Giving up a child in SA

competentblob

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Nov 7, 2020
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What's messed up in SA is the government grant to foster a child is a few hundred per month more than the child support grant paid to unemployed mothers!

Very sad. But there's definitely more to this story than we are being told. I know of at least 5 NGOs in Cape Town with feeding projects. Where is she in SA? What about local churches? There are people and places to ask for help. An able bodied young mother with 1 child does not just give them up because she's hit a rough patch. I know quite a few people who have been in her position. I would start with a drug test and offering her help if she is clean and stays sober until things are back on track.

I think I've given the wrong impression here completely. It is not the mother's will to just give up the child at all. Far from it, she's literally killing herself (eating terribly poorly, very sleep deprived) trying to get by.
It is my (childless) logic which makes me think it's the better option in this situation. If enduring a life of constant suffering and struggle guaranteed the child a good upbringing I'd tell her to go suffer what she must. But there's no such guarantee.
 

AntiThesis

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Going to a family law specialist isn't necc. to start a lawsuit or sue for maintenance - it's to get a good, impartial guide on where to go and who to contact. Family lawyers have contacts pretty much everywhere and can help in more ways than standing in a courtroom.
 

competentblob

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:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

^^^ As an adopted child , this , this , and this.
Sometimes circumstances force people to make difficult choices for the right reason.
2 of the main reason i did a trace on my biological mother was so that i could:
a: let her know that i went to a loving family who gave me a good life
b: to let her know that she wasnt wrong in doing what she felt was right at the time.

/// we remain in communication and still chat regularly

This is basically what's behind my logic... if child stays with mother it's difficult to see any future outside poverty and worse.
 

competentblob

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Going to a family law specialist isn't necc. to start a lawsuit or sue for maintenance - it's to get a good, impartial guide on where to go and who to contact. Family lawyers have contacts pretty much everywhere and can help in more ways than standing in a courtroom.
Thank you I will talk to her about this some more
 

competentblob

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Also not that it helps or changes anything but she was on the pill and was prescribed antibiotics which screwed with the pill efficacy
 

chrisc

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Aug 14, 2008
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Wife‘s cousin adopted a 3-week old girl. When this young lady was 18, she got a call from her biological mother who painted a real sob-story about how she was “forced” to give her up. In the meantime, she remarried and had a lot of money

In the end, she showered her daughter with gifts, a car, a flat. Much to the disappointment of her adoptive parents, she turned her back on them

My wife met her in the street a year ago. She was totally unapologetic about the hurt she had inflicted on her adoptive parents

One can never imagine how it can turn out
 

WhiteRaven

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I think I've given the wrong impression here completely. It is not the mother's will to just give up the child at all. Far from it, she's literally killing herself (eating terribly poorly, very sleep deprived) trying to get by.
It is my (childless) logic which makes me think it's the better option in this situation. If enduring a life of constant suffering and struggle guaranteed the child a good upbringing I'd tell her to go suffer what she must. But there's no such guarantee.

Oh okay, I get it now, a current life of struggle does not mean a forever life of struggle. I'm not going to share my story but what I can tell you is this, she can do this on her own with a little bit of help. She needs to be assisted with the tools to be independent, to pull an income that is not dependent on an employer and she needs a mentor.

Please reach out to me on PM, I will gladly assist.
 
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