- Feb 3, 2014
I do indeed. And I agree with you. There will always be the exceptions but on the whole we pretty much meet this mold. These days we really do have to be careful what we say. That is why I say words are important to me. I learnt from playing with my brother the damage they can do. So if I am to argue - I choose my words very carefully to try and convey exactly what I want to say and try and not leave any room for misinterpretation. But I am usually in a "discussion" with another human. Misinterpretation is the name of the game. They sometimes take meanings from what you say - and leave you wondering where they got that idea from. Communication is incredibly complex and we often read our fears / insecurities into the words that someone else is saying. eg. You might say "Is that what you are wearing today?" I hear "Are you really going to wear that? You really don't look good in it.". Not the message that was sent - but it is what is being received.It comes down to understanding the some of real differences between men and women. Men, in general have have physicality as offensive/defensive mechanisms which is why when things go badly between a man and woman, the nature of abuse dealt is physical.
Women do not, in general, have this physicality, so it's down to wit and words. Abuse of this nature comes down to reputational, emotional and image damage.
Further to this, No one person can know what it is to be another. However, men can more sympathise with being kicked in the nuts with other men, than women can. The exact same is true for experiences unique to women.
We can get buried in layers if experiential differentiation between experiences and empathy, I get that, but the point remains is that you won't know until you have experienced it first hand.
So, women are adept at verbal fencing and the misconception here is that because men are physically "tough" or are supposed to be, that men have the mental fortitude to absorb or deflect the damage that a woman's tongue brings forth. But those men that have not grown up with mothers or sisters, will have very little built-in defenses to mitigate it.
Let's equate it to men who shoulder punch each other as signs of affection. If a guy punches his girl on the shoulder for the first time in the same way, he's going to automatically punch as if she were a guy, because his friends would see it coming and brace for it. She doesn't and ends up off the path or in a bush, perhaps with a bruise.
If he wants to show that "affection" again, he's going to moderate it so that she's not going to end up in the vegetation.
Emjay pointed out that herself and sisters did that all the time and they're no worse for wear. I would point out that 3 martial artists who grew up together would know how to defend and attack each other without there being lasting damage.
To a woman who is adept a verbal sparring, a guy without the same abilities would seem to be "overly sensitive".
With the advent of social media, which is a communications based technology and therefore a verbal sparring enabling technology. This is a technology that empowers the verbal sparring of women and has far reaching consequences.
Get my point?