here's my version - its what Telkom MEANT to write:
"You may find it strange that we at Telkom are holding a gun to your head
and crippling you financially, using weapons, the potential of which we're not
entirely sure.
But we do know that a portal into the future has been opened with this
rubbish that a highly paid suspiciously-sniffing team of copywriters sucked
out of their thumbs during a hard day of presentations, pitches and
re-pitches, until we fat, grossly incompetent pigs at Telkom, scratched our
purulent asses and decided that this meaningless waffle would be good
enough for you stupid sheep of South Africa.
And this is just the beginning. We intend to rape you at every opportunity.
We will destroy your salary, your ability to send your kids to a good school,
we'll make sure that 40% or more of your monthly income is sucked up into
our overpriced inflated and imaginary prices for broadband.
Why? Because we at Telkom think you are scum. We think you are stupid,
ignorant, meaningless wasters of oxygen, and it is our God and Mammon-given
duty to sadistically torture you, punish you, drive you to bankruptcy and
hopefully suicide - just so that we can continue to post a yearly profit
reaching into the billions of rands. We have enslaved you, taken huge sums
of money from you - and when your corpse lies cold and rotting, we'll take
from your children as well. We'll keep taking, until your descendants are
dressed in rags and begging for food like the animals they are.
We at Telkom know you're an insignificant worm, to be stamped on and
crushed, burdened with fake debt, in order to satisfy our profits and line the
pockets of the morbidly obese politicians we have bribed in order to keep our
total control over you.
To us, you are meaningless human garbage. Meat sacks running forever
on a wheel of consumerism, for our pleasure and profit.
Pay us until you die. We'll laugh on your grave, assuming your cancerous and
anxiety-shredded body isn't just left on a rubbish heap somewhere, for the
birds to eat and puke up afterwards.
And don't worry, we're translating our friendly messages into at least 11 different languages, to make sure that the profit never stops, and more
and more of the citizens of this country become our slaves."
-signed 'Telkom'
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