Interracial dating in SA is easiest if you are a white male- thoughts?

Mrcricket

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Women are selectively clever ducks. I think most women realize that their sex appeal youth only last so long. In fact if you are looking for a wife or quality life partner and they tell you that they are in it for just love and doesn't care about money or success I would suggest to dump that person immediately.

Any female with that mentality that have no desire to push you to do better/be better is not a quality partner and will just drag you down over the years.

I find it hilarious when I meet friends whos wives dont put any pressure on them to do better and all they want is love bla bla bla. 10 years later these guys are worse off, no drive to do better/provide more. I think one of the most powerful features of women towards men is the potential explosion they put in our minds that would be a lot rarer if men did not want to impress women ie. Douche mentality some might refer to. This same douche mentality is created by women and long term is a great beneficial factor for men where they would otherwise have just been average throughout their life.

It is some sort of interesting mental gymnastics and I wouldn't have it any other way. :)



In my experience white South African women are very different though. Most will not even give a non-white guy a chance even if he is rich or good-looking, they seem to be incredibly loyal to their white male counterparts on par with Muslim women and more so than other racial groups in this country. Off course there are exceptions.

White European and American girls are different though, many of them who come here for extended stays actually prefer darker skinned guys. Most of the German girls I have seen here for extended visits prefer black guys.
 
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Mrcricket

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Studies of heterosexual mate selection in dozens of countries around the world have found men and women report prioritizing different traits when it comes to choosing a mate, with men tending to prefer women who are young and attractive and women tending to prefer men who are rich, well-educated, ambitious, and attractive
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy#Mating_preferences

What women really want – money: Research finds women look for well-paid job first in partner By DAVID GARDNER FOR MAILONLINE
Women may say they are looking for tights abs or a sense of humour in their man, but he had better have a healthy bank balance to go with it.
According to new research published yesterday in Germany, more women are using money as overriding criteria for choosing their partners.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheBluePill/comments/561z6e
***********************

Anyway, choose to believe that or not, I'm saying coloured women are the most likely to marry a guy from another race. It's like a white guy going to East Asia and drowning in asian poon, coloured women are too easy for you guys in SA, and I would say coloured men are at the bottom of the pile for marriage in SA. My 2 cents.


This also has to do with status. Colored women generally perform much better than their male counterparts at jobs, education. Women very rarely marry a guy who is lower social status than them so naturally, many successful colored women do gravitate towards men of other races.

However, I have seen the odd colored male who is the standout, hipser (successful at sports or academics) do very well among women of all races. They are often seen as exotic and to be fair, a lot of them have charisma.
 

f2wohf

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i would agree, most white okes are not, i dont personally know of a single guy that is/has been in a relationship.
So if the stats are true for the heading of this thread then i am very surprised :oops:

Most white South Africans that would be.

At least half of my expat friends in SA are/have been in IR relationships and I've been 2/3 of the time.
 

SadSap

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@newjourno that's the opposite of what I've found. If we're talking just interracial relationships, black and Indian women seem to prefer white men, although Indian female + black male I've seen quite often too. Coloured women seem to prefer black or indian men, or a white guy if he's foreign. White women almost always go for black guys, I've never personally seen WF+IM, and WF+CM a very few times.

As for your other post, it's not like that. Coloured women are the most desirable (i.e. attractive), so it's not that they're better employees than coloured men (they aren't), but that all the rich men are chasing after them.

There's no reason for Indian or black men in SA to feel bad about interracial relationships, they both do really well. Like I said, coloured women really love them. But I barely see coloured guys in IR relationships. Just my personal observations.
 

koeksGHT

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White European and American girls are different though, many of them who come here for extended stays actually prefer darker skinned guys. Most of the German girls I have seen here for extended visits prefer black guys.

Whats the difference between a tourist and a racist? About 2 weeks.

Call it racist then but some people don't want to breed with other ethnicities.
 

Mrcricket

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@newjourno that's the opposite of what I've found. If we're talking just interracial relationships, black and Indian women seem to prefer white men, although Indian female + black male I've seen quite often too. Coloured women seem to prefer black or indian men, or a white guy if he's foreign. White women almost always go for black guys, I've never personally seen WF+IM, and WF+CM a very few times.

As for your other post, it's not like that. Coloured women are the most desirable (i.e. attractive), so it's not that they're better employees than coloured men (they aren't), but that all the rich men are chasing after them.

There's no reason for Indian or black men in SA to feel bad about interracial relationships, they both do really well. Like I said, coloured women really love them. But I barely see coloured guys in IR relationships. Just my personal observations.


I agree with you somewhat. This is just my opinion, white foreign women definitely prefer black men but the local ones almost always stick to their own kind. One of my black friends from SA is living in the USA. He interacts with white SA women who are expats there but tells me that he almost never approaches them while he kills it with American white women for that reason. There are some that do date outside but they are not the norm. I have seen Indian male and WM a few times but in those cases, the woman is almost always of low social status or highly intellectual like PHD types and he is also an academic.

Indian women almost definitely prefer white men. This is very easily visible and I think most would prefer a white guy over an Indian guy if they had the opportunity to choose apart from Muslims. With regards to black women, I have found them to be a bit complex. The cosmopolitan middle-class type women who have mixed-raced circles are likely to prefer white men (I assume that these are the ones you have interacted with) but the ones who are not westernized are likely to stick to their own or if they do date out, prefer a colored or Indian man.
 
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Method

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I confused you with another member here and thought you were the one with an Indian partner.
I have dated an Indian before, but short lived. Not worth a mention so don't think I've ever said so here.
 

rh1

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Studies of heterosexual mate selection in dozens of countries around the world have found men and women report prioritizing different traits when it comes to choosing a mate, with men tending to prefer women who are young and attractive and women tending to prefer men who are rich, well-educated, ambitious, and attractive
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy#Mating_preferences

What women really want – money: Research finds women look for well-paid job first in partner By DAVID GARDNER FOR MAILONLINE
Women may say they are looking for tights abs or a sense of humour in their man, but he had better have a healthy bank balance to go with it.
According to new research published yesterday in Germany, more women are using money as overriding criteria for choosing their partners.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheBluePill/comments/561z6e
***********************

Anyway, choose to believe that or not, I'm saying coloured women are the most likely to marry a guy from another race. It's like a white guy going to East Asia and drowning in asian poon, coloured women are too easy for you guys in SA, and I would say coloured men are at the bottom of the pile for marriage in SA. My 2 cents.

If you coloured, have a job, and single you will drown in coloured "poon" as you called it. My ex-colleague had no problems getting coloured poon simply because he had the following;
His own house-
A job
And he is single.

Coloured females were all over him because of that. You probably still staying at home and now blaming other men for not being able to score with coloured chicks. I have seen a few men/ladies date across colour/racial lines but they are the minority. **** my wife started dating me when I had nothing, no money etc. But according you she was after my money.
 

chubster

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"White" men and South Africa is overlooking the uniqueness and history of South Africa.

As a white Afrikaans guy, dating interracially. Here are my hang ups/stigma. Firstly, when I approach a black woman, be it she is Xhosa, Zulu, Venda, Tswana, Pedi, Nigerian, Ugandan, Zimbabwean, Congolese, Namibian. You name it, they will automatically assume, that I am English speaking, and that I'm a not a local. This is the first problem and I'll tell you why. I'm an introvert, and the extrovert usually approaches the introvert. So in general, black women don't approach white Afrikaans men, because they automatically assume, that they (white Afrikaans men) are not interested. Can I blame them? No, considering the assumptions, hearsay etc, of what happened in South Africa, it is to be expected. Yes, white Afrikaans men, will have their own insecurities to deal with, depending on how much they have grown as a person. It is not easy, considering the only support is usually family and family is not making it easy, even though they swear they are not racists, they (their families) just have no idea how ignorant they are.

Johannesburg vs Cape Town, Johannesburg is very social in general. They are way more approachable to get to know someone socially without even having to date them.

Cape Town, is cliquey. Lets be honest about it, I'm born and bred from Cape Town, and the friends you had from a young age, is the friends you have in adult in Cape Town. It is really difficult to make new friends here. I often talk to Johannesburg folks moving to Cape Town to find out how difficult it is to make new friends. Then, reading articles of someone from Johannesburg who happens to be black and move to Cape Town and find it racist. My point of view is that I think Cape Town is plain old stuck up and cliquey compared to a places like Johannesburg. Durban on the other hand, it is half of Johannesburg and half of Cape Town in my experience.

Women, well, they are just women, if they have baggage or insecurities, then that is it. No matter what their ethnicity is. If you are seeing a confident woman, no matter what race/ethnicity she defines herself as, she will probably be open minded to dating you. You have to be secure in yourself too.

I felt like my options were limited to white women, because those that I have dated, be it they are from Pretoria or Cape Town, they had insecurities, and very critical of other women, which includes other ethnicities. To be fair, I also had my own issues I had to deal with. They are completely unaware of their own problems, and they only date white men, because the of that "feedback loop", They get validated by their constant critical thinking towards other women from men. Considering the life they grew up in, they come from dysfunctional families so never saw what a good family looks like. You really have to be a super patient and emotional intelligent person with them, which I am not. Is this limited to them, no, I find the same with other women, other ethnicities etc.

So I figured, if that is the case, then why hold myself only to white women. I wanted someone truly open minded, not just in dating but in general. So I found that they might be open to dating interracially, but they aren't my definition of open minded. They won't cross the culture barrier, you must adopt their culture and they are not willing to adopt yours. So I move on to the next.

I find that black women are very open to dating, even when I say, I don't have money. But lets face it, there are far more black woman in South Africa, purely based on, well, we are in Africa. Xhosa women, I find culturally have expectations that the man must be the provider (this is not exclusive to black women). But they often find themselves financially in difficult times so hence why they expect someone to be better off than them. I also tell them, that I'm not here to be their provider, I want an equal. So the relationship dissolves quite quickly, because our expectations don't match.

Dating interracially in Cape Town. In the Southern Suburbs, people won't stare, in the Northern Suburbs, people will will rubber neck out of their Toyota Fortuners to stare into your car. Yes, that is Cape Town. If you didn't know, the Northern Suburbs is where the Afrikaners live. Including me. Does it make them racist, no, they never get to see it, since they live in their own world. So I let them stare. I often find coloured men engages in catcalling, at night, depending on the area, for instance, if you had to stop to buy food in Voortrekker Road, you are going to get guys catcalling you, 200 meters away from the other side of the road. It is just the nature of the area. In my mind, it feels like they see her only as a prostitute, and could never consider that she is someone who is dating me, for me. Voortrekker is known for "flowers of the night"/prostitutes so I don't think twice about it.

Once you get used to all the stares, it will feel like you are on a stage parading all the time. Go to V&A Waterfront and you will disappear in the crowd and no one will notice you. Everyone will assume you are a tourist/foreigner and is used to seeing that everyday.

Dating coloured women, I find them similar to white and indian women (because they criticise other women, "catty", black women also do it, they just criticise everyone), depending on their family background, if the family is dysfunctional, unfortunate reality of South Africa. You are going to get someone who is very sensitive and triggered easily. And I'm like a bull in a China shop. Everybody has a different reaction. Some are violent, some are not. You get what appears to be a good family, but the person never had any confidence growing up, those are issues that they will have to deal with and not yours to take on.

I find, they expect me to adopt their culture 100%, semi interested in my culture adoption, but theirs will always be dominant. And I'm not a person of culture, I adopt what makes sense to me. They (any ethnicity) are people with insecurities, depending on how far they have grown as a person. Some fake it, I find the lawyer type in general, the personality type to be like that. These lawyers (yes, black women, good example is the black lawyer on Bachelor South Africa from Rustenburg) earn so much money, they are used to wearing the pants and make the decisions (call themselves strong women), they can't deal with 50/50 and that is what I'm searching for. They will also devalue you quickly if you can't match them financially. For them it is all about image and status. Again, they have to grow as a person and it is not me who is going to do that for them.

Depending on their age, if they are nearing their 30s, women might probably already have a child or 3. Didn't phase me, because I wanted kids myself, as long as our expectations matches.

As a white Afrikaans speaking guy, I find that, sometimes I have to sit and listen how they complain about Afrikaans people and it gets tiring. It is like they forget, that I am Afrikaans. I try to support them, but you can only do so much and be unbiased for so long. They are people just like you and me, and nobody is immune to being a racist or ignorant. If you can dissociate yourself and just support them in their conversation then it will go a long way in teach each other how to grow as a person.
 
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Method

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If you coloured, have a job, and single you will drown in coloured "poon" as you called it. My ex-colleague had no problems getting coloured poon simply because he had the following;
His own house-
A job
And he is single.

Coloured females were all over him because of that. You probably still staying at home and now blaming other men for not being able to score with coloured chicks. I have seen a few men/ladies date across colour/racial lines but they are the minority. **** my wife started dating me when I had nothing, no money etc. But according you she was after my money.
:ROFL::ROFL::ROFL:

An Indian friend of mine says the coloured girls are more fun when it comes to "pooning". He's still single just because he doesn't want an Indian wife that's boring.
 

Mrcricket

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:ROFL::ROFL::ROFL:

"White" men and South Africa is overlooking the uniqueness and history of South Africa.

As a white Afrikaans guy, dating interracially. Here are my hang ups/stigma. Firstly, when I approach a black woman, be it she is Xhosa, Zulu, Venda, Tswana, Pedi, Nigerian, Ugandan, Zimbabwean, Congolese, Namibian. You name it, they will automatically assume, that I am English speaking, and that I'm a not a local. This is the first problem and I'll tell you why. I'm an introvert, and the extrovert usually approaches the introvert. So in general, black women don't approach white Afrikaans men, because they automatically assume, that they (white Afrikaans men) are not interested. Can I blame them? No, considering the assumptions, hearsay etc, of what happened in South Africa, it is to be expected. Yes, white Afrikaans men, will have their own insecurities to deal with, depending on how much they have grown as a person. It is not easy, considering the only support is usually family and family is not making it easy, even though they swear they are not racists, they (their families) just have no idea how ignorant they are.

Good summary but did you not notice the trophy man thing when dating Indian women? There was actually a meme which went viral on this a couple of months ago. It said, ''You have not met someone who thinks they made i in life until you meet an Indian woman dating a white guy''.
 

Mrcricket

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Good summary but did you not notice the trophy man thing when dating Indian women? There was actually a meme which went viral on this a couple of months ago. It said, ''You have not met someone who thinks they made i in life until you meet an Indian woman dating a white guy''.

(Sorry, I made a mistake on the formatting of my last post.
 

chubster

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I would say the same of any other ethnicity, where image is too important, I guess it is a self esteem issue, from my point of view. I did date a Tshwane woman that did the same to me. I went to her family's home (North from Pretoria) where I was paraded like a trophy husband. The neighbourhood was extremely happy and eager for me to join them and be a part of the community. I felt very humble by the experience, but that's just not me, I'm not a very social person, also my own issues that I have to learn to deal with. I parted and the next few months, she married an American, moved her child to the USA. She was working in that time in KwaZulu-Natal, but I don't think that had anything to do with it. I wish her the best. I felt like she was very image orientated (calm as a duck, but the legs are moving rapidly), Enneagram Type 3 comes to mind. I hope she is happy, and good for her.
 

Mrcricket

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I would say the same of any other ethnicity, where image is too important, I guess it is a self esteem issue, from my point of view. I did date a Tshwane woman that did the same to me. I went to her family's home (North from Pretoria) where I was paraded like a trophy husband. The neighbourhood was extremely happy and eager for me to join them and be a part of the community. I felt very humble by the experience, but that's just not me, I'm not a very social person, also my own issues that I have to learn to deal with. I parted and the next few months, she married an American, moved her child to the USA. She was working in that time in KwaZulu-Natal, but I don't think that had anything to do with it. I wish her the best. I felt like she was very image orientated (calm as a duck, but the legs are moving rapidly), Enneagram Type 3 comes to mind. I hope she is happy, and good for her.


Yes, but one thing I realized is that the ''trophy husband'' thing really only seems to be applicable to white men. If an Indian or black man dates a white lady for example, he will usually be viewed negatively from the outset and will have to work hard to prove that he is a good guy. This even happens if a black guy dates an Indian women. The family will be skeptical at first whereas if it were a white guy, they will be positive from the start.
 

chubster

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Yes, but one thing I realized is that the ''trophy husband'' thing really only seems to be applicable to white men. If an Indian or black man dates a white lady for example, he will usually be viewed negatively from the outset and will have to work hard to prove that he is a good guy. This even happens if a black guy dates an Indian women. The family will be skeptical at first whereas if it were a white guy, they will be positive from the start.

My perspective is, the family is just grateful she is happy. But you could have a point. It's also not something I asked for or would like to experience. It only happened to me once. My own personal experience says it is not the norm, because of a relationship from my past. A father was very skeptic, while the mother was polite. From what I heard, he expected more of me "because I am white and should have made something of myself, because I had all the opportunities to do so". Do with that what you will.

I think if the families are well off, they have higher expectations, and I'm just an Average Joe. White skin doesn't buy me status automatically. However, I would say, one of my coloured neighbours tried to get my to date her daughter and they had such high expectations of me. I could do no wrong and was perfect in their eyes. Until I told the mother, I'm not a provider as you think.

Just because I am white, doesn't mean I have money, or that my family has money. I have no British Ancestry and I can't claim anything. It was something they struggled to understand. I see something similar with my coloured colleague. In her mind, all white people had it good. Some people are not making an effort to know people in this country. They have their assumptions and that is good enough for them.

I did encounter some form of racism in Durban in public. But I would also like to say, that I wasn't there to first hand notice the offence. Only to join later and see the argument in public. I think she was a woman that wasn't afraid of conflict and too headstrong for me. Just be careful of women who invite drama. (who happens to be the same woman who made me feel like a trophy husband). Hence why I quickly checked out of that particular relationship.

To answer your question, is it an Indian thing? I met an Indian woman on a business class SAA flight (I was upgraded for some reason) to Cape Town in 2007, who was married to an English guy. And she was so happy to share her experience with me. That changed my life and it opened my eyes. Do I see it as her talking about him like a trophy husband, no.

If we are judging others, then we need to take a look at ourselves, and find and understand our own insecurities. People need to start living their own lives. Stop pleasing other people. That is what I learned over the years.
 
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