Time, Sanity and Work Life Balance

Random Hero

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2014
Messages
1,176
Hi All,

Over the last couple of weeks I have noticed that I am at a point where my life is pretty much Eat, Sleep, Work repeat.

I set out this year to put in extra hours and effort with my work in hopes of career and salary growth. Putting a lot of socializing aside and even working over weekends.

Now the company I work for has a very agile environment and I am constantly working on projects. A normal day would be 08h30 - 19h00 at work. I am single, so I do have a lot of time.

But I also want to skill up on data science and SQL but I feel that whenever I have free time I just waste it away now. Whenever I get home after work I would end up on Netflix/YT and make food. Not even healthy food. Most nights I eat Processed oven food, watch some more YT videos, browse the internet and go to sleep. Wake up the next day, make a hearty breakfast, make lunch go to work and the same routine on repeat.

Weekends feel like they are going to waste. I just end up watching netflix and doing nothing. This has been going on for a while now. I feel like I have become lazy. My plan was to study and work over weekends but now i just waste away. Work has also become like dealing with a never ending mountain and I do not feel like I am getting priorities done or getting the growth I need. I also do not do any exercise and ca not remember the last time I went out with friends (I think in March).

I have been trying to discipline myself to start studying, get into routine, make better food, get exercise (The closest gym is R950pm which I just can't do, when I lived in Lonehill I paid R250 at Viva gym.)

Not sure if this is normal for a 29 year old. But I am very concerned about my physical and mental health.
This weekend I just sat and thought to myself "What the F--- happened to you." I have never been this antisocial in my life. I have a life of the party type of personality.

Would love to get some feedback and thoughts from you guys. I actually feel like I should see a psychologist or something. It is like I do not have time for anything anymore.
 

fundutzi

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
268
Too complex to answer here.
A few universal pointers.
- Ask a person with your best interest at heart two generations removed from yourself. "Old" persons look at life from quite a different angle.
- Determine what you want from life, write it on something you see every day, life will respond, you will move towards your objective very soon.
- The only universal cure for being, let us pick a neutral word "not optimal", excercise.
You do not need to pay a gym. The best things in life are free. Aim for 1 hrs of whatever activity you enjoy twice a week. You will naturally realign.
- If you are a woman, have children.
- If you are a man, working 12 hours a day is normal if you want to succeed, especially at your age. Hence why it is so important you work towards what you want from life.
 

RedViking

Nord of the South
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
20,832
Hi All,

Over the last couple of weeks I have noticed that I am at a point where my life is pretty much Eat, Sleep, Work repeat.

I set out this year to put in extra hours and effort with my work in hopes of career and salary growth. Putting a lot of socializing aside and even working over weekends.

Now the company I work for has a very agile environment and I am constantly working on projects. A normal day would be 08h30 - 19h00 at work. I am single, so I do have a lot of time.

But I also want to skill up on data science and SQL but I feel that whenever I have free time I just waste it away now. Whenever I get home after work I would end up on Netflix/YT and make food. Not even healthy food. Most nights I eat Processed oven food, watch some more YT videos, browse the internet and go to sleep. Wake up the next day, make a hearty breakfast, make lunch go to work and the same routine on repeat.

Weekends feel like they are going to waste. I just end up watching netflix and doing nothing. This has been going on for a while now. I feel like I have become lazy. My plan was to study and work over weekends but now i just waste away. Work has also become like dealing with a never ending mountain and I do not feel like I am getting priorities done or getting the growth I need. I also do not do any exercise and ca not remember the last time I went out with friends (I think in March).

I have been trying to discipline myself to start studying, get into routine, make better food, get exercise (The closest gym is R950pm which I just can't do, when I lived in Lonehill I paid R250 at Viva gym.)

Not sure if this is normal for a 29 year old. But I am very concerned about my physical and mental health.
This weekend I just sat and thought to myself "What the F--- happened to you." I have never been this antisocial in my life. I have a life of the party type of personality.

Would love to get some feedback and thoughts from you guys. I actually feel like I should see a psychologist or something. It is like I do not have time for anything anymore.
Being 30 myself (although I am sure it can happen at any age) I also feel like everything has just become a cycle. For me it is mostly work that is not so much challenging anymore and income is not so great (although I am grateful for what I have) . There are also other things we have no control over likey wife being sick and requiring a lot of responsibility at home so not much getting out and no more mountain climbing, hiking etc. Finances has also become very tight since I started studying,no increases or extra income, no time for extra projects and wife taking a salary reduction. But I know it will get better again some day.

It is not all bad though. Just mostly the work part that takes much of the day. It helps to have a hobby, not work so much, get involved in the community if that's what you enjoy, do some sport etc. I'll see how it goes this year. Might consider a career change next year...... What, I don't know yet.

But yes. Start getting out of the house and do sport or something. . Studying can also be nice once you get into it.
 

Random Hero

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2014
Messages
1,176
Thanks for the responses and advice @fundutzi and @RedViking.

I feel that I know what I have to do (to name a few: ).
- Wake up and get out of bed when the alarm goes off
- Take a morning jog and push yourself.
- Plan out your my day.
- Plan out study times.
- Plan out proper meal preparations
- Call or message an old friend
- Read a book
- Join a local sports clubs (cricket, rugby, tennis, swim)


These are all the solutions. Yet I can not discipline myself and end up having time wasting me...
Just laying around and not having a planned out goal.

I think this is what is means to be a loser.
"What the hell happened."
 

RedViking

Nord of the South
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
20,832
Thanks for the responses and advice @fundutzi and @RedViking.

I feel that I know what I have to do (to name a few: ).
- Wake up and get out of bed when the alarm goes off
- Take a morning jog and push yourself.
- Plan out your my day.
- Plan out study times.
- Plan out proper meal preparations
- Call or message an old friend
- Read a book
- Join a local sports clubs (cricket, rugby, tennis, swim)


These are all the solutions. Yet I can not discipline myself and end up having time wasting me...
Just laying around and not having a planned out goal.

I think this is what is means to be a loser.
"What the hell happened."
It sounds like a sort of depression. It is not a nice place to be in, but you can get out of it. Starting doing more active things is a good start in my opinion.
 

Steamy Tom

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
2,460
you sound a bit like me in some ways, i also am guessing you probably make work more important than it is. I agree it sounds like depression, i have also been considering if I should go see someone.

I would probably just suggest you don't riddle out structure and planning with all of these "plans", if it becomes work they will fail.
 

LD50

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2019
Messages
831
A wise man once said you are the master designer of your own life and destiny, nobody else only you.
Do you have a healthy functioning brain?
Sit down and plan out ( in writing ) with dates, times etc. a healthy routine, print it out and put it up somewhere. And ****ing stick to it
Remember to get enough sleep else nothing you plan will work.

Don't be idle, but take the breaks and fun stuff where needed.
The key to good productivity in social, work, recreational activities are only 2 things
1. Good planning (time management)
2. Sticking to the plan

Good luck and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get going
 

^^vampire^^

Expert Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2009
Messages
3,465
I also slip into this kind of depression sometimes. I think it unfortunately "normal" nowadays but few people are talking about it.

My tips:
* Find a way to incorporate your slacking off with your working. I do a lot of software dev both for work as well as at home. I usually put netflix or similar on while I dev so I can kill 2 birds with one stone. This way I'm being productive in what I'm getting done while filling in my slack off tasks too.
* Exercise. Even if it's as small as walking around the block once a day, the act of elevating your heart daily is good for you.
* Eating. It may not be an option in SA but I purchase pre-prepared meals that are both balanced and healthy. I also do 500 cal fasts twice a week to manage weight as my GF and I love to eat out at different places.
* Travel. If you earn enough try travel at least once a year. This both broadens your horizons as well as gives you something to look forward to.
* Goals. Although I have never really subscribed to goal setting, in the back of my mind I have always been set on career progression in general, whether it's working hard and getting promoted or moving to make your own promotions. This has both allowed me to be in the position prior to leaving SA to almost take over someone else's very profitable business (timing :( ) as well as allow me to take on a new position as Head of Tech with the possibility to move to CTO soon where I currently am. This has both pushed me out of my dev only centered roles and forces me to learn new skills.
* Hobbies. Find something to do besides work related hobbies. I love deving both as my job and hobby but I do get into other things like electronics etc and have made some awesome stuff over the years. Also dabbled in a little wood work, DIYing, smart home etc
* Education. although I can be slack on the learning side what I did is enrolled in degrees through UNISA. The fact that I had to pay out of my own pocket was encouragement for me to do the work.
* Socialising. Although I'm pretty bad at this, my GF is pretty good and so I'm lucky. From time to time she will inform me that we are meeting up with friends for brunch or a night out or whatever and that keeps the need for human contact satisified which is important.
* Lists. Something I found quite satisfying as well as made me realise that I am achieving things daily was lists of small things that I needed to do for the day (this was also dev task related). I found it worked best to write it on paper as I could both memorise and mentally pre-prepare what I was going to do to complete the task as well as the mental satisfaction of actually crossing it off (much more satisfying that jira). Not sure why but this helped me a few times when I thought I was getting nothing done.

It's agonising I know but we do need to strive to be well rounded people to be happy and that unfortunately means dropping something we want to do right now for something that is better for us.
 

thestaggy

Honorary Master
Joined
May 11, 2011
Messages
14,749

I went through this between 2012 - 2018. I was studying part-time while working, so my life was; wake up, eat, work, eat, study, sleep. For six years. I hardly ever went out. Sunday nights were awful as that was the time my brain decided I would lie in bed for hours asking myself what is this life? Work, study, work, study, where's the joy? What's the point?

Then, upon completing my studies I decided that this is not on. Started working out at home, started playing 5-a-side football on Sundays and started going out, even if it means going out by myself.
 

Drifter

Honorary Master
Joined
Dec 19, 2012
Messages
17,965
No Balance, it;s commute work commute eat sleep , rinse repeat.
 

CamiKaze

Honorary Master
Joined
May 19, 2010
Messages
13,318
Thanks for the responses and advice @fundutzi and @RedViking.

I feel that I know what I have to do (to name a few: ).
- Wake up and get out of bed when the alarm goes off
- Take a morning jog and push yourself.
- Plan out your my day.
- Plan out study times.
- Plan out proper meal preparations
- Call or message an old friend
- Read a book
- Join a local sports clubs (cricket, rugby, tennis, swim)


These are all the solutions. Yet I can not discipline myself and end up having time wasting me...
Just laying around and not having a planned out goal.

I think this is what is means to be a loser.
"What the hell happened."
You're not alone.
The best thing to take a break from your mind is to start getting active, physically.
When you are laying in bed, lost in a trillion thoughts, just get up and go clean something. It is difficult I know, I struggle with it sometimes, but just do something before you get imprisoned by your own negative thoughts.
 

gamer16

Honorary Master
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
10,055
Kind of sounds like where I used to be a couple of years ago, work was the most important thing to me and I had convinced myself I love it, eventually I had driven all my friends and girlfriends away, I let my hobbies and things dear to me turn to dust then that quickly spiraled into a deep depression. Luckily family got me out of it the hard way (they notice everything those folks even if you don't see them) eventually I got better and now try to focus on things I love outside of work, when getting home I force myself to do something, watch a show or go out anything other than getting in bed at 7 no matter how tired I am. I just keep this up for now as I work towards other goals, you may want to exercise as well, this has a big affect on your mental well being.
 

bchip

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
865
Would love to get some feedback and thoughts from you guys. I actually feel like I should see a psychologist or something. It is like I do not have time for anything anymore.
There are probably a couple of things going on with you.
Have you considered one of them being burn out?

Working those kinda of hours constantly will definitely cause some exhaustion eventually.
All the advise given above still applies with exercise, change activities,etc.
But I also find it difficult to enforce discipline when I'm too tired.
When was the last time you even took a holiday?

You have to fix the underlying cause here, whether its burn out, depression, mental exhaustion.
If your an extrovert for example it means you gain energy from meeting people,
if your not doing this it means that you are not gaining energy and constantly too tired.

Try little bit less work and combining meeting new people with a sports activity (like mountain biking clubs)
 

Lupus

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 25, 2006
Messages
15,882
Firstly why are you working almost 11 hours a day, are you being compensated for it? Cause I'm not being funny but organizations hardly ever actually promote those that work themselves to the bone, those are normally the ones who burn out faster.
If you want to be moved up, you should focus on studies, get to know people in the company, find out what's needed and work from there. Work smarter not harder, that would be the first step to balancing out life and work.
 

Polly101

Senior Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2011
Messages
969
Too complex to answer here.
A few universal pointers.

- If you are a woman, have children.
- If you are a man, working 12 hours a day is normal if you want to succeed, especially at your age. Hence why it is so important you work towards what you want from life.
WTAF?????
are you from the middle ages?
 

Beyond.Celsus

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Joined
May 29, 2018
Messages
1,818
What I like to do is remember than one day I will be dead and nothing I did on this planet will matter anymore.

With that in mind I work hard to be able to afford a decent lifestyle, but my free time is spent enjoying myself. There was a time I wold use every minute to work more, or study or whatever else, except relax and enjoy life.

Fek that. Enjoy what you can. Work hard, but don't use every waking moment on work, because when you are on your death bed all you will remember is work and when you are dead the work won't matter.
 

Lupus

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 25, 2006
Messages
15,882
This is not necessarily true. I see a lot of BS'ers with no qualifications high up on the corporate ladder.
There's that as well, a good BSer can make you think they can do it. I've also seen some QBEs move up by knowing their stuff.
The thing is I've hardly ever seen the guy working his arse move on up.
 

berrypi

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
322
you gotta learn to say NO. Take ownership.

you are feeling "miff" cause you work too much. Work the required hours and maybe 1 hour extra. Thats it.
Go home early, do something PRODUCTIVE - like clean your place out - but include something that requires commitment. Like a training run that must be done on a certain day and time. Not Negotiable.

you will soon be x2 more productive as you are engaging in both hemispheres of your brain and you will find most of your problem solving will be done "offline".

It starts with NO. and sticking to it. you will leave the company and someone else will take your role. Simple. To be ahead of the curve, smart and fresh ideas are born outside of work.

You need to be mentally fresh to handle "life" tasks too...
 

itsme2

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
314
Hi All,

Over the last couple of weeks I have noticed that I am at a point where my life is pretty much Eat, Sleep, Work repeat.

I set out this year to put in extra hours and effort with my work in hopes of career and salary growth. Putting a lot of socializing aside and even working over weekends.

Now the company I work for has a very agile environment and I am constantly working on projects. A normal day would be 08h30 - 19h00 at work. I am single, so I do have a lot of time.

But I also want to skill up on data science and SQL but I feel that whenever I have free time I just waste it away now. Whenever I get home after work I would end up on Netflix/YT and make food. Not even healthy food. Most nights I eat Processed oven food, watch some more YT videos, browse the internet and go to sleep. Wake up the next day, make a hearty breakfast, make lunch go to work and the same routine on repeat.

Weekends feel like they are going to waste. I just end up watching netflix and doing nothing. This has been going on for a while now. I feel like I have become lazy. My plan was to study and work over weekends but now i just waste away. Work has also become like dealing with a never ending mountain and I do not feel like I am getting priorities done or getting the growth I need. I also do not do any exercise and ca not remember the last time I went out with friends (I think in March).

I have been trying to discipline myself to start studying, get into routine, make better food, get exercise (The closest gym is R950pm which I just can't do, when I lived in Lonehill I paid R250 at Viva gym.)

Not sure if this is normal for a 29 year old. But I am very concerned about my physical and mental health.
This weekend I just sat and thought to myself "What the F--- happened to you." I have never been this antisocial in my life. I have a life of the party type of personality.

Would love to get some feedback and thoughts from you guys. I actually feel like I should see a psychologist or something. It is like I do not have time for anything anymore.
As a positive, you've at least decided what you want. Many people have been in this headspace before you. It's what drives us all forward > onward and upwards.
So, time to start teaching yourself DISCIPLINE. Every 6 months you should do a self evaluation, where you reassess your goals, and look at your overall trajectory.
Unless it's for work, ditch the TV. TV is for people who have time to waste. Rather stop making excuses and finding reasons to be sad, and get on with it. You are young (29!) and those work hours are nothing. Can't afford gym? You don't need one. Put on your shoes and hit the road. Do pull ups, push ups. Act.
And please, skip the shrink. There is nothing you need some random pill subscribing quack for. All you will get is flattened out from some anti-depressants and it will harm you more than you know. Find balance rather by exercising and routine. Maybe try intermittent fasting (ie skip breakfast, and early high intensity exercise).
And get something to motivate you; like grab a copy of https://toolsoftitans.com/ and start to learn how high performing individuals operate. Your body and mind are machines. You can't grow properly by eating junk, not sleeping properly, not exercising.
for the the TL;DR's out there: get some discipline and stop making excuses.
 
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