"Okay, but who is the female"

[Zewp]

Do you know how many times I've been asked this question in the past two months that I've been in a relationship?

It seems many straight people, even liberal ones, simply cannot wrap their head around the idea of a relationship existing without a female in it. Even some of my friends who I would normally consider intelligent cannot seem to understand this. This past weekend they asked which one of us they should call 'him' and which one 'her.' When I said that we're both guys and thus both 'him', they said that that makes no sense. I was dumbstruck, because I was the one thinking their logic makes no sense at all.

I don't think most people mean it offensively, but it is actually rather offensive because there's this unspoken idea that a relationship cannot exist without a 'female' in it. If there was a female in my relationship, I would be straight. I really don't understand it. The entire point of a gay relationship is that it involves two men, so why is it so difficult to understand that it's a relationship between two men, in terms of the 'roles' played in it?

I've never heard someone ask the same thing of a lesbian couple, so why does the question come up so often when gay couples are discussed? I swear, I'm so tired of being asked this question by now that I really want to rip out my hair whenever someone asks me.

 

[ShaunSA]

Must admit I have never had the same issue.

Have you guys tried not flapping your hands a lot?

 

[roadcat]

It makes sense in our world to have a male and female, so I it is probably part of the acceptance process. If we can see a male/"female" relationship it makes it more acceptable to some I suppose.

Part of the human brain wants everything to be in order. So it goes, he's the male, he's the female - sorted

I must admit never thought of it the way you describe, that it can be offensive. Good to know.

 

[AstroTurf]

They just curious about the sex.

 

[Electric]

Must admit I have never had the same issue.

Have you guys tried not flapping your hands a lot?

Jazz hands will ruin the lot of you.

It seems people cannot deal with homosexuality even when they say they do.
I have never asked any of my close gay friends who the female is.

 

[supersunbird]

I've never heard someone ask the same thing of a lesbian couple

I have. But strangely never had it occur about a gay couple.

I guess it can become a minefield of the correct terminology to use in the whole LBGT (theres a longer acronym I cant even attempt to recall correctly) field.

 

[Sherbang]

Stop avoiding the question and just tell us!

 

[Dovi]

I've always interpreted that question as the same as asking who wears the pants in the relationship, i.e.who's the more dominant partner. Would you have felt differently if they asked it that way instead?

 

[USZA]

It's just heterosexuals fashioning same-sex relationships after their own.

First you should pity them. Then you should educate them.

 

[genetic]

They just curious about the sex.

This.

 

[Rocket Raccoon]

Stop avoiding the question and just tell us!

 

[Baxteen]

I have never asked the question, because I don't think it is important.

I have had it answered by action though, and I know this might seem offensive but hear me out.

some people might ask who is the girl in the relationship, more in a sense of who fafs with hair and who does grocery shopping. (yes I realize how offensive that sounds)

some people just want to know who to blame when the couple is late for the movie, or who to not drive with, because we are all dips*ts in some way or another.


side note if what i said offended anyone, that was an example of how I am a dipsh*t

 

[Rocket-Boy]

Maybe they are asking in a slightly more PC way as to who gives and who takes?

 

[Ninja'd]

/inb4 Nicci's "Jesus Christ another gay thread"

 

[letslogic.com]

 

[USZA]

Maybe they are asking in a slightly more PC way as to who gives and who takes?

But for all we know, in a heterosexual relationship, it's more women on top nowadays, yet we don't go around asking who gives and who takes.

Hell, I saw two vagrants going at it, the woman on top, riding him like I don't know what; she just nonchalantly got off when she was done - the guy was just laying there. So who gave and who took in that situation?

 

[ShaunSA]

But for all we know, in a heterosexual relationship, it's more women on top nowadays, yet we don't go around asking who gives and who takes.

Hell, I saw two vagrants going at it, the woman on top, riding him like I don't know what; she just nonchalantly got off when she was done - the guy was just laying there. So who gave and who took in that situation?

A vagrant voyeur

/strikes VernD off the xmas card list

 

[Rocket-Boy]

But for all we know, in a heterosexual relationship, it's more women on top nowadays, yet we don't go around asking who gives and who takes.

Hell, I saw two vagrants going at it, the woman on top, riding him like I don't know what; she just nonchalantly got off when she was done - the guy was just laying there. So who gave and who took in that situation?

And you didnt cheer afterwards?
I dont see how it matters either way. Most gay couples I know have one partner that is pretty effeminate.
Then again I know some that you wouldnt know are gay.

 

[genetic]

/inb4 Nicci's "Jesus Christ another gay thread"

It beats her typical facebook reposts...

 

[Rocket Raccoon]

Hell, I saw two vagrants going at it, the woman on top, riding him like I don't know what; she just nonchalantly got off when she was done - the guy was just laying there. So who gave and who took in that situation?

Bobbejaan klim die bergie?