Inviting people over to your house....

[noxibox]

*platonic

A plutonic relationship sounds like some kind of weird geological fetish.

Or perhaps something involving a yellow dog.

 

[CamiKaze]

I wait for them to invite themselves and decide whether I want to have them over or not.

 

[Mortymoose]

I fekkin' hate it when people just rock up at my house uninvited... I can be really rude and unpleasant company when such incidents occur...

I am a really direct bastard at times, hate time wasting.If we are braaing together at my house and I have had my fill and wanted to sleep, it will not be uncommon for me to use the words, "best you **** off now, I'm going to bed" ... I have even turned the lights off and shut the doors leaving people standing at the braai, utterly astonished at how rude I can be....

 

[CamiKaze]

I fekkin' hate it when people just rock up at my house uninvited... I can be really rude and unpleasant company when such incidents occur...

I am a really direct bastard at times, hate time wasting.If we are braaing together at my house and I have had my fill and wanted to sleep, it will not be uncommon for me to use the words, "best you **** off now, I'm going to bed" ... I have even turned the lights off and shut the doors leaving people standing at the braai, utterly astonished at how rude I can be....

And do you have the same attitude when you invite people? or is this what is expected of you when people come unannounced?

 

[Good.Fellow]

OP reminds me of Gatsby's social ineptness. Sincere but incredibly naive all at once.

Thank you, but also explain.

 

[Good.Fellow]

Cape Town has its own set of rules, many of which are still a mystery to me.

If you invited people over and they had fun... do it again. Don't have expectations about them inviting you over, could be that their home situation is different and they can't have people over as easily.

Yes, I'm going to apply this from now on. They could be embarrassed about their home.

 

[rubytox]

Thank you, but also explain.

You mean you haven't read the book? Gatsby is all over the internet and it's available on DVD ...

 

[Rocket Raccoon]

Thank you, but also explain.

Philistine!

 

[azbob]

Philistine!

Please don't bring the Middle East into this thread.

 

[DJ...]

Actually this thread could do with a killadoob opinion...

 

[Good.Fellow]

You mean you haven't read the book? Gatsby is all over the internet and it's available on DVD ...

I know the book, i mean how it applies to me, that escapes me.

 

[rubytox]

I know the book, i mean how it applies to me, that escapes me.

Gatsby was a courteous gentleman with the best intentions. He just wanted to have rowdy parties at his new home and then watch from afar to ensure that his guests enjoy a good time. Despite his gentlemanly manners, he misinterpreted social cues because he did not understand the culture of the people in the East. One example that stands out is where the horse riders invited him for a ride but it was a superficial gesture, something the old money crowd understood while the new money crowd were clueless. Gatsby told the riders to wait while he quickly changes into appropriate attire. He was oblivious of the insincerity of the invitation.
In this context, Cape Town culture compared to Gauteng culture jumps to mind. I have lived in Gauteng and in Cape town and find that Capetonians are groups of closed communities. People will exchange telephone numbers and talk about getting together in the near future. When you, as the outsider, dial the number given to you, you will most likely find a cold shoulder and further promises of let's get together but absolutely no action. There are exceptions but generally Capetonians keep their small communities private and impenetrable. It takes a long time to win the trust of the people.

So, in a nutshell I find your gesture sincere. You obviously enjoyed the visit and you would like to form some kind of bond with some of the locals. At the same time I find it a tad naive because you are clearly unsure about the Capetonian social rules, hence you ask a bunch of forum members to give some guidance. Your sincere desire to strike a long lasting friendship is what reminds me of Gatsby.

A slightly more mature approach would be to let things be, at least for a while. Of course you stay in touch but for heavens sake, do not stalk you friend-to-be. Give the other person a chance to invite you. An immediate follow up may come across as desperation and your friend-to-be may head for the hills. Some people are strange that way. If you do not receive an invite in the next couple of weeks, then you could send another invitation.

There's no hurry in building a friendship brick by brick or gesture by gesture. It's a slow process. In Afrikaans we say: "moenie die perske pap druk voor dit ryp is nie". A rough translation is that you shouldn't squeeze the peach repeatedly before it ripens because the peach will go bad.

I don't mean to be belligerent or insulting. Naivete can be a beautiful thing because it speaks of a pure and innocent mind. Unfortunately a predator will not miss out on an opportunity to rob you of your innocence by exploiting your naivety.

 

[Picard]

I give no fsks,invite again...

Same here.

Maybe they don't have the facilities to accommodate a party. I'm not going to hold that against them.

 

[chrisc]

We tend to see the same group of about 20 friends on a rotational basis. Some every 2 weeks, some once a year. I don't think there is any hard and fast rule

One thing I have learned living in Montagu. Social norms are far more open and forthcoming than in Cape Town. People just seem easier to get on and reciprocate more readily. When you drive past someone you know, you slow down and greet them, not put your foot down and give a passing wave

 

[Picard]

I've got an awesome circle of friends. We've made a standing agreement to get together on every second Thursday evening at 19:30 to about 22:00. Of course if you can't make ... you can't make ... we understand. Less regularly we'll get together for a braai over a weekend. And every couple of months we'll do something bigger like go camping or some such. We are about 6 couples and about 4/5 singles (I'm one of the singles).

 

[Grant]

To my mind, one invites family or fiends over for the sake of their company, not in the expectation of a reciprocal invite - thats just me tho.

 

[Picard]

To my mind, one invites family or fiends over for the sake of their company, not in the expectation of a reciprocal invite - thats just me tho.

No, it's not just you.

 

[Shake&Bake]

To my mind, one invites family or fiends over for the sake of their company, not in the expectation of a reciprocal invite - thats just me tho.

That's how I roll.

Actually I don't spend much time at my home.

I'm always on the road visiting people - not uninvited though.

Funny how there's quite a few friends always bitching why I don't come around.
Funny how they never do

But to answer OP: Who gives a fsck?!

 

[Good.Fellow]

Gatsby was a courteous gentleman with the best intentions. He just wanted to have rowdy parties at his new home and then watch from afar to ensure that his guests enjoy a good time. Despite his gentlemanly manners, he misinterpreted social cues because he did not understand the culture of the people in the East. One example that stands out is where the horse riders invited him for a ride but it was a superficial gesture, something the old money crowd understood while the new money crowd were clueless. Gatsby told the riders to wait while he quickly changes into appropriate attire. He was oblivious of the insincerity of the invitation.
In this context, Cape Town culture compared to Gauteng culture jumps to mind. I have lived in Gauteng and in Cape town and find that Capetonians are groups of closed communities. People will exchange telephone numbers and talk about getting together in the near future. When you, as the outsider, dial the number given to you, you will most likely find a cold shoulder and further promises of let's get together but absolutely no action. There are exceptions but generally Capetonians keep their small communities private and impenetrable. It takes a long time to win the trust of the people.

So, in a nutshell I find your gesture sincere. You obviously enjoyed the visit and you would like to form some kind of bond with some of the locals. At the same time I find it a tad naive because you are clearly unsure about the Capetonian social rules, hence you ask a bunch of forum members to give some guidance. Your sincere desire to strike a long lasting friendship is what reminds me of Gatsby.

A slightly more mature approach would be to let things be, at least for a while. Of course you stay in touch but for heavens sake, do not stalk you friend-to-be. Give the other person a chance to invite you. An immediate follow up may come across as desperation and your friend-to-be may head for the hills. Some people are strange that way. If you do not receive an invite in the next couple of weeks, then you could send another invitation.

There's no hurry in building a friendship brick by brick or gesture by gesture. It's a slow process. In Afrikaans we say: "moenie die perske pap druk voor dit ryp is nie". A rough translation is that you shouldn't squeeze the peach repeatedly before it ripens because the peach will go bad.

I don't mean to be belligerent or insulting. Naivete can be a beautiful thing because it speaks of a pure and innocent mind. Unfortunately a predator will not miss out on an opportunity to rob you of your innocence by exploiting your naivety.

That's actually great advice. Thanks!

 

[zippy]

Lol. Are there really so many socially inept people out there?

Almost expecting someone to ask. "I need to take a pee, should I stand, sit or squat "