STS - your assumption is that homosexuality is only for the bedroom.
I am sure Mr Ant would like to live his life in a normal homosexual manner be it sexual or general lifestyle choices.
Living an open life with your children is key to a good relationship.
you assume that i think it ends there

but my question at the time was more around circumstances and the way they were planning their lives. mrs_ant_man has messaged me and explained the situation better, and i understand what a hard talk it will be, and how necessary it is now. my original message was meant with good intentions because i didn't want them to feel like it deserves a talk because it's unnatural, it is love and i didn't want them to make a big deal about it. i've had my opinion changed via PM now.
other things like BDSM also aren't simply confined to the bedroom - human social lives and sexuality are complicated. just as i need to explain to my son why Bob and Fred are holding hands, i'll also need to explain to my son why Susie has bite marks on her neck or why grandpa has a girlfriend 20 years younger than him. these things have a way of not staying in the bedroom

luckily my deviancy will never play a role in my son's life, and i'll do my best to keep it from him not out of fear and lies, but because it's separate to his life and my role in his life
my wife and i bring our partners over on weekends - something i was very VERY hesitant to do because i worried how my son would see it and if he would struggle to understand, but after taking that first step and allowing it once, grinding my teeth and panicking the entire evening, my son enjoyed it. all he saw was an awesome uncle to play games with and someone extra to hug. and since bringing our partners over, i've noticed that he's less shy around adults. i obviously still have rules and things i don't want to expose him to, but i want to expose him to love and happy people.