Mental health. Tips and coping mechanisms

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|tera|

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So, you want to share your troubles and problems on a public forum as well as personal details about your struggles, family, drug abuse and suicide attempts. But nobody's allowed to say anything about you that doesn't suit your narrative ,or makes you feel uncomfortable because you feel offended. Got it.

Hope that works out well for you. You feeling judged is your own $h1t.
Look in the mirror sometime.
I have nothing further to say to you.
 

Madhawk

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OP, how do you manage at work?

Do you interact with a lot of work colleagues/clients?
 
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Gozado

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I know a lot more about you than you think, having a bipolar mother myself and and being treated for it at one stage myself due to drug abuse. Help advice doesn't always come in the form of empathy or sympathy and the truth is not always nice to hear. I wish you the best.
You're right that advice doesn't always come in the form of empathy or sympathy, however those are very helpful basic emotions to know, as a starting point from which to speak.

I find this a pernicious aspect of mental illness: although a diagnosis can be common to two people, it is still merely an approximation, so that each person experiences things in their own way. After all, even a broken leg, a disc hernia, toothache or diminished hearing are not the same across all the patients who have those problems.

You (like all of us) know primarily about yourself (ourselves), in your experience of having a bipolar mother (which I presume must result in a lot of stress) and from your own experience of your symptoms and treatment. From that position, you can, at best, extrapolate and hazard a guess how things might be for OP, but you cannot really know a lot about OP. It just cannot be so. OP has his/her particular and personal experiences with dealing with his/her issues.



The topic of the thread, and the opening post, was about what could help. So, I'd like to go back to that topic.

I'm not for a moment saying that the following suggestions of trivial tasks will "fix" a serious mental illness, nor help you "get over it" or "shake it off". That would be disrespectful (and nonsense). No, I simply mean that achieving something can help to feel that your day wasn't for nothing, that you actually did something enjoyable or useful. By making the tasks small and manageable, you set yourself up for success, not for failure.
  • Dance, alone at home, for just one song on the radio.
  • If one can muster the energy, invite someone over and see whether you can manage too cook something for them. Warn them that you might not manage and you might have only packet soup and stale bread available, on the day.
  • Clean. As long as you don't obsess, it really can make one feel better to know that the toilet is clean, and that you accomplished that. It doesn't take ages to get a good result. Similar small, quick, but effective activities are, for example, take out the rubbish, replace worn shoe-laces, sew on a button, clip your toe-nails and finger-nails, wash the dustpan and little broom, pack away your clothes, change your pillow-cases, clean the hand-basin.
  • Whatever your job or daily responsibilities involve, pause a few times during the day and look back, commending yourself on what you have successfully done (or begun).
  • If you go out, try to make someone else's day better, in some small way, like a friendly comment at the till. You might find someone smiles back at you.
 
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|tera|

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OP, how do you manage at work?

Do interact with a lot of work colleagues/clients?
I've been part of a large company in excess of 300 people.
I work very well with people.
I started as a techie and worked my way up to Sys/Network Admin and then I became a Junior IT Manager at the same company. That was the highest title career-wise I have achieved.

I was employed at said employer for almost 10 years.

I also briefly worked for an ISP, but the position didn't suit me at the time.
I've worked in retail as well doing tech support, so I'm great with strangers too.

Through suicide attempts and subsequently losing everything I had with the scars to prove it, I managed to join a drug rehab through assistance from family. It was appalling and to make matters worse, I didn't consume drugs during any period of that time.
I was 33 years old and the previous time I partook of anything was in my early 20's.

The rehab stay was to scare me into not attempting suicide again. That didn't work.

I am currently unemployed and live on property of family with food and lodging expenses covered.

My previous role before moving was Sys Admin for a Media Production Company.
Due to the company reducing salaries beyond any liveable means possible, my family contacted me and requested that I resign and move to their property. We would work out work arrangements and any form of payment out in future, but it never happened.

I have a one bedroom place with no ceiling. Excessive heat and a problem with bugs and lizards that occupy everything.

I haven't had any income or money for more than 6 months at this stage.
I can't even afford toilet cleaner.

Everything I have, I have to request.
Sometime I get flack for it.
My entire place is built like a box with tall walls around it and spikes on it.
So I effectively live in jail.

I don't have transport because my motorcycle was stolen in 2019. I had to cancel my insurance due to the cut salary of that time. Once cancelled it was stolen.

I am preparing for an important interview and spent way too much time on the forum today. I am tired. I'm suffering and that's the reason I zone out withi weed.

It shouldn't be a problem for me to stop it. I've stopped before and had no urge to smoke it again.
You're right that advice doesn't always come in the form of empathy or sympathy, however those are very helpful basic emotions to know, as a starting point from which to speak.

I find this a pernicious aspect of mental illness: although a diagnosis can be common to two people, it is still merely an approximation, so that each person experiences things in their own way. After all, even a broken leg, a disc hernia, toothache or diminished hearing are not the same across all the patients who have those problems.

You (like all of us) know primarily about yourself (ourselves), in your experience of having a bipolar mother (which I presume must result in a lot of stress) and from your own experience of your symptoms and treatment. From that position, you can, at best, extrapolate and hazard a guess how things might be for OP, but you cannot really know a lot about OP. It just cannot be so. OP has his/her particular and personal experiences with dealing with his/her issues.

The topic of the thread, and the opening post, was about what could help. So, I'd like to go back to that topic.

I'm not for a moment saying that the following suggestions of trivial tasks will "fix" a serious mental illness, nor help you "get over it" or "shake it off". That would be disrespectful (and nonsense). No, I simply mean that achieving something can help to feel that your day wasn't for nothing, that you actually did something enjoyable or useful. By making the tasks small and manageable, you set yourself up for success, not for failure.
  • Dance, alone at home, for just one song on the radio.
  • If one can muster the energy, invite someone over and see whether you can manage too cook something for them. Warn them that you might not manage and you might have only packet soup and stale bread available, on the day.
  • Clean. As long as you don't obsess, it really can make one feel better to know that the toilet is clean, and that you accomplished that. It doesn't take ages to get a good result. Similar small, quick, but effective activities are, for example, take out the rubbish, replace worn shoe-laces, sew on a button, clip your toe-nails and finger-nails, wash the dustpan and little broom, pack away your clothes, change your pillow-cases, clean the hand-basin.
  • Whatever your job or daily responsibilities involve, pause a few times during the day and look back, commending yourself on what you have successfully done (or begun).
  • If you go out, try to make someone else's day better, in some small way, like a friendly comment at the till. You might find someone smiles back at you.
Good advice and I do most of those things continually.

I'm not a fan of sweeping though. I'll sweep when I mess something.
Someone usually sweeps and mops the place every few days.

Edit: @Madhawk
Since I had so many people to support and so many superiors for many years, I started treating most people as clients. Not for my own financial gain, but to be professional, understanding, helpful and courteous.
You can't be rude in a setting like I was in. It was a multimillion R company. Large figures per month. Everyone, including clients were treated with utmost respect and care.
 
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Gozado

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I am preparing for an important interview and spent way too much time on the forum today. I am tired. I'm suffering and that's the reason I zone out withi weed.
Hey, I hope it goes well tomorrow. Perhaps no more weed tonight? Try to breathe.

If you can, draw some small comfort from knowing that there are people out here who - although we're not actually contributing to solving your financial strain - will be interested in hearing about the outcome, tomorrow.

Hope you can sleep well! Goodnight.
 

|tera|

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Hey, I hope it goes well tomorrow. Perhaps no more weed tonight? Try to breathe.

If you can, draw some small comfort from knowing that there are people out here who - although we're not actually contributing to solving your financial strain - will be interested in hearing about the outcome, tomorrow.

Hope you can sleep well! Goodnight.
Thank you kindly.
I don't have it tomorrow though.
Sometime next week if schedules match.
It's a WFH job. Which would be perfect for me to get on my feet. The employer is based (among other countries) in CT and I might have the fortunate possibility to relocate in future.
My life would change 360 degrees.

Edit: for the record. It's not fun for me to be here and being so open and transparent about parts of my life.
I'm doing it with the goal to help someone else out. To give anyone hope in the fact that anything can be achieved.

I don't come from a wealthy background, and yet I made something of myself.
I'm not spending days idling doing nothing. I work on various hobbies and learn areas I'm interested in. Most days.
Anyway. Hope anyone with issues similar to mine will find some comfort.
 
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TribbleZA

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Thank you kindly.
I don't have it tomorrow though.
Sometime next week if schedules match.
It's a WFH job. Which would be perfect for me to get on my feet. The employer is based (among other countries) in CT and I might have the fortunate possibility to relocate in future.
My life would change 360 degrees.

Edit: for the record. It's not fun for me to be here and being so open and transparent about parts of my life.
I'm doing it with the goal to help someone else out. To give anyone hope in the fact that anything can be achieved.

I don't come from a wealthy background, and yet I made something of myself.
I'm not spending days idling doing nothing. I work on various hobbies and learn areas I'm interested in. Most days.
Anyway. Hope anyone with issues similar to mine will find some comfort.
Good luck with the interview.

Just one little thing I want to highlight about the posts above. You probably already know this though. People can be cruel and hurtful. But know that generally, that is because of them, and not because of you. They are possibly struggling with understanding what is happening to you. And it can be hard for them to see someone who was so competent and together feel broken and lost. Older people will be worried about how it makes them look to others and wonder if others are going to think they did something wrong. You cannot let the way they treat you affect your own self image. While your situation may not be great - you have a roof over your head and food and someone to clean for you. If you let this affect your image of yourself, you become a victim. And victims don't easy find employment. Even if you fake it = you need to walk into that interview showing confidence and style. You are good at what you do and you need to believe in yourself.
good luck
 
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saor

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Something that helps me is to create visible reminders of ideas I think are important. Because I can be two kinds of people:

The idealist best version of myself who feels like things are all figured out, and
The 1pm where's my lunch irritated with the world version of myself.

The idealist mode is when certain ideas about how to live and be in the world rise to the top and it's often tricky keeping those ideas in mind throughout the next day; our intentions wax & wane...and become kinda pointless if they're not guiding us through the tough times. This is why I've never been impressed with monks cloistered away from the world, because the test of one's ideas and philosophies is in the living; in coming up against harsh reality and testing the sustaining power of what we believe when we're our best selves.

So it helps me to take an idea I believe is important, and to draw a simple shape on my arm that reminds me of that idea. Or set a random reminder on your phone to pop the idea up. Or something. But I prefer a symbol, because throughout the day I can look at it and remind myself of what it represents, and then try to 'invoke' it when I'm going through a tough time.
 

TribbleZA

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Nope. He looks a bit depro to me TBH.

:p

Just joking. I'll check him out on YouTube. Thank you.

He has been through hell lately. He is good but evaluates everything he says for yourself.


Apart from Mark Manson - I found this guy today and really like the advice he gives - even if you are not into drawing
 

LetsDance

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I had a suicide obsession develop late in my late teens after I attempted suicide which came on without warning. I was not even consciously thinking of it, I was like outside of my body and then I was looking for one of my parents guns. I did not find it thankfully and use pills instead which just put me in an ICU. That was the most dangerous of my suicide attempts because it happened with no forewarning as it were. I got over the obsession, but they do surface when stressors are high.

So the point of my history is this, don't ignore depression because one day BAM , and thats it.
 
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Gozado

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Thank you kindly.
I don't have it tomorrow though.
Sometime next week if schedules match.
Hi tera,
How are you? Did you get the appointment for the interview? If so, I hope it helped to open a door.
 

|tera|

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Hi tera,
How are you? Did you get the appointment for the interview? If so, I hope it helped to open a door.
Thanks :)

I studied for weeks and had an awful day that day.
From I awoke to just before I had it I was bombarded with noise and irritation.
I can't say how it went TBH. Will only know when I receive feedback and any follow up interviews.

My mind locked up in the interview. I was frustrated and messed up with certain basic questions.

I'm hoping for the best. I know I'm more than capable of doing the work.
Life just decided to fk me over.

Got a nice shoulder pain from last night and when I move I've got sharp heart pains.
I couldn't care to seek medical atention.

If I die right now that will mercy.
 

Gozado

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Right now, and about your pain:
I get it that it can seem like if you died right now, that would be a mercy. However, heart attacks (if, indeed, your pain is about coronary disease) don't always kill. They sometimes do damage, so that one carries on living, but life comes with more restrictions than before. Therefore, please, this is not something to be played around with. If you can afford it, get medical attention. Ideally, don't drive there, but ask someone to take you.

Besides heart disease, sometimes stress and panic can cause symptoms that look and feel very similar to a heart (physical) matter. Then, it can feel like everything is burning and breaking, and those symptoms are real, too. If they are caused by stress and worry, then they can, in the best case, be diminished by whatever helps to calm one down and feel better. For example: listening to music you know and like, taking a slow shower (not too hot), spending a bit of extra time grooming your feet and hands (brushing hard skin, clipping nails, massaging, possibly applying lotion or cream), washing and brushing your hair or beard, slowly. These suggestions are all of things that are self-affirming and, in particular, they are slow. Try to breathe slowly, too, with your eye on the clock if need be, or by counting slowly.
 
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