Gifts from past relationships

[bsntombela]

Hi,

My girlfriend's once lost an ex-boyfriend of hers in a car accident about 2 years ago. She has dated other guys between then and now but has never kept any of their gifts. However she's kept all the gifts from the boyfriend who passed away.

It really does make me feel inadequate seeing this guys lingerie, teddy bears, watches that he got for her. I've spoken to her about them and she said the only reason she keeps them is because they are of a sentimental value to her. She said that if they make me feel uncomfortable she'd get rid of them, however this has not happened in over a month. Am I wrong by asking her to dispose of them???

 

[Dolby]

Does she keep them out in the open? Teddys on the bed etc? Or in a box/cupboard?

 

[blunomore]

Hi,

My girlfriend's once lost an ex-boyfriend of hers in a car accident about 2 years ago. She has dated other guys between then and now but has never kept any of their gifts. However she's kept all the gifts from the boyfriend who passed away.

It really does make me feel inadequate seeing this guys lingerie, teddy bears, watches that he got for her. I've spoken to her about them and she said the only reason she keeps them is because they are of a sentimental value to her. She said that if they make me feel uncomfortable she'd get rid of them, however this has not happened in over a month. Am I wrong by asking her to dispose of them???

Sorry, couldn't resist

 

[bsntombela]

Does she keep them out in the open? Teddys on the bed etc? Or in a box/cupboard?

The Teddy's were on her bed, untill I told her about my discomfort in having them around, the watch she still keeps in her jewelery box and she still wears the PJ (Pyjamas) he bought her

 

[bsntombela]

Sorry, couldn't resist

LOL, nah man you know what i mean!!!

 

[Dolby]

I'm not how I'd feel ... let me think about it :/

I'll get back to you.

 

[blunomore]

I'm not how I'd feel ... let me think about it :/

I'll get back to you.

Tick tock, tick tock ....

 

[Pitbull]

What you worried about, she clearly misses him. But he's gone, no way he can ever steal you woman from you

Let her hold on to him while you nob her brains out

 

[bex.cpt]

What you worried about, she clearly misses him. But he's gone, no way he can ever steal you woman from you

Let her hold on to him while you nob her brains out

Wow what a sensitive guy hey

Nah dude I think you should accept that once a bf dies they never get over them, unresolved issues blah blah. She must either go for therapy or you need to get a new gf

 

[skoob]

That was part of her past and its important to her....dont feel insecure, because at the end of the day she is with you!....those are just material things.

 

[Pitbull]

Wow what a sensitive guy hey

Nah dude I think you should accept that once a bf dies they never get over them, unresolved issues blah blah. She must either go for therapy or you need to get a new gf

But admit it,

Like you said, losing a loved one to death will never leave them. No use making yourself uncomfy with the whole idea. Anyway it's just gifts, it's not like he left her with 5 children or something.

Let het have her little fond memories. And cry from time to time if she thinks about the ex. Don't push her man. Let her be, the sooner you let her know that your ok with the whole mess, the sooner it will change to your benefit

 

[Dolby]

dont feel insecure, because at the end of the day she is with you

Er. I've heard this so often. According to stats there's a 40% chance chance she's with someone else as well as you. And in many cases, she's with you until someone else comes along that offers her more.

Remember not Mr Right, but Mr Right Now ...

 

[stoke]

The thing is, he and the rest of her past is part of her. You accept her with all her baggage and her memories and the skills she may have learned on the way, as well as the scars she has.

Being reminded on a daily basis that somebody else loved her should not be a bad thing, and if she wears the lingerie that somebody else gave her as she presents herself to you ... duuuuude ... she's presenting herself to you. YOU.

But, if she starts calling out his name, then you've got a hot potato.

And, fluffy toys and stuff on the bed .. aaaarg .. that's just annoying!

 

[blunomore]

What you worried about, she clearly misses him. But he's gone, no way he can ever steal you woman from you

Let her hold on to him while you nob her brains out

Sometimes your tact and subtlety amaze me

 

[Mila]

Pj's ..... its not about the guy it's about the pj's, a girl has a very special bond with comfy pj's.

the rest..... if you think she needs to get grief counseling help her if not get over yourself his peepee most probably was bigger than yours and and and but he is dead...... not coming back dead.

 

[xrapidx]

I wouldn't tell her to get rid of them - I've never asked any of my girlfriends to do that - just ask her to put them away - so you're not faced with them - I think thats fair enough.

 

[CathJ]

What you worried about, she clearly misses him. But he's gone, no way he can ever steal you woman from you

Not true... he can have her heart forever, because he can't do something stupid and mess it up. Unless you're talking in a purely physical sense...

Let her hold on to him while you nob her brains out

... which it appears you are.

But to the OP - it depends. I can understand her wanting to keep the stuff, but the bears should be packed away. The pyjamas (and the watch)... does she wear them to remember him, or because they're comfy?

I'd probably also be uncomfortable with it, if the situation was reversed, but the fact that she hasn't done anything in a month maybe indicates that maybe she's not as willing to get rid of them as she says she is? You have to decide how uncomfortable you feel, and how strongly she feels, and decide which is more important. Nagging, or pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do, could spoil the relationship - but ignoring your feelings also isn't good. There is no easy answer.

 

[Iwojima]

Simple really. She lost this guy to a tragic accident and not through the usual breakup crap, hence her hanging onto something that, in her mind, did not end.

Support the poor girl and let her hang onto a few keepsakes. If she starts comparing you to any lost loves and throwing that in your face THEN you might have something to worry about.

 

[bsntombela]

Thank you people!

I don't know if anyone here has ever gone through the same thing, but I'm telling you, a very few people would feel comfortable with your girlfriend holding a teddy bear from an EX tight in her arms after you have a fight..

I too think that it is of no good if I keep nagging for her to dispose of those things, so for the time being, I can only tell her how the whole situation makes me feel and it is completely up to her whether she considers my feelings or not...

 

[Devill]

Pj's ..... its not about the guy it's about the pj's, a girl has a very special bond with comfy pj's.

the rest..... if you think she needs to get grief counseling help her if not get over yourself his peepee most probably was bigger than yours and and and but he is dead...... not coming back dead.

Rofl

Well the thing is people start forgetting the faults of the dead person and start thinking of them as perfect in some cases.

Have a sit doen with her and tell het how you feel.