Self awareness

I'm not a massive fan people either ; they all let you down at some stage.

Over the years I've had friends, best friends, girlfriends & work associates mess me around.

Last month both my girlfriend and my best friend planned and conspired daily for 2 weeks how they'd lie & decieve me in order to carry on with their secret.

I've just learnt not to put faith in people or rely on people - anyone *shrug*

If you put a variable between between (money, drugs, girl, boy etc) just about everyone turns nasty
 
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That's not the point though Dolby. It's about those people who wont/cant admit they were wrong and subsequently dont take any responsibility for their actions - which in some cases can be devastatingly life changing. I used to think it was some kind of design flaw but i'm starting to believe that It's actually that its the height of selfish ignorance with a solid helping of delusional arrogance. People suck, yes. They hurt and abuse but some are prepared to grow and change and others aren't.
 
Do you truly believe people can change ? Either good > bad or vica versa?
 
Yes. It's more about learning than changing in my mind. It's like, the only way you'll ever know what to fix is if you know what's broken and you'll only know how to fix it if you know what the desire outcome is.

But yes. Obviously I'm not refering to any person with diminished capacity of any variety, but your every day screwed up girl next door or high school jock who has lied to someone or hurt another CAn change. If they have th desire to be a better person or the courage to face their deeds there is no reason they cant. Some habits may be harder to break and some people may walk a more indirect path but it's never impossible to finally reach your destination.

The sad thing is though that the kind of person who wont admit to making a mistake will always be too arrogant and self involved to make amends. The only outcome in that case is that they will continue going through life hurting and disappointing those around them.

My ex for example. Had he had the courage to face up to his **** he might be in counselling and who knows? Maybe one day he (or we) could have a relationship with a real foundation. Instead he will forever carry around his bitterness and indignation and unknowingly continue to disrupt his own life. Oh yes, he'll still be pointing fingers at me 30 years from now saying 'I was the perfect man until she ruined me' but I cant change that.

As much as it angers me to deal with the indulgent attitudes of the 'morally superior' it made me really sad to see such an amazing guy hurt and lash out when the truth might actually bring him comfort by letting him see that not everything is driven by malice.

E.g: you see a man killing a cat and it upsets you because you know he did it for his own pleasure. the next day you walk past another man killing a cat and you get upset again. What you didnt know was that he was killing the cat out of mercy because you knocked him over in the drive way.

I know it's a VERY random example but I never claimed to be anything more advanced than literate.

So yeah, people can change but only if they have enough self awareness to acknowledge WHAT needs to change.
 
almostgone said:
Yes. It's more about learning than changing in my mind. It's like, the only way you'll ever know what to fix is if you know what's broken and you'll only know how to fix it if you know what the desire outcome is.

But yes. Obviously I'm not refering to any person with diminished capacity of any variety, but your every day screwed up girl next door or high school jock who has lied to someone or hurt another CAn change. If they have th desire to be a better person or the courage to face their deeds there is no reason they cant. Some habits may be harder to break and some people may walk a more indirect path but it's never impossible to finally reach your destination.

The sad thing is though that the kind of person who wont admit to making a mistake will always be too arrogant and self involved to make amends. The only outcome in that case is that they will continue going through life hurting and disappointing those around them.

My ex for example. Had he had the courage to face up to his **** he might be in counselling and who knows? Maybe one day he (or we) could have a relationship with a real foundation. Instead he will forever carry around his bitterness and indignation and unknowingly continue to disrupt his own life. Oh yes, he'll still be pointing fingers at me 30 years from now saying 'I was the perfect man until she ruined me' but I cant change that.

As much as it angers me to deal with the indulgent attitudes of the 'morally superior' it made me really sad to see such an amazing guy hurt and lash out when the truth might actually bring him comfort by letting him see that not everything is driven by malice.

E.g: you see a man killing a cat and it upsets you because you know he did it for his own pleasure. the next day you walk past another man killing a cat and you get upset again. What you didnt know was that he was killing the cat out of mercy because you knocked him over in the drive way.

I know it's a VERY random example but I never claimed to be anything more advanced than literate.

So yeah, people can change but only if they have enough self awareness to acknowledge WHAT needs to change.
Click to expand...

Another random example:
Calling your ex a rapist and then defending him and saying what a wonderful guy he is.
 
alf101 said:
Another random example:
Calling your ex a rapist and then defending him and saying what a wonderful guy he is.
Click to expand...

That's a lack of awareness of his general character not my own. My self awareness comes in in that I finally (man it took a lot of time) realised that I needed to get out and I did. I also intellectually know that my inability to see the situation with him objectively is a result of many many many different factors. But that's still awareness.

Him saying that my lying to him is worse because it was planned where as his 'slip up' was an impulsive mistake shows how little he understands of what he did because in his mind he is too kind, gentle, moral, loyal and respectful to even hurt a fly. Blinkered beyond belief.

Anyway, the point of this was not meant to be about him or that incident. It was a rant / vent on society in general and in order not to get sidetracked it would be best to leave it that way surely?
 
almostgone said:
That's a lack of awareness of his general character not my own. My self awareness comes in in that I finally (man it took a lot of time) realised that I needed to get out and I did. I also intellectually know that my inability to see the situation with him objectively is a result of many many many different factors. But that's still awareness.

Him saying that my lying to him is worse because it was planned where as his 'slip up' was an impulsive mistake shows how little he understands of what he did because in his mind he is too kind, gentle, moral, loyal and respectful to even hurt a fly. Blinkered beyond belief.

Anyway, the point of this was not meant to be about him or that incident. It was a rant / vent on society in general and in order not to get sidetracked it would be best to leave it that way surely?
Click to expand...


:cool: Good to hear.
Stay away from him.
 
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