The new dad experience

Here's some of what I shared with one of my mates just a couple of days ago when he asked me sort of the same question, somewhat translated here and there.

I think it's apt;

I know you're not a religious person. Its fine, you don't need to be. God, a higher power, universe, call it what you will. There is no way you will be able to say miracles don't happen the moment you look at your child for the first time. With their birth, so starts your life as well. With your wife, you had to learn to love her, this is different. With your child, the love is there from the first second you see the heartbeat on the ultra-sound, and it's overwhelming the moment you see them for the foirst time. It is a miracle, and it is God's gift to you. Cherish it, enjoy it, learn from it, and be thankful.

There are times I just sit and look at my little one, wondering "What are you going to be when you grow up?". Be open-minded, and enjoy the journey of discovery with them. Celebrate even the smallest moments. The first (real) smile, the little expressions they begin to make when they first begin to actually recognize you, the moment the look for you in the room when they hear your voice. they know this from very early on, and it's precious. there's a good chance your wife will have a better hand with them in the beginning. She's got a 9-month head-start on bonding time, after all. Don't worry about it. It gets better, I promise.

Be involved. It's not easy, and after about 8 months, it usually still more miss than hit. That's OK. This is how you learn. The late nights, the early mornings, and everything in between. People often told us, a child teaches you patience. This is a lie. They remind you how far you can actually stretch your patience, and how petty %$#$% just become totally irrelevant. Oh, and as for the dirty nappies, yeah, those totally exist. I have very little good to say about this, sorry. You do not feel closer to your child when you change their nappies. You are not a 'more complete" parent. You don't feel a sense of achievement or a greater sense of self. It just disgusting.

Enjoy your wife. She's pregnant, not sick or broken. Don't put your life on-hold because she's pregnant or a new mommy. Go on with your life, and enjoy life as you are now. It changes, yes, but it doesn't have to. This being said, fuss about her, even when you don't feel like it. She is scared as hell. she's going to do a whole lot of stuff you don't understand. She won't want you to try and fix it, so don't even try. Just listen, be there, and suck it up.

If you're not scared too, you will be. That's OK. You're not supposed to know what's going on. This is the magic of it. You are in for so many 'firsts", it's going to make your head spin. Just enjoy it. If you've ever wondered what it's like to have your heart beat outside of your chest, you're about to find out.
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Oh, and one of the biggest tips I can give you, if you haven't discussed it before;

Let the little one sleep in his own bed/crib in his own room from as soon as possible! And get a Yoga/exercise ball. They work wonders in calming baby down when they cry.
 
srothman said:
Oh, and one of the biggest tips I can give you, if you haven't discussed it before;

Let the little one sleep in his own bed/crib in his own room from as soon as possible! And get a Yoga/exercise ball. They work wonders in calming baby down when they cry.
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/supported!
 
mooks said:
SO and I are expecting our first new human next year and I'm curious to hear from other new dads what the experience was like for them.

This is a planned pregnancy so we're both really excited but sometimes I wonder how connected a new dad is to the whole experience in the early phases? I get sick, have mood swings, cry because puppies, feel baba wiggling around etc but he doesnt get any of that. What he does get is fairly regular requests for donuts but somehow I dont think that's the same :p

Not sure if this is the right audience for this question but hopefully someone has some insight to share :)
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For me personally it only kicked in the moment I heard my first child scream after being born. Fathers just don't get it. We only see the moody side of a the woman and her complaining. So you women can't judge us :p
 
syntax said:
I had very little connection until I heard the heart beat on the ultrasound. That made quite a difference for me, but even after that, I was still not that connected.

Even the day the baby was born, it was very emotional and all. And I had this weird, super protective mode going on. But I didnt feel that "instant love" that everyone talks about. I wanted to protect this baby, but I didnt know her and I think thats ok.
It took a very short time though before I started to get proper serious emotional feelings and now I do all the crazy things other parents talk about :)
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This is basically it. As a Dad, you feel protective, and you feel a vague sense of love, but you are not madly in-love. It is different to how society prepares you for it. It is different to how movies portray it. It is still awesome though.

I like to compare it to the way that movies make us think a natural labour is: Water breaks > contractions start > contractions build > screaming builds > baby is born. At some point between Water breaking and contractions starting, you rush to the hospital in the hopes that you get there in time to not have the baby in the parking lot.

The reality is so much more drawn out with so many more varying factors. The movies romanticise it all a lot.
 
crackersa said:
invest in telement colic drops
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I found that behoedsmiddel worked better when my little one was colic.

Stopped using it when my pediatrician told me a horror story of how a child stopped breathing, and was placed in ICU to monitor his breathing once resuscitated.
 
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