I'm broken...

ebendl said:
Sheesh, not even once did somebody suggest "Keep sex for marriage"? That's the interesting thing - the standard in this thread seems to be "sex is meant for a relationship, else somebody will get hurt". However, then there's the fight over whether he/she was in a relationship. Now, if they kept sex for marriage, then this wouldn't have been a problem at all - most people are fairly certain whether they are married or not!

I might be old-school, but I'm guessing there would be a whole lot less hurt if this rule was followed. And yes, you could try and get to the point of saying "see sex as just sex", but the fact is, it WILL be an emotional and intimate thing for most people, ALWAYS.

@Problemo - sorry buddy, my comments are not really helping your case. Sorry you got hurt!
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We also didnt mention slavery or burning witches at the stake.

It might have solved the issue, it also might have caused one of them to cheat purely for sex. It also might have meant that should they get married, they might not have been sexually compatible or sexually satisfied with their partner and result in divorce
 
ebendl said:
Sheesh, not even once did somebody suggest "Keep sex for marriage"?
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Sorry but that is a very old fashioned point of view & generally only applies to people who are very religious... ( well in most instances)
 
RustyPrincess said:
Her sleeping around after you broke up is the least of your concerns if you decide to get back together. Couples who break up usually do so for a reason, and that reason will more than likely raise its head again if you do get back together - then a year from now you will be posting the same thread - even more hurt. Move on - the relationship is over.
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+1

If you are seriously considering of trying to resuscitate life back into this relationship you need to just be careful and consider focussing on the reason why it happened, rather than the action and affect. What was the cause that made her go out and have sex with someone else? Another thing to consider is her coming back to you may be more an action of comfort rather than actually wanting you.

I would not take her back right away. Don't brush her off completely but don't make plans based around her. Time will tell if it is really you she wanted (and has figured that out) or if it was just comfortable to have you around her at the time.

P.S make sure that this does not affect your new job otherwise you gonna be depressed and broke!!
 
ChilliGirl said:
ok so a brief summary:

you break up = you are both single & free to see/sleep with whom you want
she comes & humps your bones
she humps another guy's bones (she can she is single)
She tells you
you tell her to F-off outa your home coz she cheated on you.

Sorry: NEWS FLASH

She did not cheat on you. She slept around, yes.


besides it should stroke your ego that she humped you both & still prefer you after all this time to the new fresh bones.

20-something does not mean you are mentally mature yet. Grow up & then rethink.
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+1
 
ebendl said:
Sheesh, not even once did somebody suggest "Keep sex for marriage"?
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Old fashioned?! More like prehistoric.

Unless you are some fugly looking thing using that as the reason for keeping your "Special gift" for marriage, then you are a religious fanatic.
 
discuss honestly on both sides:

1. what you feel (fear, disappointment, anger, guilt etc). understand why you feel this.
2. why you chose to behave the way you did (try to recognise habitual behaviour/defense mechanisms from your past)
3. what your expectations are from a relationship
4. what you think "love" means (define it)

i'm no expert in these matters, but my theory is that it's a good idea to assume 50% ownership of the problem.
we generally just follow predetermined patterns of behaviour and respond habitually.
unless we are chained to a stake, we always have the choice to determine our own happiness and it's irrational to exclusively blame unhappiness on the partner.
 
It hurts man but learn from this and get a new girl.

I also had a 3-4 year relationship with a girl I thought I would marry but this did not work out.
I took a year for myself and cleared my head and heart and met someone new.
I am now much happier than I was back then and I feel that the 4 years were school fees to be paid to learn a couple of lessons :D
 
Problemo said:
She kept telling me how she's not ready for anyone else and that i'm still very much in her thoughts

a) she slept with some other guy and slept with me (pretty much same period of time)
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She lied to you, never forget this. Forget her and move on.
 
keep it simple dude, get a girl you like and hump the day lights out of her, tell your ex/girlfriend about it and there will be no ill feelings about it between the two of you, you guys will be even. cos if u dont do it the though of that john doe stickin it to a woman u thought u was stickin to her alone will haunt you.....for a long time my friend.
 
Devill said:
I am now much happier than I was back then and I feel that the 4 years were school fees to be paid to learn a couple of lessons :D
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agreed and if it were your first relationship know that them are just stepping stones or foundations to greater and happier relationships, its rare to find first love succeeding past 4 years or even marriage
 
Hahahaha. I love how all the woman are backing up the op's Ex while the guys are backing up the Op :D :D.

On a side note i have nothing of value to add to this thread.
 
starring said:
keep it simple dude, get a girl you like and hump the day lights out of her, tell your ex/girlfriend about it and there will be no ill feelings about it between the two of you, you guys will be even. cos if u dont do it the though of that john doe stickin it to a woman u thought u was stickin to her alone will haunt you.....for a long time my friend.
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That's right. Don't get mad, get even. If she's got a problem with it, then she's a hypocrite.

Just don't play in the rain without a raincoat, you might catch something.
 
opinions are like *******s, everybody has one :p
 
There are really only 2 options here.
Option 1: Take her back.
Option 2: Dont take her back.

Once you have decided on which option, the rest will have to be dealt with as you go along.
 
teraside said:
BS.

If there was any love in her for him, there would be no sleeping around.

I was without my girlfriend for 4 months, almost no physical contact and we were true to each other, even with the single label.

I don't care what you call a man that has a one night stand, that's that man's issue. The OP isn't that man. He loved his lady and she slept around. Slut.
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You do know you have sexist issues?
 
teraside said:
BS.

If there was any love in her for him, there would be no sleeping around.

I was without my girlfriend for 4 months, almost no physical contact and we were true to each other, even with the single label.

I don't care what you call a man that has a one night stand, that's that man's issue. The OP isn't that man. He loved his lady and she slept around. Slut.
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You do know you have sexist issues?
 
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