Today I got divorced... any questions?

Sepeng

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Was the break up amicable?
If so, do you still love your ex? Think you'll still see/ hook up with them?
 

Foxhound5366

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Sorry man.

You don't have to answer these if you don't want to.

Who initiated the divorce?

Does either party feel the other party wronged them?
I was the plaintiff.

And yes. We both do. More than that I don't want to share because it's not about airing dirty laundry, and I respect my ex-wife ... and will always love her, despite having had to take this decision. Divorce introduces you to some impossible emotional equations, where you realise there is no "right" answer, only the one you pick.
 

Foxhound5366

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Was the break up amicable?
If so, do you still love your ex? Think you'll still see/ hook up with them?
Answered above ... for hooking up, no. Highly improbable. It wouldn't be good for either of us.
 

SauRoNZA

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@Foxhound5366 did it all go wrong because of an action by either party?

Or was it one of those cases of doomed from the word go but pushed on anyway hoping things would change?

Based on this post https://mybroadband.co.za/forum/threads/today-i-got-divorced-any-questions.1042289/post-23967071 it sounds like the latter.

Were you high school sweet hearts who married young? First girl you ever dated and got married kind of setup?

Your statement about nobody being able to know anyone that well is exactly why the above is bullshit and the whole sex before marriage taboo is so broken.

Live together first, buy a house together and survive that stress and THEN only consider getting married.
 

GlassMirror

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Okay practical question here, what was proceedings like in court and the process leading up to the court appearances?
 

namzsteve

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What made you fall in love and marry her in the beginning? Do you regret it?
 

c3n0byt3

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16 August: today is the day I got divorced in court, after 9 years of marriage.

The past few months leading up to this point ... and the years before that ... have been some of the hardest ever emotionally for me. The journey isn't over.

However, as a 33 year-old guy, I discovered just how little I knew about divorce and what it would practically require of me. There aren't guys really talking about it (most views I found were from women and didn't apply to me).

If I can help anybody else who's considering taking the plunge, I'll happily do that. If you don't want to ask questions here, feel free to message me.
So how much?
For the divorce I mean.
All in.
 

TelkomUseless

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Ahh I have got the t-shirt!

It does get better dude.

ps: Divorce can get crazy if the other party decides to play dirty/unfair etc. Holy hell...
 

LCBXX

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Marriage: betting half of your shiit on whether it's true love.

I personally think people get married too quickly and often for the wrong reasons. The problem IMO is the message portrayed by Hollywood which specifically targets girls and young women. I remember all the Disney happily ever after nonsense that my generation was fed but millenials have the likes of Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey setting the stage for relationships and marriage. If Hollywood can convince you that a 100-year old teenage-vampire and a playboy billionaire bachelor can be housebroken into a monogamous relationship, and marriage, the expectations of a real-world marriage becomes severely skewed.

Caveat: I'm not at all suggesting that OP's marriage relates to the above. I do however spot these skewed expectations with young couples marrying in their early 20's who end up divorcing just as they approach their mid-30's.
 
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LCBXX

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On the upside, OP, there is this saying that goes: "A divorced man never mastrubates again."
 

CT_Biker

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I have never been married, and I do not think I will ever get married at this point.
Been in enough shitty relationships to think carefully about dating again.
Grew up watching my parents go through a divorce - I was not a 3 or 4 year old, i was a teen and never actually regained both of my parents trust, just my mom's kind of.

I was engaged for 6 months if that even counts?

Marriage? Or Marred by circumstance, I'm at an age where my friends are getting married and even they are unsure about what they are really doing - so is it safe to say that human beings do not know what the hell they are doing most of the time and we fall for this notion that 'one true love' exists or something?
 

Cius

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Sorry to hear, hope life gets better.

Just some free advice:
All relationships have ups and downs. Its normal. In the downs the mutual attraction can definitely dip or even appear to be dead. If you can work through it though it can and does come back stronger. We live in a world where the patience to work through the tough times is becoming scarcer but that does not mean it is not worthwhile. Ask any older couple who are currently very happily married if it was always like that and I guarantee you they will tell you there where days they wished they had not married, but in the long run are very glad they stuck it out, worked it out, etc.

Anyways, I am still learning, only been married 13 years, but that is long enough to have ridden the ups and downs of marriage somewhat and to have some views of how marriage works. It will always require some sacrifice, and middle ground type negotiation as no two people are the same, however there is something amazing about having a marriage partner who literally knows the worst of you, the best of you, and loves you anyways and helps you continue to grow. Its worth fighting for. I can honestly say I want to spend the rest of my life with my wife, and she feels the same about me despite all my faults. That beats the loneliness of living and dying alone any day for me.
 

Wasp_21

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Divorce without Kids sounds like a breeze. Other than a potential of your ex living in the same Town / City, and possibly any court mandated payments, you are basically free. Put Kids in the situation, and although you are divorced, you will have your ex in your life forever thereafter.
 

Neuk_

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Been there, done that, I got divorced just over two years ago. From some stories I have heard what I went through in terms of the actual divorce, it was easy, largely because we had no kids, no property, no pets, etc. What led up to it was a very difficult time but I learnt and grew a lot from the experience. I have happily moved on, met someone else, we own a house together, we own two dogs together and although there is some talk of marriage I don't feel any pressure. Until I knock her up I guess...
 

skimread

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9 years of marriage and no kids. Not sure why people get married without the intention to have kids. Why not just live together.
 
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