Tribute to my Dad that passed in Feb:

Thank You.

It was quite the horror story.

His worst nightmare came true when he (as a diabetic) woke up "blind" on boxing day.

We were all a bit shell shocked and blamed it on all the cake he ate on xmas and hoped that if he just abstained that his sight would come back.

2 days passed, we managed to get hold of his eye doctor that was on leave, eyes got checked out and all was good and next step was MRI and stuff.

At the age of 78, we had to stop the R10kpm med aid 3 months prior, as it was bankrupting us.

Things escalated in that he stopped eating and being in his right mind and we evewntually went and paid for a cat scan as that is much cheaper.

This showed bleeding on the brain needing a neurologist.

This is when we send him to Addington. (Very good I have to say!, no rats or anything, and there was aircon)

It took 7 days to see one, but because his heart was so weak, he was inoperable and was just classified as palliative care.

Adington was actually quite good I have to say. No rats running around, aircon and whatnot.

They gave us morphine (we asked what can we do to make him comfortable), and on the day that we got him back home in his bed (after 3 weeks of no care whatsoever except us feeding him during visiting hours because he was blind), I gave him his first dose, and this is what killed him.

I blamed myself for a long while thinking that I messed up the dose or something.

Long story short!

Have a Will guys! Without one, you will be robbed by the ANC.

Also, the 24 hour nurse service from tafta is a godsend.

Only R3k per month!

So sorry to hear about your father :( Let the guilt about the morphine go, it is almost natural that those in their dying days, pass away when given morphine. My father and I watched my Nonna pass away after being given morphine to manage the pain of her throat cancer. She was 93 and I'd like to think she would have wanted to pass away as peacefully as she did with her one son and one grandson in the room...
 
So sorry to hear about your father :( Let the guilt about the morphine go, it is almost natural that those in their dying days, pass away when given morphine. My father and I watched my Nonna pass away after being given morphine to manage the pain of her throat cancer. She was 93 and I'd like to think she would have wanted to pass away as peacefully as she did with her one son and one grandson in the room...
Thank you.

Yeah, I freaked myself out thinking I ****ed up the dose or something, but after I quadruple checked it, I eventually let it go because and I was happy that he wasn't suffering anymore.
 
They gave us morphine (we asked what can we do to make him comfortable), and on the day that we got him back home in his bed (after 3 weeks of no care whatsoever except us feeding him during visiting hours because he was blind), I gave him his first dose, and this is what killed him.

I blamed myself for a long while thinking that I messed up the dose or something.
how sure are you that it was the morphine and not just coincidence ?
we like to find ways to apportion blame when it come to death, and here it would seem you are blaming yourself as a means for closure.
unless an autopsy revealed morphine was the cause, dont blame yourself.
there is a well documented dying process in people who are terminally ill.
it begins with no wish to eat, moving on to rejection of food, then slowly but surely the person "drifts away and back again". Thereafter they begin to stare to the walls / roof / whatever, as if nobody is present with them.
finally they are ready and let go.

my father had cancer - discovered too late, inoperable and too late to be treated .
i was at my parents home when he died, mother lying on the bed beside him.
he was barely conscious and staring vacantly, barely responding to either my mother or i.
his gp was also at the house and had given him a pethidine injection to deal with pain and discomfort.
about an hour or so later gave him a morphine injection - also a 1st dose - - very soon thereafter he seemed to completely relax and sink back down into the bed and pillow.
about 10mins later, and in the most lucid manner turned to my mother and said "i'm going to my father" (the meaning of this is a complete mystery - my parents were not religious at all, not by any means, and his paternal father had died when my father was about 15yrs old).
the gp later told me the introduction of meds like pethidine and morphine in terminally ill patients nearing death, is often followed by death. the meds remove all pain and any anxiety the patient may have been fighting, and they slowly slip away in comfort.
i dont know exactly how true or accurate that may be on a broader scale, but it was most definitely the case with my father.
you will often hear of doctors "keeping patients comfortable as they near death", well this is what they are doing to ensure minimal discomfort and pain.

long story short, while the morphine may have been a factor, you facilitated that final dying process by removing any pain or discomfort being suffered in silence by your father, and allowing him to move on in comfort.
had a doctor administered the meds, i'm pretty certain the outcome would have been the same
 
of music, death and dying - a song that gives me mixed emotions as much as i really enjoy the track.
the song "shine", by aswad.

my father died some years back and the song had recently been released, i really enjoyed it and still do.
on the day of the funeral i go past my parents house to pick my mother up to go off to the funeral.
the radio is on in the car.
as we are turning into the road the church was in, "shine" starts playing on the radio.
during the servce ppl are singing some hymn - i'm switched off staring at the ceiling and "shine" is playing in my head - funeral shut out.

i dont recall hearing it many times on the radio since.

christmas eve 2019 late afternoon my mother is an emergency admission to hospital.
she dies in the emergency dept a little after 5pm.
doctors want me to sign some papers, but due to various circumstances around her admission and treatment (or lack thereof), i tell them i'll return during the evening to sign what need to be signed.
i go back home, call relatives etc., then call the undertakers arranging to meet them at the hospital at 9pm.
i leave home at 8.30pm to return to the hospital.

as i turn into the road the hospital is in, "shine" starts playing on the radio.
i then realise the last time i recall hearing it on radio was on my way to my father's funeral - and now here again on my way to my mother's dead body, of all songs in the world, "shine" starts playing.
needless to say, the coincidence was emotionally overwhelming: sorrow was soon replaced with anger.
i get in to the hospital and was now incensed by the events of the day - the doctor sees me and approaches, i give him a stare of intense contempt and hatred, saying only "you need to fukk right off".
with that he scampers off and another one comes over with the paperwork looking all sheepish and nervous.

**to top things off, i get an email from netcare later that night - an auto generated customer service questionnaire.
my response triggered high drama culminating in the ceo of netcare calling me on christmas day trying to calm troubled waters

a coincidence, but a very peculiar and strangely timed one !
 
Sorry about your dad that passed away.

My dad also started switching off mentally when we put him on morphine. But it was a longer time period, however he was in lalaland long before he gave his final breath. Also upped the dosage to max. they were willing to give us. Miss the old man.

Worse however was his funeral. It's not something I'll ever talk about. But it was a clown show. I walked away before he was even buried. Oneday when I have my own piece of land I will do a memorial wall or stone for my folks.

 
Sorry about your dad that passed away.

My dad also started switching off mentally when we put him on morphine. But it was a longer time period, however he was in lalaland long before he gave his final breath. Also upped the dosage to max. they were willing to give us. Miss the old man.

Worse however was his funeral. It's not something I'll ever talk about. But it was a clown show. I walked away before he was even buried. Oneday when I have my own piece of land I will do a memorial wall or stone for my folks.

We did the cremation thing. He didn’t want a grave. Still have the ashes, waiting for the right time and place to dispose it.
 
Worse however was his funeral. It's not something I'll ever talk about. But it was a clown show. I walked away before he was even buried. Oneday when I have my own piece of land I will do a memorial wall or stone for my folks.

here is something a little unusual.
my mother was always adamant she did not want a funeral or memorial service, also no burial - simply dispose of her remains as quickly & efficiently as possible.
she also showed me a letter that i was to open only after she had died - in it were the very same requests.

i arranged aquamation instead of cremation.
on the day of the aquamation it was me alone at the undertakers at the arranged time.
her body was wheeled out, i took a last look, and it was taken to the aquamator - i then went to the garden outside and listened to some of her favorite music for about half an hour, then left.

it was the most peaceful & tranquil "funeral" i have ever attended.
no bothering about distant relatives and others swarming me, no obligation to try console others and hold the mandatory pedestrian chit-chat, no obligation to sit around having snacks and drinks with people i would not socialise with under normal circumstances, no trauma, no drama, no anguish - just quiet and civilized.

almost a little self indulgent for me, but in retrospect, perhaps a final parting gift from parent to child.
 
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