Giving up a child in SA

competentboob

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Has anyone here been through something like this? How did it go?

(it's not for me, but I know someone who is sadly hopelessly unable to cope financially)
 

signates

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Very tough decision to make.

We were on the opposite side of this a few years ago. Teenage mom not wanting her baby. Went through all processes with the wife even being in the room when she gave birth only for the mom to change her mind the next day. Was traumatic for every one involved.

There are many childless couples out there. We ended up taking an older child from an orphanage and having his sister also placed with us a few years ago. In the process of adopting them but even with an abandoned child, the adoption process is fraught with red tape.
 

competentboob

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Some more context would be great
single child of single parent who died when she was younger. left school to support herself. got knocked up. father denies child is his, she doesn't want him back (abusive apparently). previous income source wrecked by covid. what else?
 

maumau

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Aren't there places where you just leave the baby on the doorstep?
 

johnjm

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single child of single parent who died when she was younger. left school to support herself. got knocked up. father denies child is his, she doesn't want him back (abusive apparently). previous income source wrecked by covid. what else?

Age of kid. So basically her reasoning is that she can’t afford the kid?

As a father myself it cannot be that reason alone.

Unless she is still pregnant, then I understand the context.
 

Mars

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Not the time or place buddy.
There are such places, called a baby drop where the baby will be cared for from day one. Its not the right way to do it tho, because while these places are guaranteed safe its still illegal to abandon a baby.

Its mostly meant for bergies and tweakers and so on that would simply dump the baby wherever.
 

maumau

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There are such places, called a baby drop where the baby will be cared for from day one. Its not the right way to do it tho, because while these places are guaranteed safe its still illegal to abandon a baby.

Its mostly meant for bergies and tweakers and so on that would simply dump the baby wherever.

Yes, those are the places I'm talking about, there's one near Hillbrow run by nuns.

.... agree though, illegal and the mother would have to be desperate.
 

Eric

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There are such places, called a baby drop where the baby will be cared for from day one. Its not the right way to do it tho, because while these places are guaranteed safe its still illegal to abandon a baby.

Its mostly meant for bergies and tweakers and so on that would simply dump the baby wherever.
How are they guaranteed safe?
Corruption exists everywhere and there are people willing to pay big $$ for children.
 

Mars

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How are they guaranteed safe?
Corruption exists everywhere and there are people willing to pay big $$ for children.
No no, I mean guaranteed safe from prosecution for abandoning a baby. As for the other corruption, who knows. Corruption can exist in every walk of life and in every situation.
That said, I'm not sure who would want to pay for a child with fetal alcohol syndrome. There is a home in my area that looks after babies and children with it and its not easy and there is a waiting list to get into the home.
 

Flywheel

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Surely they must have some family or friends who can take care of the kid?
 

|tera|

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Surely they must have some family or friends who can take care of the kid?
Life is tough. As a grown man I was forced to turn to family for help during all this Covid crap.

It's difficult to know someone's exact circumstances though. People tend to look after themselves and not others.

I sincerely hope this lady is able to make a plan to keep her child.
I would not be able to give up a child. Although I have none of my own and will never have. I am an uncle to many. (oom in Afrikaans basically).

My thoughts are with this lady.
 

competentboob

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Age of kid. So basically her reasoning is that she can’t afford the kid?

As a father myself it cannot be that reason alone.

Unless she is still pregnant, then I understand the context.
Child is almost two.
It's not her reasoning at all. But what are the options? What happens to single mothers (and child) who cannot support their child?
 

competentboob

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Surely they must have some family or friends who can take care of the kid?
None. Keep in mind she left friends behind in mid-teens for another world, her peers will generally not be able to relate to her since they'd mostly still live with mom and dad. Also she came from province town to big city as teen and I'd think it's difficult to make good connections at that time. I don't think any of us can really imagine being like 16-17 and having to handle yourself, with no one you know you can call up and ask for help.

:crying:
 
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Flywheel

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None. Keep in mind she left friends behind in mid-teens for another world, her peers will generally not be able to relate to her since they'd mostly still live with mom and dad. Also she came from province town to big city as teen and I'd think it's difficult to make good connections at that time. I don't think any of us can really imagine being like 16-17 and having to handle yourself, with no one you know you can call up and ask for help.

:crying:

That's really terrible. The blame is more on the guy who got her pregnant then left.

Unfortunately nothing left exept for her to claim child support/grant and raise the child.
 

AntiThesis

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Does the sperm donor not have a job? Surely he ought to be forced to care for the child at a minimum?
^^^ This. There are maintenance requirements whether or not he wants to admit that the kid is his. She can force the issue if need be. First thing would be to talk to a family law lawyer - very normal for the first consultation to be free so she can get an idea of where to go next.

The lawyer will also be able to put her on to the right people if pursuing maintenance is not an option.

IANAL but there are good people that will help her to make the right choice for herself and her child.
 
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