a woman from a rack and paying the shopkeeper accordingly.
Disagree. Lobola is just a cultural thing where the parents meet to agree on something. Yes, cost is involved, but it likely takes it's roots in someone being able to support your daughter.

Consider the previous traditional Caucasian culture of having to ask the father for permission for his daughters hand in marriage. Like she was a possession of his to be given away - or not.

Then the tradition of the brides father paying for the wedding.

And actually, the white tradition is you have to pay money for a ring to, as Beyonce said so aptly, put a ring on it.
 

Swa

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Disagree. Lobola is just a cultural thing where the parents meet to agree on something. Yes, cost is involved, but it likely takes it's roots in someone being able to support your daughter.

Consider the previous traditional Caucasian culture of having to ask the father for permission for his daughters hand in marriage. Like she was a possession of his to be given away - or not.

Then the tradition of the brides father paying for the wedding.

And actually, the white tradition is you have to pay money for a ring to, as Beyonce said so aptly, put a ring on it.
I beg to differ. Arranged marriages have been a long tradition in these cultures. And it's not like it's the couple who makes the decision.

Correctly, white traditional has been about asking the father's blessing and not permission.
 

gamer16

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10,037
Disagree. Lobola is just a cultural thing where the parents meet to agree on something. Yes, cost is involved, but it likely takes it's roots in someone being able to support your daughter.

Consider the previous traditional Caucasian culture of having to ask the father for permission for his daughters hand in marriage. Like she was a possession of his to be given away - or not.

Then the tradition of the brides father paying for the wedding.

And actually, the white tradition is you have to pay money for a ring to, as Beyonce said so aptly, put a ring on it.
At the end of the day it's wrong and bad things happen as a result of it, doesn't matter how many flowers you dress it up in.
 

RedViking

Nord of the South
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Feb 23, 2012
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No because you are paying a uninvolved party and you are paying for a ring not a person. Lobola is akin to going to a shop choosing a woman from a rack and paying the shopkeeper accordingly.
You seem to know a lot about something you know nothing about.
 

RedViking

Nord of the South
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
20,815
At the end of the day it's wrong and bad things happen as a result of it, doesn't matter how many flowers you dress it up in.
Flowers are expensive these days. Hopefully not a lot of flowers.
 

Quicks

Senior Member
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May 29, 2017
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Culture only comes in effect when it benefits the receiver! The ANC is a good example, otherwise it free to anyone willing to take the opportunity.
 

Splinter

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At the end of the day it's wrong and bad things happen as a result of it, doesn't matter how many flowers you dress it up in.
And sometimes, good things.

But, the point, which you don't seem to get, is that it is wrong in all cultures. By all appearances, you were just castigating one culture.
 

Swa

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And sometimes, good things.

But, the point, which you don't seem to get, is that it is wrong in all cultures. By all appearances, you were just castigating one culture.
It would be something that's wrong in all cultures, but fact is arranged marriages are not common in all cultures.
 

gamer16

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And sometimes, good things.

But, the point, which you don't seem to get, is that it is wrong in all cultures. By all appearances, you were just castigating one culture.
But not all cultures participate in human trafficking now do they.
 
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