How do you talk about death with a dying loved one?

[Grant]

An exceptional documentary :

#BeingMortal #Documentary

Being Mortal (full film)​

How do you talk about death with a dying loved one? Dr. Atul Gawande explores death, dying and why even doctors struggle to discuss being mortal with patients, in this Emmy-nominated documentary. “Aging and dying — you can’t fix those," says Dr. Gawande. This film examines the relationships between doctors and patients nearing the end of life, and how the medical profession can better help people navigate mortality. The ultimate goal, after all, is not a good death but a good life — to the very end.

 

[Gordon_R]

I haven't watched the video, but Dr. Atul Gawande is a legend, and has written some excellent works on medicine and health.

 

[Fred07]

Thank you for this post. But why did you post it Grant? Someone you know going on the trip?

 

[Grant]

Thank you for this post. But why did you post it Grant? Someone you know going on the trip?

I happened on the video unintentionally.
I watched for a few minutes, then thought back to the death of my own parents.
My father death, at home, as a result of cancer.
My mother, in the emergency dept of Chris Barnard hospital in Cape Town.

But more specifically my mother.
During the last 2 years of her life she was in and out of hospital.
The turning point was as a result of a hospital acquired infection while in Chris Barnard hospital during 2017.
It got the the point where a DNR was in place, but progressed to the point where it was suggested medical support be withdrawn and replaced with palliative care.
In the potential face of death, my preference was that she died at home (she had already been in isolation at the hospital for 4 months and hated every day being there).

Her critical care physician suggested she rather be kept at the hospital.
The reason for the suggestion was that some people experience a very sudden and rapid onset of death. This may include considerable pain and discomfort.
This experience is just as traumatic for any family member at the time, primarily because they may not have the training, equipment or medication to take appropriate measures.
This in turn often results in an ambulance being called and rushed back into hospital, only to die there very shortly afterwards.
He suggested she rather remained in hospital as they have everything immediately available to keep the patient comfortable until their last breath.

The cause of onset of death varies from person to person, for some a hospital environment may be most appropriate, for others hospice, and for some, home.

Dealing with the onset of death is probably one of the most important discussions one can have during their life.
There is a bit of a paradoxical element in this. One may have the discussion who's death is approaching quickly.
This provides opportunity to say goodbyes etc.
On the other hand, the healthy family member having this discussion could killed in a car accident or die from a heart attack 30 minutes later - long before the anticipated death of the sick person.

So ultimately, I take the veiw end of life discussions with terminally I'll people should be considered an opportunity of sorts, an opportunity denied to someone who's death may be sudden and unexpected.