To fix oneself before being upset by others

crocopede

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2015
Messages
610
#1
I sit and ponder if my negative emotions and feelings of upset is truely caused by the situation or simply due to my lack of peripheral awareness. In our day and age attention is overused in all aspects of life so it becomes natural to neglect our peripheral awareness.

I take situations at work that is upsetting me. I like my job and the work i do but i loathe going to the office. There are strange things related to ego's that unsettle me. Two examples. Boss says go to client, its your fault they are unhappy with us due to you not giving them enough attention. I phone client arrange a meeting and inform the boss i am going to go see the client. Boss becomes upset that i arranged this without his consent, and that i must cancel the meeting until he has decided on the best way forward, despite having just instructed me to go see the client. This scenario has been repeated over the years. Hence in my opinion this is why the client feels neglected.

2nd scenario. Pietie does shoddy work and i go and clean it up, fix the scripts, san, or other IT related terms and then Pietie loses his temper and starts attacking me personally about completely unrelated issues. Sometimes even becoming personal with me and then refuses to nod, answer or reply for weeks. He then openly badmouths me in the open office with other coworkers.

So yes we all have these annoying experiences and no work place is without these people who have their quirks.
However, how i react to it is entirely within my control. And with attention being the main driver of our daily lives its easy to lose perspective, and then focus all attention on the 2 people and creating bad karma by thinking negative thoughts towards them and even posting online about them.

Surely the answer is to first fix myself and train my mind to shift attention away and give my awareness more room to play. This should allow for more mindfulness. And by mindfullness i mean keeping in mind why they might be reacting the way they do, so that i can rather empathize with them, instead of becoming them.
 

Emjay

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2005
Messages
4,570
#2
I am all for personal accountability, as I believe we all really are the captains of our own success.

But those are some real issues. A boss that gives mixed signals is never fun, and would upset me. I would probably find alternative employment. If that is not feasible, I would (very nicely) point out his contradicting instructions. That's just bad management.

As for your coworker, you should just confront him about his behaviour. He already hates you. At least if you confront him he will respect you a bit.

You can either choose action, or decide let the status quo carry on. Your boss being **** is something that you may never be able to change. But your coworker who is undermining you should really be dealt with. Don't be afraid of confrontation and standing up for yourself.
 
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Prawnapple

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 18, 2015
Messages
204
#3
I like what @Emjay said. Just remember, there is HR if you need to put in a grievance against somebody.

In situations like this, I remain calm by telling myself that neither myself nor the surrounding people are in control. Nobody is in control at any point in time. We all only live under the illusion of control and decision. The universe and every being in it is governed by the laws of cause and effect (See: Determinism. 9 times out of 10 you aren't even remotely the cause of a situation going sour but usually people (yourself included) tend to get in the firing line.

In any case, one day your boss and your co-worker is going to die. I take solace in knowing they will not gain any sort of post-death "eternal life" etc etc, but then again, nor do any of us :p
 

Emjay

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2005
Messages
4,570
#5
I like what @Emjay said. Just remember, there is HR if you need to put in a grievance against somebody.
HR departments are there for the company's interests, and not for the employee. Always approach HR with only the most serious issues. And always, always, keep a detailed record of what is going on, with follow up emails backed up off your company equipment.
 

Nanfeishen

Executive Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
6,831
#8
So yes we all have these annoying experiences and no work place is without these people who have their quirks.However, how i react to it is entirely within my control. And with attention being the main driver of our daily lives its easy to lose perspective, and then focus all attention on the 2 people and creating bad karma by thinking negative thoughts towards them and even posting online about them.

Surely the answer is to first fix myself and train my mind to shift attention away and give my awareness more room to play. This should allow for more mindfulness. And by mindfullness i mean keeping in mind why they might be reacting the way they do, so that i can rather empathize with them, instead of becoming them.
Both situations you landed up dealing with ego's , the boss's due his feeling of self importance and your co-workers due to his embarrasment.
It has nothing to do with empathy, but about learning to read peoples ego's.
Once you manage to do that, getting a positive response is fairly easy.
Office politics , while tedious, is game of ego. Stroke the ego's and your time spent there will be less stressfull.

You dont have to live with them, you dont have to socialise with them, you dont even have to like them, but the occasional bit of feigned interest in your co-workers petty little lives or interests goes a long way towards maintaining a peaceful work environment.
 
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