I can't believe how brave you guys are to share stories like this. I've had my share of dark days, including suicidal thoughts, but never anything quite like this.
@Binary Bark
So, I'll add a disclaimer that I'd never recommend anyone try shrooms without doing their own research first. but I think shrooms have been positive for me. I have had one or two shroom trips and microdosed a fair bit. It helps me. I guess it changes how you think about yourself. You stop thinking that everything is about you.
Another FANTASTIC thing that helps me is hypnotherapy recordings. So, you can see trained hypnotherapists, which I have done, but personally I didn't think I got that much out of it. But, I do think that hypnotherapy recordings of various kinds can help enormously.
Look up Michael Sealey on YouTube - he is amazing! You can either sit in a comfortable chair while listening to his recordings, or drift off for a nap while listening. For some of them, you need to be a little more conscious, so a chair is advised. Another good one is Rick Smith, although I prefer Michael Sealey.
You can also do... a kind of self hypnotherapy, which is where you combine meditation and positive affirmations. You meditate, take yourself deeper, and then repeat positive affirmations to yourself.
So, what have I noticed from the above?
Two stories.
One day last year August, I had taken a day of leave because I had to go somewhere for a party. Was traveling by train (UK). I took a microdose of shrooms, 0.5g. I don't know why, but I started feeling really down. Extremely negative and down, happened very suddenly. Can happen on shrooms, because they do intensify emotion. Anyway, I sat down to do my self hypnotherapy thing. No recording, just counted down from 10 to 1, while imaging myself going downstairs, ending up underwater. I put all of the things I was worried about into a ball of light and watched it float away.
In my 35 years of life, I have never had a day that good. It started out bad, but I have never had such a consistently positive mood ever. It lasted for 16 hours, until I went to sleep. It was amazing. A mixture of euphoria and confidence that is hard to describe. I tried to repeat the exercise, and never got quite the same results. But this does make me realise I should try again. It was such an amazing feeling, I can't explain it.
Second story, may seem odd, was when I went to a wedding last year and danced at the wedding.
Previously, whenever I've danced, I've been very wooden. You know, plodding along, wondering what other people are thinking about me. But at this wedding last year (no shrooms, and only a bit of alcohol), it was like I didn't care anymore. I have never, ever, ever danced like that, no matter how much alcohol I have consumed.
I think that was due to hypnotherapy helping to release some of my worries about what other people think about me.