For the sake of posterity, I feel compelled to give a bit of feedback regarding how this whole palava panned out.
I ended up enlisting the services of an attorney to the tune of around R8000. I feel like I might have overpaid, but the guy was pretty sharp.
According to this well dressed fellow, it's not possible to get a criminal record for an appearance such as this. This would be because the summons was issued from traffic court(?), and no finger prints have been taken (you can't have a criminal record if your prints arent in the system).
In my situation, since the actual summons was eventually delivered to a flat that I had moved out of a few months prior (after notifying the traffic authorities of said movement), I was theorising that the whole thing could be thrown out due to the summons not being properly served.
This would have apparently been what they colloquially call a "bad move", as it would just result in me being arrested either way. The arrest could then be contested in court, but it would just be more headaches.
The whole process involved me rocking up the Cape Town magistrates court in the morning, listening to all of the thrilling tales of the other perpetrators and then taking the stand. I was advised to plead guilty, after which the court wanted to hear reasons why my licence should not be suspended. At this point I mentioned all of the negative impacts not having my own transport would have personally and professionally, before the judge finally sentenced.
Ended up with a R3000 fine on top of the legal fees, no criminal record, and the whole day ahead of me.
This was an expensive mistake and would strongly advise against it. 2/10.