SA car industry to fight plunging demand by raising prices
JOHANNESBURG. South Africa's automotive industry says it will fight plunging demand for new cars by raising the prices of all vehicles, and expects local car buyers to respond with their traditional enthusiasm for paying three times more for the cars than they are worth. "Unfortunately it's economics," said a spokesman. "I don't know what that means, but it's true."
Demand for new vehicles has plunged by up to 40 percent this year as corporate buyers make difficult decisions in the current tough economic climate, with some blue-chip companies reportedly having to choose between updating their fleet and keeping the free cocaine and high-class prostitutes in the washroom.
"I know that's a choice I couldn't make," said car industry spokesman Edward "Fast Eddie" Cheetan-Steele.
Luckily, he said, private car buyers could always be counted on to spend whatever the industry told them to.
He said the system worked "beautifully" because neither the industry nor the public had any formal education in the fundamentals of economics.
"I don't know much about economics, but what I have heard sounds absolutely diabolical," explained Cheetan-Steele.
"Apparently in economics if you buy something you're only supposed to pay what it's worth, and obviously that's just ridiculous."
He said the less people thought about economics and true value, the happier they and the car industry would be.
However, he said, there was "sound car industry logic" behind the latest decision to raise prices to fight falling demand.
"Some South Africans, mostly hippies and girls, continue to ask why they are paying twice or three times international prices for cars made in Uitenhage," said Cheetan-Steele.
"Our answer is simple: your mamma."
Asked why motoring journalists never questioned grossly inflated prices, Cheetan-Steele explained that most of them were still sleeping in pools of their own vomit in sponsored hotel suites.
However, he conceded that it was perhaps time to phase motoring journalists out of the marketing equation.
"We spend absolute piles on wining and dining them, and frankly they can't tell a Chateau Lafite '29 from a flagon of Late Harvest Crackling," he said.
"In any case, you only need a sycophantic motoring press if you've got a critical or intelligent car-buying public, so yes, we could probably do without them."
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