Vicarious embarrassment

|tera|

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Mar 31, 2006
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21,647
I have a huge problem relating to vicarious embarrassment.

It's not a sense of judgement in my opinion, I just feel really embarrassed for people that make lame statements or say what's on their mind (mostly praising themselves)..

This is the main reason I stopped using Reddit, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
I don't have this feeling while using mybroadband, except if someone is acting like a real tool.

What's your opinion about it?
Have you ever experienced the same?
 

Prawnapple

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Joined
May 18, 2015
Messages
1,718
I have a huge problem relating to vicarious embarrassment.

It's not a sense of judgement in my opinion, I just feel really embarrassed for people that make lame statements or say what's on their mind (mostly praising themselves)..

This is the main reason I stopped using Reddit, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
I don't have this feeling while using mybroadband, except if someone is acting like a real tool.

What's your opinion about it?
Have you ever experienced the same?
Define "Vicarious Embarrassment" lol.

But in all honesty, I think most human beings experience this. I know I do. Sometimes I withstand massive amounts of vicarious embarrassment just so that I can make a joke out of a situation or people. I think it tends to come across as snobby when one is too cringed out by what other people do. Which sort of goes "full circle".
 

|tera|

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Mar 31, 2006
Messages
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Define "Vicarious Embarrassment" lol.

But in all honesty, I think most human beings experience this. I know I do. Sometimes I withstand massive amounts of vicarious embarrassment just so that I can make a joke out of a situation or people. I think it tends to come across as snobby when one is too cringed out by what other people do. Which sort of goes "full circle".
I agree. As Tropic Thunder taught us. Never ever go full retard. I find this is lost on some :D
 

Arthur

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There are a number of possibities. The problem could be in you, or it could be healthy.

In Freudian terms this might be what is termed a displaced defence. The ego, unable to bear the narcissistic wound of the superego's judgment or the judgment of other (which is due to your own inappropriate behaviour) deflects that negative evaluation into the id which then cathects it back to the ego as a judgment of others. In short, it's a masked defence so you can avoid the pain of squarely facing your own embarrassing behaviour.

In Object Relations (Kleinian) theory you might well be experiencing projective identification - you see in others what you cannot see in yourself and so ascribe to them judgments more properly due to self.

Or it could be a perfectly reasonable response - you know what is the appropriate behaviour in context and so inappropriate actions induce a vicarious embarrassment.

Or a mixture of these.

The real problem you face is that claiming your response is healthy and not pathological can itself be evidence of pathology.

You'll need five years of therapy to answer that.
 

Moosedrool

Executive Member
Joined
May 24, 2012
Messages
5,437
I have a huge problem relating to vicarious embarrassment.

It's not a sense of judgement in my opinion, I just feel really embarrassed for people that make lame statements or say what's on their mind (mostly praising themselves)..

This is the main reason I stopped using Reddit, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
I don't have this feeling while using mybroadband, except if someone is acting like a real tool.

What's your opinion about it?
Have you ever experienced the same?
:)
 

|tera|

Master of Messengers
Joined
Mar 31, 2006
Messages
21,647
There are a number of possibities. The problem could be in you, or it could be healthy.

In Freudian terms this might be what is termed a displaced defence. The ego, unable to bear the narcissistic wound of the superego's judgment or the judgment of other (which is due to your own inappropriate behaviour) deflects that negative evaluation into the id which then cathects it back to the ego as a judgment of others. In short, it's a masked defence so you can avoid the pain of squarely facing your own embarrassing behaviour.

In Object Relations (Kleinian) theory you might well be experiencing projective identification - you see in others what you cannot see in yourself and so ascribe to them judgments more properly due to self.

Or it could be a perfectly reasonable response - you know what is the appropriate behaviour in context and so inappropriate actions induce a vicarious embarrassment.

Or a mixture of these.

The real problem you face is that claiming your response is healthy and not pathological can itself be evidence of pathology.

You'll need five years of therapy to answer that.
I prefer to see my sense of embarrassment towards others as appropriate. I have no will or desire to let my ego inflate or to pass judgement to feel better about myself or what I may or may not be lacking in myself.

In the digital age it makes it harder to not feel this way, because there are so many people with different attitudes and deeds they do. I don't feel embarrassed for someone constantly. It happens and fades away. I don't appreciate feeling it though. Embarrassment sucks either way.
 

Arthur

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I prefer to see my sense of embarrassment towards others as appropriate. i have no will or desire to let my ego inflate or to pass judgement to feel better about myself or what I may or may not be lacking in myself.

In the digital age it makes it harder to not feel this way, because there are so many people with different attitudes and deeds they do. I don't feel embarrassed for someone constantly. It happens and fades away. I don't appreciate feeling it though. Embarrassment sucks either way.
It's all in the Unconscious so there's no way you'd be aware of it.

It's therapy for you. Or Psychoanalysis, if you're up to it and really want to know.
 

themba990

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2011
Messages
3,817
I have a huge problem relating to vicarious embarrassment.

It's not a sense of judgement in my opinion, I just feel really embarrassed for people that make lame statements or say what's on their mind (mostly praising themselves)..

This is the main reason I stopped using Reddit, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
I don't have this feeling while using mybroadband, except if someone is acting like a real tool.

What's your opinion about it?
Have you ever experienced the same?
Is it still vicarious if I experience a pang of cringe once a week or so thinking about things I, myself, said or did in the past.
 

SauRoNZA

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
35,809
I have a huge problem relating to vicarious embarrassment.

It's not a sense of judgement in my opinion, I just feel really embarrassed for people that make lame statements or say what's on their mind (mostly praising themselves)..

This is the main reason I stopped using Reddit, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
I don't have this feeling while using mybroadband, except if someone is acting like a real tool.

What's your opinion about it?
Have you ever experienced the same?
When you realise those aren't actually people in their real forms, but rather just bullshit portrayals of themselves more often than not you'll realise there is nothing to be embarrassed about, which is why they said what they said or behaved the way they did in the first place as there was no consequence to their action.
 

|tera|

Master of Messengers
Joined
Mar 31, 2006
Messages
21,647
It's all in the Unconscious so there's no way you'd be aware of it.

It's therapy for you. Or Psychoanalysis, if you're up to it and really want to know.
I'm not following with this post of yours? I feel like one of those users @saor posted.
When you realise those aren't actually people in their real forms, but rather just bullshit portrayals of themselves more often than not you'll realise there is nothing to be embarrassed about, which is why they said what they said or behaved the way they did in the first place as there was no consequence to their action.
I don't really agree with this. People aren't always hiding behind a facade.
More than most their online persona reflects on whom they are.
 

Arthur

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I'm not following with this post of yours? I feel like one of those users
The whole point of Psychology is to uncover what's really going on, not what the patient/subject says, thinks or believes. Unconscious motivations and processes are not accessible to introspection.

My wife, a Clinical Psychologist, has been practising on me for years and years. We've had at least ten thousand "discussions" about what my motivations really are, which she avers have nothing to do with what I say or claim or am consciously aware of. Now I can give as good as I get. ;)
 

|tera|

Master of Messengers
Joined
Mar 31, 2006
Messages
21,647
The whole point of Psychology is to uncover what's really going on, not what the patient/subject says, thinks or believes. Unconscious motivations and processes are not accessible to introspection.

My wife, a Clinical Psychologist, has been practising on me for years and years. We've had at least ten thousand "discussions" about what my motivations really are, which she avers have nothing to do with what I say or claim or am consciously aware of. Now I can give as good as I get. ;)
And that's why I hate all shrinks.
Too much psychobabble and expects you to fork out cash for 10 000 sessions.
 
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