I feel really bad. Am I an @$$hole?

iDenTiTy

Expert Member
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Apr 14, 2007
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3,899
#1
I feel really bad.

This is what happened:

For a while now I have been chatting to a (very nice) girl. So last night we met up and went on a blind date. The date went well, she is a very good, honest, caring person.
The date went on for a long time. We both enjoyed ourselves.

But here's the thing. I felt no "spark".

So this morning I thanked her for the date, and trying to be honest (whilst thoughtful), told her what I thought. (I didn't want to lead her on).

I also told her about the lack of spark etc. She sounded upset. I will get up right now and say I'm a "soft" person. So I reeaaly feel guilty, and now I don't know if what I did was right.
:(

Am I being an @$$hole? - I didn't mean to hurt her, she really is a good person, quite hot too.

What should I do? What should I have done? Was I right doing what I did?
 
Last edited:

AR_GTR

Well-Known Member
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Aug 16, 2007
Messages
265
#8
Tell her you just wanna be friends for now and that maybe things could change in the future (you said yourself shes hot. As long as shes not throwing herself at you im sure you can be friends with a hot chick)

Hey maybe one drunken night it will change :D
 
Joined
Aug 22, 2003
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#10
Naw dude don't feel guilty. But I wouldn't have burned the bridge if I were you. Just because there was no spark doesn't mean you wouldn't end up feeling for her. You should've nailed her first and then go "mmm, no spark" and tell her.

But not being an ******* now, just chill
 

Ou grote

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Sep 3, 2007
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15,472
#11
Naw dude don't feel guilty. But I wouldn't have burned the bridge if I were you. Just because there was no spark doesn't mean you wouldn't end up feeling for her. You should've nailed her first and then go "mmm, no spark" and tell her.

But not being an ******* now, just chill
Seems I agree with Acid on this one.

You never tell her there was no spark - after a 1st date, crazy man.:eek:
 
Joined
Aug 22, 2003
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19,809
#14
Ja. You right.

Damn it.

:(
You'll be able to redeem it though.

Just sms her saying something a long the lines of "There's something I didn't tell you, but you must hate me right now... anyway :("

Then wait for her to sms you back or something.

Make up some sob story about how she reminded you of your ex when you saw her the first time. And that how she cheated on you and hurt you so much that you actually started hating her (hate not being in your vocabulary of course, so she knows you mean business)

Then try and make a joke about "If you didn't wear xyz you would've passed for someone I could fall for... mwa" or something

If she really liked you a lot she'll come around.

Just start dating her for a few months.
 

gregmcc

Honorary Master
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Jun 29, 2006
Messages
21,521
#15
So this morning I thanked her for the date
Shouldn't it read:

"So this morning I rolled over I thanked her for the date" :D

I would have gone on another few dates and taken it from there - there might not have been a spark as you/her were nervous, first date etc etc. Give it at least another few goes before you decide there's no spark.
 

Ou grote

Honorary Master
Joined
Sep 3, 2007
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15,472
#16
Shouldn't it read:

"So this morning I rolled over I thanked her for the date" :D

I would have gone on another few dates and taken it from there - there might not have been a spark as you/her were nervous, first date etc etc. Give it at least another few goes before you decide there's no spark.
All her friends know he's an ass now, so he's gonna have to make up something like that.
 

iDenTiTy

Expert Member
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Apr 14, 2007
Messages
3,899
#17
Ja. Shew... There's alot of guru's on this thread!!

I don't know how to describe it.. but the chatting wasn't "comfortable", I wasn't nervous - in fact I was looking forward to it... it's just that there was nothing there..

I didn't want to date her, end up still not feeling anything, only to break up and see her get hurt even further.

I'm not saying that the opposite wouldn't happen, but still.

Anyway, it's a lesson learned..

"Always give it a second chance, you never know what may come of it".

Perhaps I was too quick to cut it?
 
Joined
Aug 22, 2003
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19,809
#18
Ja. Shew... There's alot of guru's on this thread!!

I don't know how to describe it.. but the chatting wasn't "comfortable", I wasn't nervous - in fact I was looking forward to it... it's just that there was nothing there..

I didn't want to date her, end up still not feeling anything, only to break up and see her get hurt even further.

I'm not saying that the opposite wouldn't happen, but still.

Anyway, it's a lesson learned..

"Always give it a second chance, you never know what may come of it".

Perhaps I was too quick to cut it?
First date conversations RARELY "flow" naturally. Only reason is you weren't comfortable with each other (yet) and the fact you probably talked about more intimate stuff online/sms could have made her a bit more shy than usual.

Read my other post on how to get her back and do it. It's worth a shot. And she's hurt anyway by this. I don't buy this bull**** people spin about "I will rather break it off now than not to hurt their feelings" is a bit of a crock if you ask me. Feelings will be hurt regardless of when the breaking of it "off" will occur. Especially if you've been talking to them for a while beforehand.
 

iDenTiTy

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Apr 14, 2007
Messages
3,899
#19
First date conversations RARELY "flow" naturally. Only reason is you weren't comfortable with each other (yet) and the fact you probably talked about more intimate stuff online/sms could have made her a bit more shy than usual.

Read my other post on how to get her back and do it. It's worth a shot. And she's hurt anyway by this. I don't buy this bull**** people spin about "I will rather break it off now than not to hurt their feelings" is a bit of a crock if you ask me. Feelings will be hurt regardless of when the breaking of it "off" will occur. Especially if you've been talking to them for a while beforehand.
Well the thing is when we speak on the phone, it's about all kinds of stuff.
Conversations roll on quite well..

Anyway. Phoned her again, and we have a game of tennis organised.

:)
 
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