Should I stay or should I go?

mercurial

MyBB Legend
Joined
Jun 12, 2007
Messages
39,130
Please don't develop any balls.

Humans are funny creatures. Often we make up our minds on what to do and ask others as a method of justification for our decisions. Quitting is the easy part, it's that period after that hurts like hell. The thing is, the longer you take to part ways, the more difficult it will become, and as the difficulty increases, your mind starts justifying staying with him by suppressing the reasons to leave. This is exactly the same psychological behaviour portrayed by battered women - and precisely why they find it so hard to leave.

Looking at your situation - apart from the financial losses you have incurred, you will find yourself in deeper trouble if his drinking continues. Put it this way, how often have you been in the car when his been DUI? Unfortunately men who get drunk often turn violent, and due to the length of time you've been with him, it will be that much easier to gloss over and ignore.

My advice (and I am loathe to advise people on an Internet forum) is to get out while you can. Minimise your losses and perhaps even sue him for 50% of the loss of the car. Try and be as objective as possible, so that you will realise that this boy is selfish and undeserving of your love. And be careful.
I couldn't have said it better.
 

Maelly

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2006
Messages
2,226
Leave the sorry a** loser and move on!!!

Im a 26 year old female, who has been with my fiance for nearly 6 years. On Jan 2, he wrote off our car (which was fully paid up) whilst driving under the influence, got arrested and charged and due to this my insurance will not pay out. No other cars were involved and nobody was hurt. We only have one car and this is a big blow, as I have no idea how to even move forward from hear.
We have been living together since we started the relationship and we bought a flat together 3 years ago. Our incomes and everything is joint so this becomes my financial loss too. three years ago he wote off our first car under the same instance (drinking under the influence), which to me should have been a lesson on its own. He only has a learners license and is to appear in court in April. Do I stick around and go into another joint venture t obtain another car and hope this will be the last of such an investment? Am I willing to fork out for the hefty fine he is sure to get in April? I have been wanting to emigrate for the past year but with the criminal record attached to his name it means he will practically never be able to do so.

I need urgent advice!
Jesus Christ, leave that a** hole and move on!! This actually make me angry:mad::mad: tsk tsk
 

Bismuth

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
3,335
Cyxx,

I don't know you or your bf personally, but I will give my opinion on the matter.

I say that you you should cut and run.

From what I can gather from your posts, it is a vicious cycle, which I can't see ever ending, only repeat itself. And, in all likelihood, get worse. I don't know how/if he will ever get himself sorted out, but if he doesn't, do you want to get dragged down as well?.

You should ask yourself, what is keeping you with him?. What, if any, are his redeeming qualities?. It seems as if there is an imbalance here, and more bad points that good ones.

Ultimately it's for you to decide, and stick by that decision.

B
 

eek

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 24, 2006
Messages
4,447
wheres part 2, she promised more

i WANT more!!!
yeah dammit! It's like watching a program on the tele and suddenly "to be continued" pops up (Dang I hate it when that happens!)...and part 2 never comes! Or you miss part 2!

Give us the info!!! :D
 

eek

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 24, 2006
Messages
4,447
I feel so incomplete! :(


can I have some comfort popcorn?
 

Kim_Webchick

Expert Member
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
1,632
Dump him he is holding you back next time this happens your kids could be with him and then what???
 

hyperian

Expert Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2008
Messages
1,847
At the moment, the wrecked car seems to be like a bad set-back, with the financial burden and strain on the relationship. If you do marry him and you have kids one day, will you be comfortable with him driving them around when you are not with them? Will you always be wondering whether they are in danger? Imagine this happening again in a few years time, but with your children dying in the accident. This point of view may not be reason enough to leave him, but it certainly should be a scenario that you pose to him to make sure he understands the potential consequences. Cars can be replaced - people generally can't. What if you were with him in the car and had been seriously injured?

I'd tell him that he owes you for the car - dont carry his financial burdens. Get him to pay for it. If you stay with him, i think that you really have to put your foot down and make him realize that this is the last chance that he is getting. Because there are guys out there waiting for a girl like you. I'm one of them.
 

Kitten

Senior Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
614
You need to sit down and decide if marrying someone that is so irresponsible is actually worth while? ... If you decide your life is worth more than the nonsense hes causing with his drinking and whatnot, you'll be far better off and strangely enough you'll be happy with the decision you make ... I personally dated someone who couldn't stop drinking, and really it wasn't worth it in the end ... the crawling to the car, holding onto the walls, wasn't a nice experience.
 
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