A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears the priest come in and says: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession. I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!"
A lady was pregnant with triplets when she was caught up in a bank robbery. The robber shot her three times and each fetus received a bullet wound. While in her womb they healed up and two girls and one boy were born 7 months later without any complications.
A few year later, as a young teen, the one girl wanted a private talk with Mommy. She said; "The strangest thing happened. I had a wee and a bullet came out." The mother told her the story about being wounded when she was pregnant and told the daughter not to worry.
A few days after that, the second daughter also told her mom the same story and once again the mom expalined what had happened.
The next week the boy wanted to talk and the mother said; "Did you also pee out a bullet?". He said; "No, I was playing with my self and shot the dog".