Family is in major trouble and I'm grasping at straws desperately to help them

[Arkadia]

Hi everyone,

I guess this is another straw I'm grasping at here but maybe, just maybe I could get some good advice here.

My family is in major trouble all around...it starts with my alcoholic, abusive, violent father...I don't really have to give you the long story as it sounds pretty much the same as any other family living with a psychopathic man...I'll give you the short of it so you understand what kind of person he truly is.

He has always been abusive, psychotic person. Beating my mom and older brother to a palp...often belting me and my sisters or slapping or punching us...killing kittens by twisting their necks, poisoning dogs, torturing little animals, sleeping around, hiring prostitutes...leaving my mom bleeding and left for dead, throwing her out of moving vehicles...even tried to kill her with an axe...I left the house when I was in my early twenties to live with my boyfriend and my life has been beautiful ever since.

For every reason any other abused woman has, my mom somehow never tried to leave him. When anyone on the outside hears the story they are baffled as to why she stayed and is still somewhat with him to this day. She's trying to get a divorce but keeps delaying it, for fear that he will try to kill her. Word is going around that his nephews are trying to get my moms house too and they could be plotting stuff to scam my father out of the house (he has brain shrinkage now from all the years of alcohol and drug abuse - so they manipulate him easily). Aside from his nephews who are awful people...my father has attempted to hire hit men before (he confessed this to the domestic worker who is too scared to make a statement with the police).

My parents are married in community of property...and if they don't kill her, they are going to conspire to get her share. My father put up a protection order against my mom, sister and brother (sister and brother were still living with my mom because they were trying to keep her safe from his abuse)...it seems as though he paid the judge to rule in his favor as the protection orders against my siblings were passed without much of an investigation - just based on his word alone...he pretty much told the court that my siblings are always hitting him and he got them kicked out of the house with the protection order...my mom also applied for a protection order against my father but that was pretty much thrown out/ignored by the same judge who passed my fathers protection order.

So now my mom, sister and brother have moved into my boyfriends house, living day to day, afraid of being followed here by a hit man and all of us getting killed in the cross fire. My mom has a lawyer who isn't really giving her very strong advice...he even told her to go back to her house because she will hurt the divorce case if she moves out. She has been too afraid to listen to his advice so she's still living with me. There has to be options available...we don't have a lot of money right now...but I know there has to be options to help protect her from harm and protect her assets as well til the divorce is settled.

At the same time, my brother has become addicted to alcohol and he is getting in trouble left, right and center with this problem...he is also suicidal and depressed and I don't have the kind of money required for a good rehab facility.

I feel like screaming. Life is rough right now and I need help for my family. Advice would be appreciated so much!

 

[MickeyD]

POWA

 

[Frikkenator]

POWA

To elaborate: People Opposing Woman Abuse: http://www.powa.co.za/ and http://www.powa.co.za/powa/15-get-help.html

Contact them, they know the law, they are there to assist people in these situations.

By the way, your boyfriend is a keeper. Good luck!

 

[Arkadia]

To elaborate: People Opposing Woman Abuse: http://www.powa.co.za/ and http://www.powa.co.za/powa/15-get-help.html

Contact them, they know the law, they are there to assist people in these situations.

By the way, your boyfriend is a keeper. Good luck!

Thank you and Mickey D...I have emailed POWA awaiting a response...I'll probably call them if I don't get a reply soon.

This is much harder when you don't have bucket loads of funds to throw at it...I'm sure it would be an open and shut case if we could afford the best law team in the country. It doesn't take much to see that the man is addicted to alcohol and a personality test of some kind should reveal who he truly is...we have a line of family and friends willing to come testify in court to state what they've witnessed over the years...the world cannot be so unbalanced that a man like him can have the law on his side...but so far, everything has been working in his favor.

...and yes, my boyfriend is definitely a keeper! He's so supportive through it all...doing stuff he really doesn't need to do just to help me, help them. Only good thing about my life right now!

 

[R13...]

This father ought to be in jail serving many years for half of the things you say he's done to your mom.

 

[The_Mowgs]

I want to say maybe you or one of your siblings should start carrying a FA or knife with you and start legally defending yourself against any unlawfull attack against you or a family member...

But thats just me.

 

[Frikkenator]

I want to say maybe you or one of your siblings should start carrying a FA or knife with you and start legally defending yourself against any unlawfull attack against you or a family member...

But thats just me.

This can very easily end very badly, and it sounds like everyone is out of direct danger at the moment so rather just avoid confrontation at all cost.

 

[d7e7r7]

I want to say maybe you or one of your siblings should start carrying a FA or knife with you and start legally defending yourself against any unlawfull attack against you or a family member...

But thats just me.

I agree with this, but getting a license takes a minimum of about 3 months from applying to having the FA in your hand.

This can very easily end very badly, and it sounds like everyone is out of direct danger at the moment so rather just avoid confrontation at all cost.

They might be out of direct danger at the moment but it's just that, "at the moment". Plus, even if it's not danger from her relatives, we live in a dangerous society and having a FA to protect yourself is always a good idea in my opinion...

@ the OP, in the meantime, perhaps just get a can or two of pepper spray and practice using it a few times, so you know how it works...

 

[Sean008]

I don't have any advice OP, 'cept to say that that's really rough, and all strength to you and your family.

 

[Arkadia]

This father ought to be in jail serving many years for half of the things you say he's done to your mom.

Yeah. Unfortunately the many police reports over the years have disappeared and we don't have a lot of evidence other than our own statements and that of family and friends who've witnessed his behavior. A medical check up will prove his alcoholism and I'm pretty certain a few professional evaluations from a psychiatrist will certainly reveal his violent tendencies or the abuse my mom and the rest of us have suffered at his hands. He wouldn't even be able to tell the judge the dates of any of our birthdays yet he proclaims to be a loving and caring father and husband. I wish my mom was strong enough to send him to jail when the wounds were fresh.

 

[Arkadia]

I agree with this, but getting a license takes a minimum of about 3 months from applying to having the FA in your hand.



They might be out of direct danger at the moment but it's just that, "at the moment". Plus, even if it's not danger from her relatives, we live in a dangerous society and having a FA to protect yourself is always a good idea in my opinion...

@ the OP, in the meantime, perhaps just get a can or two of pepper spray and practice using it a few times, so you know how it works...

I actually haven't considered getting a firearm or even pepper spray. Just been trying to increase security around the house by adding locks and chains and lighting in the garden etc. None of which will do much to deter a determined gang of killers. I'm considering maybe writing to newspapers and public forums, revealing my identity, creating a dead man's switch...and basically just making people aware of the danger we're in and who to suspect first should anything happen to me or my family.

A firearm makes me nervous...I'll have to think about that one but pepper spray is doable.

 

[Arkadia]

I don't have any advice OP, 'cept to say that that's really rough, and all strength to you and your family.

Thanks. Can't believe this is my life. We'll get through it somehow.

 

[The_Unbeliever]

All of the best!

 

[The_Mowgs]

I actually haven't considered getting a firearm or even pepper spray. Just been trying to increase security around the house by adding locks and chains and lighting in the garden etc. None of which will do much to deter a determined gang of killers. I'm considering maybe writing to newspapers and public forums, revealing my identity, creating a dead man's switch...and basically just making people aware of the danger we're in and who to suspect first should anything happen to me or my family.

A firearm makes me nervous...I'll have to think about that one but pepper spray is doable.

Even if you are nervous about firearms (which you dont have to be) get something to protect yourself and your family with.

A court order wont stop an unlawfull attack against you, just like a no gun sticker at Cresta shopping mall did not stop armed robbers shooting inside the mall.

I am not saying to go all Hunger Games on each other but prepared for the worst and atleast have some type of plan should something happen.

 

[Frikkenator]

Even if you are nervous about firearms (which you dont have to be) get something to protect yourself and your family with.

A court order wont stop an unlawfull attack against you, just like a no gun sticker at Cresta shopping mall did not stop armed robbers shooting inside the mall.

I am not saying to go all Hunger Games on each other but prepared for the worst and atleast have some type of plan should something happen.

Do. Not. Get. A. Gun.

Unless you go through intensive training firstly in handling and firing a firearm, and secondly in how to react in different scenarios, which will take at the very least a year.

A gun immediately aggravates any situation, and if there is a moment's hesitation or wrong decision making the other guy, who has undoubtedly been in many more of these types of situations will kill you.

I agree whole heartedly with the pepper spray though, and if you want to do more go do Krav Maga. It's going to take just as long as learning how/when to use a gun properly but at least you will have the element of surprise. And hand to hand to hand combat will beat a gun in confined spaces any day unless the guy REALLY knows what he's doing in which case your stuffed anyways.

More practical for right now is pepper spray, get the kind that can spray a couple of metres and use it to GTFO of the situation.

Go to the press in any case, if they decide to publish a story all the better for you. They would love the part about dockets disappearing and judges making completely wrong verdicts. And if it's out in the public and something happens everyone will immediately know who to go after (making you a much less likely target).

 

[The_Mowgs]

Not even going to reply.

 

[Frikkenator]

Thanks. Can't believe this is my life. We'll get through it somehow.

Indeed you will!

 

[ice_cubes]

Does your employer or BF's have an Employee Assistance Program? It cover even family, as long as they live on the same premises as you.

I would suggest you use that option and get access to a whole lot of benefits (mostly free of charge)

 

[spiderkzn]

YOu should call SPCA to charge your father for animal cruelty. but unfortunate it very difficult without proof unless there is witness and media would be ok.

Arkadia I'm sorry what you have through and difficult life. Hopefully your mother and sibling will be safe and he must locked or disappear for rest of life.

 

[Arkadia]

Even if you are nervous about firearms (which you dont have to be) get something to protect yourself and your family with.

A court order wont stop an unlawfull attack against you, just like a no gun sticker at Cresta shopping mall did not stop armed robbers shooting inside the mall.

I am not saying to go all Hunger Games on each other but prepared for the worst and atleast have some type of plan should something happen.

I wish I could just get out of the country and far away from all of this. I'm not much of a fighter. I'm small framed and pretty much can't fight to save my life...dammit...that's too literal.

I will have to figure something out...like some people were saying getting a gun and training on how to use it is a lengthy process and I probably have less time than I imagine - even self defense training...there's probably too little time left for me to even learn enough for it to be effective.

I'm getting the neighborhood watch to keep a closer eye on the house. I have the police on speed dial. Knives in various rooms. An escape route should anyone break in (if we catch it on time)...two dogs and I'm having motion sensor lights installed as soon as I can.