Funniest jokes you know

Stokstert

Executive Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
5,952
Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future.

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.







Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 

Azg

Expert Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2013
Messages
2,815
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears the priest come in and says: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession. I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!"
 

Moereloos

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2018
Messages
446
These might be better suited in Rouxenator's joke thread....

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Did you know Norwegian War Ships all have barcodes on the side? It’s so they can Scan de Navy in.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where’s my tractor?

Did you know the Canary Islands have no canaries. Same with the virgin islands, no canaries.

What do a mole and a bald eagle have in common? They both live underground. Except for the eagle.

A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says: “How the **** did you do that?”

How do you get 20 Canadians out of a swimming pool? Say, “Please get out of the swimming pool.”

Did you know the blue whale is so large that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court, the game would have to be cancelled?

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? “We are both lawyers.”

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
 

lived666

Executive Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2007
Messages
9,210
Why didn't the skeleton go to the club?

He had noBody to go with........................ :ROFL: :laugh::p
 

Moereloos

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2018
Messages
446
A lady was pregnant with triplets when she was caught up in a bank robbery. The robber shot her three times and each fetus received a bullet wound. While in her womb they healed up and two girls and one boy were born 7 months later without any complications.

A few year later, as a young teen, the one girl wanted a private talk with Mommy. She said; "The strangest thing happened. I had a wee and a bullet came out." The mother told her the story about being wounded when she was pregnant and told the daughter not to worry.

A few days after that, the second daughter also told her mom the same story and once again the mom expalined what had happened.

The next week the boy wanted to talk and the mother said; "Did you also pee out a bullet?". He said; "No, I was playing with my self and shot the dog".
 

JamesBoy

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2017
Messages
183
What's the first thing you throw to a drowning guitarist?
His amplifier.

How many alzheimer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.

I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares
It's nice to have some company

A man is queuing at the 10 items or less till. A girl in front of him turns around and looks at his basket.
He has a 6 pack of eggs and an Indian meal for 1. Shes smiles at him.

He looks in her basket and sees a small bottle of wine and a Chinese meal for 1.
He asks her "You're single aren't you?" She gives a girly giggle and says "yes, how did you know?"

The man replies "because you're an ugly kunt."
 

bdt

Executive Member
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Jun 7, 2004
Messages
6,890
One day mother hen laid an orange. When they saw it all the other chickens said, "Look what marmalade!"
 

cerebus

Honorary Master
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
38,921
What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up at night wondering if there’s a dog
 
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