I Need A PHP/MySQL Guru

[GreGorGy]

So, this is what I have...

LOCATION: East Rand
INDUSTRY: Insurance
SALARY: Up to R40K, depending on abilities, with the potential for rapid growth depending on performance.

THE CANDIDATE (substitute him for her, he for she, etc - not gender specific)
The ideal candidate will know PHP backwards and will NOT need to use the various frameworks (CodeIgnitor, Laravel, etc) to get her work done - she can do the work with her own raw code if she has to. If you have to use things that write the code for you or if you cannot get by without your framework, this is not for you.
The ideal candidate will have a firm grasp of MySQL and he will be able to string together complex queries across multiple tables and databases with the same amount of ease as tying his shoelaces. If your SQL skills comprise drag-and-drop query builders, then this is not the job for you.
The ideal candidate will be able to use that PHP and MySQL combination to build web pages that use jquery (and javascript by extension I suppose) to reflect the results of her work in a manner that the poor user can understand. Your HTML / CSS / Javascript / JQuery skills need to be good enough to support your work in a usable interface and if you need to use WYSIWYG editors or if you feel that the user must adapt to your style, then this is not the job for you.
The ideal candidate is well-spoken and confident enough to present his work as accurate and has the interpersonal skills required to deal with many different personalities throughout the day. If you are insecure or shy or introverted or otherwise difficult to engage then maybe this is not the ideal workplace.
Lastly, you will be working with me. If you are easily moved to tears or take offence at the drop of a hat, save us both the hassle and use this platform as the one to ignore me - not work, because that is not the ideal job for you.

Interested? Then drop me a PM and I will give you an email address. Actually, maybe some of you would like to retain your forum anonymity so if you have questions, drop me a PM. If you want to send your CV then email it to GreGorGy@devilliers.org.za and make sure the subject is clear so that I do not delete the damn thing by accident as spam.

 

[^^vampire^^]

You sounds like a miserable old git a Redd Foreman if you will

Do you need someone working in an office or would you consider someone working from overseas?

 

[GreGorGy]

You sounds like a miserable old git a Redd Foreman if you will

Do you need someone working in an office or would you consider someone working from overseas?

It is true - I am a Redd Foreman. My foot has travelled up many many asses.

I need someone in the office all the time. My users are remarkably needy.

 

[spiderz]

Sounds like a tazer to control the users will be a better investment.

When are you opening CPT offices?

 

[GreGorGy]

Sounds like a tazer to control the users will be a better investment.

When are you opening CPT offices?

The nature of our industry is such that we need users from all walks of life as this is representative of our customer base. I love my users - they are my nearest and dearest.
So in short, yes, tazers would be cool.


And as for Cape Town - well, let's just say the day we open an office there is the day I give up all hope.

 

[donaldza]

This post reminded me of this: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/0...meaningless_repetitive_work_on_the_net_stack/

"We have a legacy of spaghetti code that doesn't mix well with modern standards!"

 

[GreGorGy]

This post reminded me of this: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/0...meaningless_repetitive_work_on_the_net_stack/

"We have a legacy of spaghetti code that doesn't mix well with modern standards!"

I wish:

Wulf tells The Register the ad has succeeded. “My phone has been ringing off the hook,” he says. “People are telling me they are strangely attracted to the job because other jobs don't sound real.”

The code is decent and modern which is why I do not want some chancer throwing together all sorts of hopeful crap that slows down my servers.

 

[Baxteen]

the Job look so good I told my Brother to send you a PM.

 

[GreGorGy]

the Job look so good I told my Brother to send you a PM.

I got it - I will be sending him a challenge of sorts later today which I will use to evaluate his abilities, especially with SQL.

 

[biometrics]

I'm curious why you don't like PHP frameworks?

 

[Baxteen]

I hope he impresses you. he is one of those guys. Natural programmer that likes hardware. worked at Incredible for extra income and that set him off on the hardware path. so he started to dev in his spare time. now a few years later he is in a dead end job in a dying industry(stationary) and all I want is for him to become a dev. I know he will be amazing at it he has the right mindset for it, but he has never actually worked in the environment.


also if he does badly on the test and does not meet your standards, its totally cool, you need to do what is best for the company and I get that.

 

[GreGorGy]

I'm curious why you don't like PHP frameworks?

That's not it. I just need someone who isn't entirely dependent on frameworks and can actually do his/her own thing without relying on these. Also, a bulk of CodeIgnitor legacy stuff exists and in making the system faster and easier to use, I found CI to be a hindrance for a variety of reasons which I won't explore in this thread.

 

[Sodan]

If you are insecure or shy or introverted or otherwise difficult to engage then maybe this is not the ideal workplace.

Wow, just wow. What do you have against introverts??

 

[Vin0]

i've sent you a mail

 

[GreGorGy]

Wow, just wow. What do you have against introverts??

Nothing - but the job requires a lot of interaction with users. I have had the quite type here before and they generally don't seem to properly understand what it is the users require. In this position, you won't work in a silo or in a secluded team but in the wide open with a few hundred very dynamic users. The crowd here is such that if you are introverted and prefer not to engage anyone, you'll quickly fade in to the background and not really be known, which would mean all these users will be back at my door asking me the thousand questions that I want to split into 500/500. I hope that makes sense.

 

[GreGorGy]

i've sent you a mail

Got it thanks - I will hand over to our HR and if they're happy, take further action from there.

 

[Sodan]

Nothing - but the job requires a lot of interaction with users. I have had the quite type here before and they generally don't seem to properly understand what it is the users require. In this position, you won't work in a silo or in a secluded team but in the wide open with a few hundred very dynamic users. The crowd here is such that if you are introverted and prefer not to engage anyone, you'll quickly fade in to the background and not really be known, which would mean all these users will be back at my door asking me the thousand questions that I want to split into 500/500. I hope that makes sense.

I understand perfectly. I'm currently in a large, open "factory-floor"-like setting. It's quite awful. (If I may be so bold to speak for all of us introverts) we absolutely detest the "whoever shouts the loudest gets priority" modus operandi.

So yes, I can see that your company culture would be an introvert's nightmare, and an extravert's (soggy) dream.

 

[GreGorGy]

I understand perfectly. I'm currently in a large, open "factory-floor"-like setting. It's quite awful. (If I may be so bold to speak for all of us introverts) we absolutely detest the "whoever shouts the loudest gets priority" modus operandi.

So yes, I can see that your company culture would be an introvert's nightmare, and an extravert's (soggy) dream.

We're the same as that (although, the way it is phrased, we sound like animals )

I'd consider a reserved introvert but when this industry eats them alive, and they go from job security to misery, I'd feel bad.