“A woman recounting [what she claims is] her experience of domestic violence in itself is traumatic for many survivors. But that evidence being not just denied, but ridiculed, is deeply harmful and humiliating,” says Ruth Davison, chief executive of the domestic violence charity Refuge. “This is a real trial. The humorousness [around] what’s actually deeply offensive worries me.” Whatever the ultimate verdict in this case, the public response to it sheds a disturbing light on how misogyny persists even in a supposedly “woke” generation.
For many working in the field, that response illustrates some wearily familiar tropes: that if it was really so bad she should have left sooner (on average it takes seven attempts before a woman leaves an abusive partner, according to Refuge); that she’s a “crazy ex”, seeking attention or a hefty divorce settlement; that he is so likable he couldn’t possibly have done it.
Yet it’s far from unusual, Davison says, for perpetrators to seem “nice”. “These are all characteristics of abusers – that they can lovebomb you, that they’re incredibly charming.” And, while well-loved celebrities may seem more likely to enjoy the benefit of the doubt, she points out that in real life victims themselves can initially find it hard to acknowledge that the man they love is abusive, telling themselves his behaviour was simply out of character.
Perhaps the most pervasive trope, however, is that there is such a thing as a “model” victim against whom others can – and should – be judged. Heard has been criticised for crying too much, or not crying enough; one popular online theory is that her occasional glances in Depp’s direction and his reluctance to make eye contact show he’s more frightened of her than the other way round.
London’s victims commissioner,
Claire Waxman, is a regular observer of family courts. She frequently meets abuse survivors and has been the victim of stalking in the past. There is, she says firmly, no such thing as a typical way to behave on the witness stand. “Some victims are completely devoid of any emotion, and that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. They are disconnected – it’s quite a normal response to trauma. Whereas others can’t even put a sentence together because they’re crying so much, and that’s normal, too.”