Time with kids and working

[Paul Kemp]

Seems like quite normal hours for most parents. Can’t beat yourself up about it and your kids will be fine as will your relationship with them given that it is important to you.
They remember moments more than anything so it’s important to get those quality moments in rather than huge amounts of time. My take anyway.

 

[Slamz]

A lot of people casually are saying work less or change jobs. From what I have seen the job market is a bloodbath and it is probably not the easiest time to cut productivity or just change jobs.

I used to work really stupid hours and it contributed heavily to the dissolving of my marriage.
I still work pretty long hours but we do a nice breakfast together every morning, I get the car ride to school to interact with my kid.
I stop work at 5pm sharp and refuse to answer calls or emails until my daughter is in bed. I then work again from around 9pm until I finish

This gives me around 1.5 hours in the morning, 4 hours in the evening.
Even so, sometimes during the day I feel guilty and bad that my daughter wants my attention but I am stuck working. However, I think it is as good a balance as I am going to get at the moment and she needs to learn that she cant have all my attention all the time.

Weekends we spend a lot of time together which is rad.

I think you will always feel like you should be spending more time, thats a good thing. At least you want to and are doing your best.

all of this, except im still married...

since i work from home mostly, i can spend time with them(2 boys, 6&9), if i don't have anything too crazy, i leave it for the following day, but as Syntax said, after 5, dont talk to me, i'll only be available after 9pm again, then i dont mind, wife is watching what she wants, kids sleeping and then if i finish my work then, next day is quieter, i can do what i want.

 

[syntax]

all of this, except im still married...

since i work from home mostly, i can spend time with them(2 boys, 6&9), if i don't have anything too crazy, i leave it for the following day, but as Syntax said, after 5, dont talk to me, i'll only be available after 9pm again, then i dont mind, wife is watching what she wants, kids sleeping and then if i finish my work then, next day is quieter, i can do what i want.

Trying to split time between kids and then keep a relationship still a relationship and not two people who arrange schedules and co-exist is so challenging. I learnt many hard lessons during my marriage on this and still havent got it figured out. Always feels like someone is missing out

 

[marbro]

How much time do you want to spend with them?

8-5 is normal, As they get older they go to school and daycare etc. Its life.
you cant spend 24hours a day with them, but love the time you can spend

 

[AfricanTech]

No.

My wife also works and has to go into the office for work.

We both get time with the kid. I am just asking as a father, how do other father's cope with limited time with their kids because of work?

Seems like my working hours are abnormal. Most people having a more free time in the day then me.

Those times are relatively normal - that said, about 3 months into lockdown I realised that I was sitting at my desk all the time - that is not normal - when. you're in the office you get up to go to meetings, to discuss something with another colleague, etc.

I then put my break times (mid-morning/afternoon + lunch hour - varying between 12h30-14h00 on various days) into my diary and ensured that no-one booked any meetings into those slots - I then ensure that I get up from my desk and take my break in another room in the house (or outside) - that also creates space for the other members of the family to not feel that they're intruding on 'work time'.

Requires discipline though - it's very easy to fall into the habit of sitting at your desk for hours at a time.

 

[surface]

@Ecco - don't want to depress you and you probably know this already but but after some time, some things get better as they become independent but then they become very persistent and need much more attention than when they are 2 years old. Too many questions to answer all the frikking time and kid will not stop nagging about this & that all through the day. Toys everywhere despite enforcing discipline of putting it back when not in use.

Hopefully you get kid to preschool by then. We decided to keep our son at home only this year as we both are at home. If my wife has to go back, I am really done.

 

[JohnStarr]

Hey friends,

Just want to know how you all manage with limited time with your kids.

I have a small child, less then 2 years, and she is becoming very active, sociable and wants to engage with other people.

Beause of work, I dont get much time to spend with the kid. While I do work from home as a result of COVID, its usually a super busy day, without too many breaks. Pre-COVID I would be out the house by 07h00 and only back at 18h00. I get a bit more time in now, but its at most approx 3 hours between the morning and the evening.

How did people manage with so little time to bond with their kids then and now? Any suggestions? Its a bit sad at how little time we can give them. Just want to hear what other do, or how they cope.

Thanks

It's rough, and we had to do the schooling for our kids last year too which caused friction having to hold down our own jobs.
Glad the kids are back at school, but the house is quiet when we work from home and we miss them and that noise.
Take the time with your little one. It goes very fast!

 

[ShaunSA]

@Ecco - don't want to depress you and you probably know this already but but after some time, some things get better as they become independent but then they become very persistent and need much more attention than when they are 2 years old. Too many questions to answer all the frikking time and kid will not stop nagging about this & that all through the day. Toys everywhere despite enforcing discipline of putting it back when not in use.

Hopefully you get kid to preschool by then. We decided to keep our son at home only this year as we both are at home. If my wife has to go back, I am really done.

Sounds like it's time to add a little brother or sister

 

[surface]

Sounds like it's time to add a little brother or sister

With virtual friends like you, who needs enemies?

 

[ShaunSA]

With virtual friends like you, who needs enemies?

Friends? We're practically family you bastid!

 

[surface]

Friends? We're practically family you bastid!

Indeed we are. You raise a good point though. Idea is to help not only the "blood" family but others as well.

p.s. Now don't DM with bank details and all.

 

[ShaunSA]

Indeed we are. You raise a good point though. Idea is to help not only the "blood" family but others as well.

p.s. Now don't DM with bank details and all.

Don't need bucks. But if you're near the sea we can pull in for a week... or three

 

[surface]

Don't need bucks. But if you're near the sea we can pull in for a week... or three

eish, in a toddler thread.

 

[Stefan.dl]

I work from home too and I do the following, start work at 8 am. My 11 month old is at home with the wife but she has free access to me unless I'm in a meeting. I stop my work at 5pm and spend time with the family and go through the night time routine. By 10pm mom and baby is sleeping so I get to do some work till 3am. You don't have to work less, just move it to hours that they are asleep.

 

[surface]

I work from home too and I do the following, start work at 8 am. My 11 month old is at home with the wife but she has free access to me unless I'm in a meeting. I stop my work at 5pm and spend time with the family and go through the night time routine. By 10pm mom and baby is sleeping so I get to do some work till 3am. You don't have to work less, just move it to hours that they are asleep.

wow, you work regularly from 2200-0300 hours or just once a month or so? Maybe you are one of those who can survive on 5 hours of sleep.

 

[Stefan.dl]

wow, you work regularly from 2200-0300 hours or just once a month or so? Maybe you are one of those who can survive on 5 hours of sleep.

I do it on a regular basis and sometimes on weekends too.

 

[Ecko_1]

I am in a similar situation to you. My son is 4 years old. Wife and I both work, and he is in preschool. I pick him up from school at 4:30pm. Come home and spend some time with him playing whatever games he wants to. Sometimes its puzzles, sometimes its outside with the dogs, sometimes its colouring in. One of us cooks while the other spends time with him. His bed time is 7:30pm in bed to read a book and sleeping by 8pm. So we really have only 3 hours to spend quality time with him during the week. Weekends we will do something together as a family out of the house that is fun for him. Sundays are normally spent visiting grandparents.

 

[Ecko_1]

I also have to work overtime when we are on deadlines. However my manager understands that 5pm to 8pm is off limits for work. If I need to work extra it will be after 8pm no matter what.

 

[syntax]

wow, you work regularly from 2200-0300 hours or just once a month or so? Maybe you are one of those who can survive on 5 hours of sleep.

This is fairly common for me as well. Most of those I know in the same IT industry are working similar hours.
I probably do these kinds of hours twice a week during the week and again on the weekend

 

[surface]

This is fairly common for me as well. Most of those I know in the same IT industry are working similar hours.
I probably do these kinds of hours twice a week during the week and again on the weekend

Wow, hope you get overtime accordingly. I also work extra hours but that is generally only to compensate for hours lost during day. Another exception is when implementations that stretch till early hours of morning on some weekends but since we are not supposed to bill OT, we usually take time off next week or so.