I know someone with a drinking problem.

Datura said:
Co dependency helps in situations where at least one of the guys has strong will power. Otherwise it turns into a situation where you will be making excuses for one another to go get tanked. Just this one last time...

I quit for eight months about a year and a half ago and it was great. One fight and a trip to the pub for a pint and I am back where I was. I am in a semi co dependent relationship that does help keep it to a minimum (couple of glasses of wine in the evenings) but it is not enough. We get into situations where we push each other to go to the pub and have a few shooters. It isn't easy.
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Yeah, I recall you saying a while back.

Yeah man, it's hard, I've tried to quit many times myself. The person did not take me up on the offer though, but I'm still doing it regardless. I think it sent them into a panic for some reason.
 
I really wish that there was a simple solution that I could offer you but there isn't. It is easy when you get there but difficult to get there. If you know what I mean. A little perseverance and a lot of determination coupled with sincere support from friends and/or loved ones and you may have a winning combination.

Good, let him panic. Panic is good as long as he isn't trying to drink it away.

My SO is going on holiday for a month and I will be experimenting with sobriety.
 
copacetic said:
Yes, atheist. Worth a try one way or the other. I'm quite curious myself now, will definitely go to a couple of meetings.
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I don't think they appreciate non-alcoholics there....better clear it with their leader first.
 
Wilbur needs to fill his time with something else he enjoys. Preferably something that he cannot enjoy if he has been drinking or is hungover.
He needs to either have friends who understand his issue, or stop seeing the kinds of friends who dont fully support / encourage his endevour.

How mentally strong is Wilbur in other aspects of his life?
I know many ppl have mentioned AA, i havent seen much luck with it in those around me...but I guess its worth a shot.
 
tau1z said:
Wilbur needs to fill his time with something else he enjoys. Preferably something that he cannot enjoy if he has been drinking or is hungover.
He needs to either have friends who understand his issue, or stop seeing the kinds of friends who dont fully support / encourage his endevour.

How mentally strong is Wilbur in other aspects of his life?
I know many ppl have mentioned AA, i havent seen much luck with it in those around me...but I guess its worth a shot.
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I found that I lost myself in my hobbies when I quit. It was a welcomed distraction and a life saver (literally! Drinking almost killed me twice). When I started to drink again, my hobbies and interests dulled again. So, I agree, he needs to fill his drinking time with activities that bring him satisfaction and reward. The first step is to break the habitual aspect of the problem (going to the pub after work every day) and the rest will hopefully fall into place. What helped me with the pub visits was cooking. I enjoyed going straight home, getting changed, going to the shops to buy ingredients and then butchering a meal.
 
AA *barf*

I'd rather replace one addiction with another, more positive one. If he's willing and you're willing, there shouldn't be too much of an issue. A hobby or something
 
Datura said:
I found that I lost myself in my hobbies when I quit. It was a welcomed distraction and a life saver (literally! Drinking almost killed me twice). When I started to drink again, my hobbies and interests dulled again. So, I agree, he needs to fill his drinking time with activities that bring him satisfaction and reward. The first step is to break the habitual aspect of the problem (going to the pub after work every day) and the rest will hopefully fall into place. What helped me with the pub visits was cooking. I enjoyed going straight home, getting changed, going to the shops to buy ingredients and then butchering a meal.
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Exactly, when i felt i needed to stop, i made sure i always had a gym bag packed.
Whenever i was coming home from work or driving on the wknd and I wanted to go to the pub, i would hit the gym instead.
It worked suprisingly well, and i even managed to get friends to join me.

This may sound odd (and it was more related to drugs with me) but I noticed that if i had a strong urge to go out and buy some kind of narcotic, that urge was drastically reduced if I had sex. I am sure I just substituted the gratification from drugs with that of sex, but it did help...
 
copacetic said:
No, no accident, but it's completely unacceptable anyone getting behind the wheel of a car pissed.
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O yes! In my mid 20's I had a Mazda with a manual sunroof. I used to "surf" on top of the roof @ 3-4am..... going home on the N1...in fast lane at slow speed (maybe 40km/h or so, can't remember) while friend handled the steering wheel and gas. How I never fell off in the state I was in, is totally beyond me - could have been fatal to us and others.
 
Wow.

AA is pretty weird.

But it was absolutely fascinating, and I quite enjoyed it actually.

I can see why some people might call it a bit cult like though.

1st RULE: You do not talk about AA.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about AA.
 
copacetic said:
Wow.

AA is pretty weird.

But it was absolutely fascinating, and I quite enjoyed it actually.

I can see why some people might call it a bit cult like though.

1st RULE: You do not talk about AA.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about AA.
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One guy that I know in Sea Point hasn't missed an AA meeting in 5 years. I met him in the pub about 2 years ago. He goes after every meeting.
 
copacetic said:
Well, that seems a bit pointless...

Yeah, tequila, god I can't stand the stuff myself.
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I love it, but it almost killed me. My tattoo artist used to come and drink with me and I would sometimes take him from the pub to an AA meeting at his church and pick him up afterwards to take him back to the pub. He promised his ex he would go.
 
I am ex heroin addict
My old man drank away half his life.

So, here's my two cents based on my somewhat limited experience :D

Rehabs
Think twice before you just send a loved one off to one of these places. Yes, its a nice time-out session where you are not allowed near your high of choice and is taught a bit of chemistry and psychology.

BUT...

Firstly, you usually end up with a group of people reminiscing about the old days. Secondly, most of these institutions are run by churches that condition you with the idea that you can't get better without accepting their ideology. To me this is morally corrupt behavior and creates a whole new range of psychological issues for the person. Lastly, remember the analogy of sending a car thief to jail. He goes in knowing how to steal VWs and comes out knowing how to steal Mercs and BMWs. Most of these centers have a mixed population of people with different addictions. This happened to me personally.

AA
I've never been to one of these and comment much. First thing that comes to mind is the first line of my rehab post. Yes, it can be good to talk about your addiction, but we have shrinks for that. Rest of the time, its the last damn thing that should be on your mind. If you are still with a group after 5 years, you have a problem. You should be long over your addiction after 2 years.

What worked for me
After walking out of rehab I left my job and moved in with the parentals for a year who became my support group. In that year I did not set a foot outside the gate. I did not have any contact with 'partners in crime'. In fact, I lost most of those 'friends'. I had a few sessions with a shrink, which helped with underlying issues.

All of these things helped a great deal, but in the end only one thing got me clean. WILLPOWER. You can take a horse to the water...
 
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