I'm not having as much fun as I thought I would...

[Davey]

So in early February I started University and i was really looking forward to it, I am at a private university and there's roughly 3000-4000 people who go to it.

At the big risk of sounding whiney...

I have to admit, I am really not having as much fun as I though I would. I can tell you I have never had a problem making friends or anything like that, but yet I haven't made any friends! Ok I do have two friends that I chill out with in-between lectures and stuff but to be honest I couldn't really say: "Hey, wanna go to a movie tonight?"

All my buddies from high school have made friends in their Universities (UJ, Wits or UP etc...) which makes me wonder if going to a small, private university was a big mistake? This place is R70000 (compared to decent costing degrees at Wits etc...) a year and yet it feels like it's incomplete?

There are no clubs to join, such as ones in wits. It is mainly focused on international students coming into SA so there are a lot of people from the USA, UK, Australia, Asia and a lot from the african continent. I feel that my university is just TOO diverse for me to handle! Not that I hate diversity but when I walk around my campus, I kind of see everybody being kind of lost, everyone from all around the world thrown into one place and nobody knows how to interact with each other.

I'm not complaining and I'm so grateful beyond words that my parents have offered me such a fantastic education, I know there are so many students out there so eager to learn! But I feel if I went to wits or something there would be more culture and groups for me to interact with! Although I don't want to move universities as it would probably upset my parents and then again with this one I get all the flashy benefits of an "international degree" bla, bla, bla...

Yet my academics have been at a all time high, (Perks of being at home on a friday night) I'm literally getting A's for almost everything which is odd for me, haha.

Right now I just feel so alone and never in my life have I been without my friends, of course the classic line goes: "we'll keep in touch". and that was 5 months ago, and yet I've lost contact with them.

Being Gay doesn't help this either, I'm not going to go to a Gay club or anything like that to meet new people. I hate clubs, alcohol and $h1t like that to be honest. I hate whining like this because I feel stupid for not making any friends, and yet I feel vulnerable at the same time. I've tried Google for LGBT community centres and stuff like that but JHB seems really scarce for that type of stuff, yet Wits had a LGBT group on their campus (So I've heard).

I wish there were people who I can just do normal things with, I've hardly been out this year, and it sucks because, well I'm a student?! *Cue University is the best time of your life cliche*

Now that I have finished writing this thread I feel like a loser just rambling on, what do I do, where can I meet new people? Sorry for the rant but I feel like I am losing my mind right now!

 

[Frikkenator]

It's only been a couple of months, and these things can take time. Also between 3000-4000 people I can assure you, you are not the only gay person around. So ask these 2 friends of yours for a beer after class somewhere close to the university. Even though you don't like alcohol most students do, and you don't have to drink anything alcoholic. At this supposed bar there should be other students from your university and you will slowly start to get to know the people.

If everyone looks lost then they probably feel the same way as you do, so be the catalyst that gets everyone talking and hanging out. You don't sound like the shy kid in the corner, so if there are no clubs then start one, just something simple like a movie club. I can guarantee you there are a lot of people there having the same problem.

But most of all, give it time.

By the way, I reckon if you can stick it out and you do start making friends, that the diversity will be quite cool.

 

[Lycanthrope]

Try being 10,000km away from everything you've ever known and adapting to a whole new society, culture and learning a new language.

As unkind as it may sound, sometimes you have to grow up, suck it up and deal with the world and those feelings--they aren't going to be there forever and, as the old adage goes: it gets better.

Meeting people will happen in time. Get through your academia and, when you're ready, enter the real world.

Being Gay doesn't help this either, I'm not going to go to a Gay club or anything like that to meet new people. I hate clubs, alcohol and $h1t like that to be honest. I hate whining like this because I feel stupid for not making any friends, and yet I feel vulnerable at the same time. I've tried Google for LGBT community centres and stuff like that but JHB seems really scarce for that type of stuff, yet Wits had a LGBT group on their campus (So I've heard).

Joining a gay community centre/making friends who are gay won't necessarily give you what you want either.

Learn to enjoy things on your own and find a bit of independence. That's the best advice I can give.

 

[ant_man]

It will happen, it is still early days.
You will start making friends.

On another point you say you wish you were at a bigger Varsity, I have often heard the guys who go to UCT, Wits, etc. Say that they wish they were at smaller institutions as the bigger ones are less personal.

 

[syntax]

Are you staying in a Res type situation or travelling from home?

All i can advise is keep a look out for activities that happen around campus, use this to chat to others and see if they are keen to go. Chatting before lectures or being involved in group projects / assignments might help as well.
Possibly start a study group, mention that after studies you might want to hit a bar or club etc if anyone is keen.

Make the most of it and be a little irresponsible

 

[mine_dump]

maybe it's because you are not at a university (3K people?), that's a primary school

 

[I.am.Sam]

maybe it's because you are not at a university (3K people?), that's a primary school

monash is the only uni i can think of and thats in roodeport

im sure if you go out you can meet people

 

[Pooky]

Hey don't feel so bad.

I have been at a big University for over 2 years now and haven't made one friend.

University I would say so far has been the worst time of my life.

 

[Mr G]

I know of people that had a blast at university, but cant even land a decent job now. my advice would be to focus on doing the best you can at your studies. maybe after finishing with uni you'll land a brilliant job and make friends then. Until then, there's always myBB to keep you company

 

[azbob]

Hey don't feel so bad.

I have been at a big University for over 2 years now and haven't made one friend.

University I would say so far has been the worst time of my life.

You're still young so that's not really saying much.

 

[azbob]

Hey don't feel so bad.

I have been at a big University for over 2 years now and haven't made one friend.

University I would say so far has been the worst time of my life.

You're still young so that's not really saying much.

 

[ShaunSA]

I know of people that had a blast at university, but cant even land a decent job now. my advice would be to focus on doing the best you can at your studies. maybe after finishing with uni you'll land a brilliant job and make friends then. Until then, there's always myBB to keep you company

He sounds like a shoo in for membership of the LHC

 

[ShaunSA]

I know of people that had a blast at university, but cant even land a decent job now. my advice would be to focus on doing the best you can at your studies. maybe after finishing with uni you'll land a brilliant job and make friends then. Until then, there's always myBB to keep you company

He sounds like a shoo in for membership of the LHC

 

[Mr G]

Right now I just feel so alone and never in my life have I been without my friends, of course the classic line goes: "we'll keep in touch". and that was 5 months ago, and yet I've lost contact with them.

Whats stopping you from making contact with them again? Do you live far from them? Have you lost their phone numbers, not on facebook/twitter/instagram/mxit/etc?

 

[Ecco]

Maybe the small private university was a maistake. But whats wrong with hanging out with your school friends on weekends and stuff. At your current campus - go do you work etc, and weekends hang out with your school friends and their new university friends.

 

[Jow]

Maybe you can still apply at a proper University? Your parents will appreciate the savings and you will appreciate a more recognised degree.

 

[OrbitalDawn]

Do you go to Monash?

Anyway, whatever you do, whatever changes you want to make, just ensure that your marks stay up there. It's should be your no.1 priority. Social problems can change quickly and sometimes easily, but academic problems can become a big problem if they accumulate.

Regarding your situation. Just put yourself out there, man. Start talking to random people that look interesting. People in your classes, people you see chilling on the grass, people wherever you find them. University enables you to meet people from all walks of life, and in your case, from all over the world, which is a privilege. If nothing develops out of these random encounters, so be it. I met lots of people when I was at University. Most I don't see anymore, but 2 of the relationships that did stick are among my best friends today.

 

[Davey]

im sure if you go out you can meet people

Who do I go out with?

Hey don't feel so bad.

I have been at a big University for over 2 years now and haven't made one friend.

University I would say so far has been the worst time of my life.

I feel better to know that I'm not alone in this!

I know of people that had a blast at university, but cant even land a decent job now. my advice would be to focus on doing the best you can at your studies. maybe after finishing with uni you'll land a brilliant job and make friends then. Until then, there's always myBB to keep you company

Literally in the library now on YouTube and Mybb

Whats stopping you from making contact with them again? Do you live far from them? Have you lost their phone numbers, not on facebook/twitter/instagram/mxit/etc?

Nothing has stopped me, but I'm getting annoyed at empty promises! I ask them If they would like to meet up with a me and a couple of our other high school friends and then it never happens. A lot of them have just disappeared off the face of the earth, not even using Facebook etc... My pathetic blackberry crashed so that was that for my phonebook and all the numbers in it.

Maybe the small private university was a maistake. But whats wrong with hanging out with your school friends on weekends and stuff. At your current campus - go do you work etc, and weekends hang out with your school friends and their new university friends.

I do see my best friend twice a week or so (I'd die if I didn't to be honest), So that is my time that I can actually interact with someone!

Yes I do go to Monash, studying a BCom, and that's going well for me. On the Monash pamphlet it looks like they all have their **** together, when in reality it's the opposite. Like I said, I have never had a problem making friends, I'm not anti-social or anything but damn I'm finding it unpleasant right now!

 

[I.am.Sam]

how long are you there ?

move out next year ?

 

[patrick]

Personally it seems like you would be happier in a regular varsity. You'd save a fortune too. See if you can do the year and carry credits to another varsity. I loved varsity for so much more than just the courses. It really is worth going to.